Need help wording this letter to my family.

[Anonymous]

Today I decided that it's best if I cut off my family for a while. After I major event today I have had enough. Me and my family have a LONG history of never ending drama. Today I realized that my family is my major stress triggers. When I'm not around them things go a lot smoother. I have always been the black sheep with them and the problem. They refuse to blame themselves for anything and i am tired of it, sadly I can not simply cut them off without tying up some loose ends. I'm trying to keep my email positive but firm. Please help:

Honestly today's events really hurt me. I'm glad my dogs are safe and am trying to not hold any ill feelings towards anyone despite my feelings about what happened. I honestly feel as though it's best if we cut off contact for awhile (fully). I know I have mentioned this before. At this moment I feel like this is what really needs to happen. I feel like I'm a better person when I'm away from this part of the family. When I am by myself or around others I don't have these problems as much. I just cannot keep trying to fake anymore. I wish I could keep hope that things would change but whenever I start seeing a glimmer it gets squashed. We could go back and forth pointing the finger on who's fault it is and who did what but I JUST CAN'T. I didn't come this far to keep letting incidents like this happen and them for it to be brushed under the rug.

I would really like to start taking to steps to having all of the things we have combined separate please. The joint savings account ( I plan to call the bank tomorrow and set up my own savings account), our phone bills ( please keep in mind for you to be actually off the bill you have to pay the termination fee off), mail that is coming to your house ( this is a hard one but I will try, perhaps I can set up a P.O. Box and you send my mail there). Please be willing to work with me to make these things happen.

Thanks in advance....

[Anonymous]

Send it just AFTER you have set up the PO Box and the new savings account. Take care of these business items today. Then send this email:

Dear Family:
For my personal well-being, I need to cut off contact. This is I painful decision, but one that I feel is necessary. I have removed myself from the joint savings account and the phone bill. Please forward all mail to PO Box ___, Anytown, USA.

Please do not contact me.

Be well.
Larla

[Anonymous]

I think sending the letter is going to be part of the never ending drama. It's going to create a new spiral of drama.

Just take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Do what you need to do. Create the boundaries. Don't announce. Do.

[Anonymous]

Ditch your version and send 4:451's email after setting up bank & PO box. You don't see it now because you're so emotionally involved (understandably), but your version just feeds into the situation you're trying to separate from. Don't send what you've drafted. Your family won't react well to it.

Sorry things are so stressful with your family. Don't expect them to appropriately react to your decision to cut off contact regardless of how strategic you are about the email, etc. And, sorry to say (this lesson I've learned after cutting off my own scapegoating family): don't expect any genuine, positive changes on their end. They won't suddenly "get" how much they care about you, or realize the error of their ways. They'll miss their scapegoat, not "you." The constructive changes that come out of this separation are going to be all yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending the letter is going to be part of the never ending drama. It's going to create a new spiral of drama.

Just take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Do what you need to do. Create the boundaries. Don't announce. Do.

I get your point PP. But I think not saying anything could create MORE drama as in family not knowing where you are or what's going on. They will call and call, wondering if OP is in a ditch somewhere. If the letter is short and to the point, they know that when s/he doesn't return calls or show up at some family event, it's because s/he made a decision not to.

[Anonymous]

I think you cqn cut them off without the letter. Just tell them you need space and to be independent.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Why don't you have your own bank accts in the first place? Do you live with your family? What did they do to your dogs?

If you have your own place, you should establish your own bank accts and get another dog sitter. I don't think that you necessarily need to break off all communication with your family in any official way but you do need some serious space.

[Anonymous]

This whole post screams drama. Are you the parent or the child?

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP? You sound young. As others have said, don't announce, just DO.

And your original version of the letter is all drama. They also will never accept your reasons and will never understand where you're coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending the letter is going to be part of the never ending drama. It's going to create a new spiral of drama.

Just take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Do what you need to do. Create the boundaries. Don't announce. Do.

Yea, this! A letter is just a bid for attention and another example if the drama you say want to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Goodness! This is your mom: take the action, stop the explanation. Just start the drift away, but first end the comingle.

[Anonymous]

... and by the way, dear, don't expect ME to pa the phone bill!

[Anonymous]

Your letter is pretty dramatic, op.

If you're leaving your husband and kids, just do it.

If you're like 19 and trying to break free from your parents, just do it.

As others have said, actions speak louder than words. Your need to announce is behavior you have learned. You don't need help removing your name from a joint account/phone bill.

[Anonymous]

And you don't need to ask them to forward your mail. Change your address with the post office and have the post office forward your mail. Try to change your address with anyone you can think of now, and then as you get the forwarded mail with the sticker, update it with anyone you might have missed.

Like the other PPs, I would not send your letter, and I most likely would not send any letter at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending the letter is going to be part of the never ending drama. It's going to create a new spiral of drama.

Just take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Do what you need to do. Create the boundaries. Don't announce. Do.

+1 . OP - Do you really not see that your letter is full of drama and totally fanning the flames? If you really want to distance yourself, just do it. Slowly, quietly, firmly remove yourself from whatever situations are causing the drama. Don't go sending drama filled letters or having drama filled conversations with people.