No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. It's fine to have an adults-only event. Nobody should get mad about it.

2. It's fine to decline to come to such an event for any reason at all, including childcare. Nobody should get mad about it.

3. If you think there must be a family reunion, then arrange one yourself. No other person owes it to you and is obligated to do it for you.

In the past #3 weddings and funerals were a natural way of getting family members together. Since most Americans don't get much time off. Why is that all of a sudden seen as a negative? If you get only two weeks off you would plan a family reunion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

Better idea - decline the invite if it's a problem. Then you save the babysitter fees and are not obligated to get a gift. You're welcome.

Yeah no. Dont declare an entire country’s society insane without acknowledging what the issues are around childfree weddings.

What are the issues? That you have no friends or family to help you out for a night out? Short on funds? Is this the engaged couple's problem to solve for you? It's a party just say no if you can't make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Again, we are a much larger country and a lot of the weddings we are attending aren’t family, they are for friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. It's fine to have an adults-only event. Nobody should get mad about it.

2. It's fine to decline to come to such an event for any reason at all, including childcare. Nobody should get mad about it.

3. If you think there must be a family reunion, then arrange one yourself. No other person owes it to you and is obligated to do it for you.

In the past #3 weddings and funerals were a natural way of getting family members together. Since most Americans don't get much time off. Why is that all of a sudden seen as a negative? If you get only two weeks off you would plan a family reunion?

Hey, things change. That doesn't mean other people owe it to you to keep it the same. If you want something enough, go for it -- if not, then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

Better idea - decline the invite if it's a problem. Then you save the babysitter fees and are not obligated to get a gift. You're welcome.

Yeah no. Dont declare an entire country’s society insane without acknowledging what the issues are around childfree weddings.

What are the issues? That you have no friends or family to help you out for a night out? Short on funds? Is this the engaged couple's problem to solve for you? It's a party just say no if you can't make it work.

The issues are that we are a much more spread out country. It’s not like Europe for example where people are much more compact. Stop denigrating an entire country when places are just very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

Actually, most cultures around the world DO have childless weddings, thank goodness. A legally binding wedding in most places around the world involve four adults: two people getting married, an officiant, and a witness.

You mean “childless receptions.” A reception is a party that happens after a wedding. A wedding does not require a reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think not inviting close relatives of any age is a dumb idea. Family is family, not matter the age and a wedding (to me) is an important family event. I can understand not inviting all the kids of your current friends or less close relations, because not all weddings are for kids.

But some people get so blinded by "NO KIDS" they alienate their sister for life over a 12 year old's attendance. It's silly.

Like someone said above, they want a family reunion they can plan and pay for one. End of. The couple gets to choose, no questions asked. You can decline, no questions asked.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

Bigotry and intolerance are worth breaking up a family over; parties are not. Your priorities are out of whack. Imagine how you would feel getting the phone call that one of your sisters had died, and you had wasted time and emotions and squandered the gifts of family and sisterhood over a party. A party.

Are you always so absurdly melodramatic, or only on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

Better idea - decline the invite if it's a problem. Then you save the babysitter fees and are not obligated to get a gift. You're welcome.

Yeah no. Dont declare an entire country’s society insane without acknowledging what the issues are around childfree weddings.

What are the issues? That you have no friends or family to help you out for a night out? Short on funds? Is this the engaged couple's problem to solve for you? It's a party just say no if you can't make it work.

The issues are that we are a much more spread out country. It’s not like Europe for example where people are much more compact. Stop denigrating an entire country when places are just very different.

I wasn't that poster, just trying to figure out what you mean the "issues" are. It's just a wedding, go or don't go, it's not a referendum on American society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people who leave their kids all the time to go to work, other parties, the gym, etc, get so worked up against this.

I had no kids OTHER than family at my wedding. I did invite related kids. I am glad they were there. But I don't feel like it's offensive if relatives don't invite my kids.

Because they want to show off their kids to family/friends who don't see them all the time - whether they will admit to this reason or not.

This. Dress them up. “Look at them on the dance floor. Aren’t they cuuuuuute?” Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

Yet the "foreigners" came here willingly. Can't be that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

Bigotry and intolerance are worth breaking up a family over; parties are not. Your priorities are out of whack. Imagine how you would feel getting the phone call that one of your sisters had died, and you had wasted time and emotions and squandered the gifts of family and sisterhood over a party. A party.

Are you always so absurdly melodramatic, or only on DCUM?

NP. It’s not melodramatic to point out that people do die, everyone does. We do have a limited time on this planet, which is why some of us don’t choose to sweat the small stuff. I find that people who get worked up over things like this do so because they LIKE family drama. It fills their otherwise boring days. It gives them something to feel superior and relevant about.