Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

[Anonymous]

OK troll poster is going off the rails now. Stop engaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

I don't see how. I stayed home, and now I work FT. I don't work any harder than I used to. While I'm at work, my children are taken care of by other people, not me. I worked all day as a SAHM, and I work all day as a WOHM. Not much changed in terms of work, really

Doing chores around the house isn't "work"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

I don't see how. I stayed home, and now I work FT. I don't work any harder than I used to. While I'm at work, my children are taken care of by other people, not me. I worked all day as a SAHM, and I work all day as a WOHM. Not much changed in terms of work, really

I realize that poster is ridiculous but most people don't have 3 kids AT HOME. It's infinitely harder to have 3 kids in school and work than have 3 kids in school (even part time) and not work. I don't see how that's even a question.

[Anonymous]

I think the truth is that there are issues with working and taking care of children that many working women aren't willing to admit. At the same time there are issues because businesses have difficulty taking women seriously when so many work a couple of years and then stay home to raise their family. There are still issues with men taking women seriously even in the family. A recent political discussion has been about making college free by increasing taxes. Well who should this free college be for? Are there any requirements to use those skills in the workforce? Are women really paid less than males? What can they bring to the table on other political matters if so many are home taking care of the kids? Trying to be masters of the home and workplace is having an effect on males as well. You can't say your choice is just a personal one. It affects trends in our country. The different choices women are making these days need to be addressed for the benefit of all and unfortunately because of individual choices, it doesn't always mean that decisions will be equal for men and women.

[Anonymous]

grandma wasn't raised to think she could do anything else

Not true, my grandmother was raised to believe that the mother should be the most educated member of the family because she stayed home with and educated the kids. She had a masters in nursing and became a nursing professor after her kids were in college. I think the problem is that taking care of kids is somehow seen as unimportant or less valuable than working a paid job. It's not -- someone has to rear the kids, and I would prefer it's someone highly educated and loving (whether a paid caregiver or a SAH parent).

I'm a WOHM married to a SAHD (who is wonderful). I have absolute respect for SAHMs. I do wish SAHMs would not assume I will judge them, and I wish I would not have been excluded in our neighborhood moms' group, but that is a discussion for another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read this whole thread, so likely someone has already pointed this out, but being a sahm does not mean that is the only thing you ever did. I'm a former scientist turned sahm. My kids love hearing about the research that I used to do, and I am instilling a love of science in both my son and my daughter. I doubt my daughter would list becoming an astronaut as one of her aspirations if she was hanging out with a nanny after school instead of watching NASA videos of the ISS with me. I actually worked part time until my second child was born, and frankly, because I made it a point to always work around my first child's schedule, he didn't even notice that I was working. So, if you think that the only example of women having choices is by taking time away from your kids, you're wrong. Kudos to those who have flexible jobs that allow them to be there for their kids when needed, without a whole lot of stress on the entire family. For many of us, that is not realistic. My staying home benefits my entire family by allowing us to always make whatever choice is best for the kids (such as keeping them at home when they are even slightly sick and not worrying about summer plans) without the stress of dealing with an employer's expectations. With my particular career, that flexibility would not have been possible if I continued to woh. My former professsional interests have a greater influence on my kids' interests than my husband's current career because I get to spend more time with our kids than he does. So, if anything, by staying home, I am actually guiding my daughter toward interests in stem to a greater extent than if I was still woh.

+1. Those of us who had children late in life have had amazing careers and I don't think my children will suffer in any way if I take time off to raise them. Granted, I will try to work 1 day a week after the baby is born, so I'm not a true stay at home mom. Although I technically have to rely on my husband to cover most of our expenses, I can get a job very quickly and when I work full time, I make much more than my husband. Feminism is about giving women a choice. It doesn't mean we all have to slave away outside of the home. It means we get to choose whether we want to stay home or work elsewhere.

But before there was feminism, you were AH. No change for you then.

You can really be that dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't come across hate for SAHMs in my circle (I'm a lawyer). It's a choice and feminism is all about choices. I also don't get the anger over SAHMs who went to prestigious schools. I believe education is important for the country and for voters. I don't think it's throwing it away to go to fancy schools than decide to stay home.

That said, I am glad I am not a SAHM. My husband had an affair and I would not want to have to be reliant on him financially. He was one of the most loving, doting husbands and dads and everyone was shocked. He was my best friend and we had a very active sex life. Thus, I really feel like I need my own financial abilities. I also wonder what happens when the kids leave the nest - off for college or whatever. Are the dads resentful? Are the moms bored? I am fine with people doing the whole SAH thing, but I would be worried. Of course, I generally am a worrier.

You are a lawyer. So am I. I shouldn't have to answer your last questions for you. If you were home and had time on your hands, what would you do? Nothing? I highly doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

I don't see how. I stayed home, and now I work FT. I don't work any harder than I used to. While I'm at work, my children are taken care of by other people, not me. I worked all day as a SAHM, and I work all day as a WOHM. Not much changed in terms of work, really

You don't do a second shift at home? You outsource all laundry, cleaning, cooking, car care, financial management?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

grandma wasn't raised to think she could do anything else

Not true, my grandmother was raised to believe that the mother should be the most educated member of the family because she stayed home with and educated the kids. She had a masters in nursing and became a nursing professor after her kids were in college. I think the problem is that taking care of kids is somehow seen as unimportant or less valuable than working a paid job. It's not -- someone has to rear the kids, and I would prefer it's someone highly educated and loving (whether a paid caregiver or a SAH parent).

I'm a WOHM married to a SAHD (who is wonderful). I have absolute respect for SAHMs. I do wish SAHMs would not assume I will judge them, and I wish I would not have been excluded in our neighborhood moms' group, but that is a discussion for another day.

My grandma assumed her kids would go to public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't come across hate for SAHMs in my circle (I'm a lawyer). It's a choice and feminism is all about choices. I also don't get the anger over SAHMs who went to prestigious schools. I believe education is important for the country and for voters. I don't think it's throwing it away to go to fancy schools than decide to stay home.

That said, I am glad I am not a SAHM. My husband had an affair and I would not want to have to be reliant on him financially. He was one of the most loving, doting husbands and dads and everyone was shocked. He was my best friend and we had a very active sex life. Thus, I really feel like I need my own financial abilities. I also wonder what happens when the kids leave the nest - off for college or whatever. Are the dads resentful? Are the moms bored? I am fine with people doing the whole SAH thing, but I would be worried. Of course, I generally am a worrier.

You are a lawyer. So am I. I shouldn't have to answer your last questions for you. If you were home and had time on your hands, what would you do? Nothing? I highly doubt it.

It's a question of financial security in the event of affair/divorce, not a matter of using one's time wisely.

[Anonymous]

White people problem or 1st World problem? I can not decide.

However, this is the only country in the world where such inane conversations happen. Am I surprised that this level of ignorance and self indulgence spawned Trump? Not really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

I don't see how. I stayed home, and now I work FT. I don't work any harder than I used to. While I'm at work, my children are taken care of by other people, not me. I worked all day as a SAHM, and I work all day as a WOHM. Not much changed in terms of work, really

I realize that poster is ridiculous but most people don't have 3 kids AT HOME. It's infinitely harder to have 3 kids in school and work than have 3 kids in school (even part time) and not work. I don't see how that's even a question.

I just find modern SAHMs disingenuous after a certain point.

You opted out of the workforce because you hated your job; you didn't find something you felt passionate about; you married a provider who makes it unnecessary for you to work; you'd rather stay home and work on your barre moves etc.

Please do not say it is for the betterment of your children because as science proves, Working moms are best for families and kids:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201504/working-moms-have-healthier-more-successful-kids

http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/15/news/economy/working-moms-kids-better-off-harvard-study/

http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/could-it-be-stay-at-home-moms-are-bad-for-children/

[Anonymous]

Educated, enlightened and open minded parents raise thoughtful and introspective children.

Seeing this thread and the way SAHMs and WOHMs go after each other is not only ridiculous, but also makes me wonder what kind of kids they are raising?

[Anonymous]

HA HA HA, theblaze is not exactly a reliable source for... anything.

[Anonymous]

I have a full career and an advanced degree from a top 10 R1 institution. I have worked in a demanding field for 20 years and am considered a top performer at my company. In two weeks, I will be an independent contractor 15 hours/week with an infant at home and a young elementary child. I never, ever, thought I would do this. I never, ever thought I would want this. I have always joked that working moms and antidepressants are the two major reasons that there are fewer abused children (source: I made it up).

You know what? I'm tired. Our family dynamic/logistics are such that I have the more demanding job and I work more hours, but I also have to cover drop off and doctor's appts. My eldest has some developmental delays and is not an easy child (a good child, a loving child, but a child who needs a lot of her mom and dad). I am exclusively breastfeeding an infant. I am working 50-60 hours/week with wildly inconsistent hours and conference calls all over the world. My husband works in a SCIF and isn't able to WFH or flex his hours the way I can.

Flexing my hours and working from home is hard. IT IS REALLY FREAKING HARD. And I'm tired all the time. And I have a chronic health condition.

We decided that, for what childcare cost, we would be losing 1/4 (not 1/2 despite the fact that DH and I make the same amount) of our monthly income if I resigned. I will be contracting during naps and just enough for me to (1) keep my resume active, (2) talk to adults, (3) enjoy my time with the kids more. I will take on a bit more of the household management than I already do (I do about 65%) and we will cease spending money on all the things we spend money on so we can both keep working.

I am scared out of my mind. I am excited as well. And I don't think my kids will suddenly think that there are no options for moms except for staying home. I have had a full, demanding career in a male-dominated field. My older child knows mommy works and has always worked and has made sacrifices. She is also INCREDIBLY excited that we'll get to spend the summer together.

Nothing is forever. We'll recalibrate in a few years. But I don't resent women who can afford to stay home. I am in awe and I hope to God I'll be good at it because kids are thankless. I get positive feedback all the time at work. Seven year olds don't appreciate your dedication to... well, anything.