Reply to Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a full career and an advanced degree from a top 10 R1 institution.  I have worked in a demanding field for 20 years and am considered a top performer at my company.  In two weeks, I will be an independent contractor 15 hours/week with an infant at home and a young elementary child.  I never, ever, thought I would do this.  I never, ever thought I would want this.  I have always joked that working moms and antidepressants are the two major reasons that there are fewer abused children (source: I made it up).

You know what?  I'm tired.  Our family dynamic/logistics are such that I have the more demanding job and I work more hours, but I also have to cover drop off and doctor's appts.  My eldest has some developmental delays and is not an easy child (a good child, a loving child, but a child who needs a lot of her mom and dad).  I am exclusively breastfeeding an infant.  I am working 50-60 hours/week with wildly inconsistent hours and conference calls all over the world.  My husband works in a SCIF and isn't able to WFH or flex his hours the way I can.

Flexing my hours and working from home is hard.  IT IS REALLY FREAKING HARD.  And I'm tired all the time.  And I have a chronic health condition.

We decided that, for what childcare cost, we would be losing 1/4 (not 1/2 despite the fact that DH and I make the same amount) of our monthly income if I resigned.  I will be contracting during naps and just enough for me to (1) keep my resume active, (2) talk to adults, (3) enjoy my time with the kids more.  I will take on a bit more of the household management than I already do (I do about 65%) and we will cease spending money on all the things we spend money on so we can both keep working.

I am scared out of my mind.  I am excited as well.  And I don't think my kids will suddenly think that there are no options for moms except for staying home.  I have had a full, demanding career in a male-dominated field.  My older child knows mommy works and has always worked and has made sacrifices.  She is also INCREDIBLY excited that we'll get to spend the summer together.

Nothing is forever.  We'll recalibrate in a few years.  But I don't resent women who can afford to stay home.  I am in awe and I hope to God I'll be good at it because kids are thankless.  I get positive feedback all the time at work.  Seven year olds don't appreciate your dedication to... well, anything.[/quote]

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