Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

[Anonymous]

Well I love being a sahm. I have 3 kids 2 in school and one in half days for the next two years. It's the perfect amount of free time/childcare for me. Sometimes I feel bad for my H when I think about what my typical day looks like. Today I have a hair appointment (I love not having to go on Saturdays anymore), lunch with my mom, DD's ice skating lesson, and a play date at the park with a friend later with her kids. Lovely. I feel so lucky that this is my "job." I never get that miserable feeling in the pit of my stomach on Sunday afternoons anymore. He likes that I'm home with the kids full thing me though so I don't feel too bad.

[Anonymous]

Are you sound ridiculously defensive - but that's fair enough. I'm talking more about the SAHMs who were like "our first woman president! So proud to take my daughters to vote for her!"

New poster. What is wrong with that? I'm sure it was the same for African Americans to proudly say "my children can vote for the first black man" How is this any different and how is it hyprocritical to think this way? Serious question.. You do know that not every woman or man wants to run for political office. Are you saying if a woman was a lawyer and said what you said it would be ok?

I see nothing wrong with SAHMs happy and excited that their daughters could vote for Hillary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read this whole thread, so likely someone has already pointed this out, but being a sahm does not mean that is the only thing you ever did. I'm a former scientist turned sahm. My kids love hearing about the research that I used to do, and I am instilling a love of science in both my son and my daughter. I doubt my daughter would list becoming an astronaut as one of her aspirations if she was hanging out with a nanny after school instead of watching NASA videos of the ISS with me. I actually worked part time until my second child was born, and frankly, because I made it a point to always work around my first child's schedule, he didn't even notice that I was working. So, if you think that the only example of women having choices is by taking time away from your kids, you're wrong. Kudos to those who have flexible jobs that allow them to be there for their kids when needed, without a whole lot of stress on the entire family. For many of us, that is not realistic. My staying home benefits my entire family by allowing us to always make whatever choice is best for the kids (such as keeping them at home when they are even slightly sick and not worrying about summer plans) without the stress of dealing with an employer's expectations. With my particular career, that flexibility would not have been possible if I continued to woh. My former professsional interests have a greater influence on my kids' interests than my husband's current career because I get to spend more time with our kids than he does. So, if anything, by staying home, I am actually guiding my daughter toward interests in stem to a greater extent than if I was still woh.

so your daughter is more likely to become a scientist because you used to be a scientist but now SAH, as opposed to if you were still a working scientist? Riiiiiight.

NP The cognitive dissonance of these presumably educated women is unbelievable , but then again we have a man with the vocabulary of a four year old as president , thanks in no small part to some of these women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I love being a sahm. I have 3 kids 2 in school and one in half days for the next two years. It's the perfect amount of free time/childcare for me. Sometimes I feel bad for my H when I think about what my typical day looks like. Today I have a hair appointment (I love not having to go on Saturdays anymore), lunch with my mom, DD's ice skating lesson, and a play date at the park with a friend later with her kids. Lovely. I feel so lucky that this is my "job." I never get that miserable feeling in the pit of my stomach on Sunday afternoons anymore. He likes that I'm home with the kids full thing me though so I don't feel too bad.

What do you do for intellectual stimulation, or it's not that important to you?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure where the assumption comes from that once a SAHM, always a SAHM. I worked full time, was on committees etc.

I also don't understand the disdain for what women did a generation or two ago. Was their role not important? Thinking back to my mom's stories growing up, are some of you implying that my Grandma's time was useless? Who else was going to do all of that? She had a massive garden she loved spending time in, etc. She sewed for her own family and others. That brought in a little extra money and provided what others needed.

You don't have to go sit in an office or a court room, or go to meetings all day to be doing something worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sound ridiculously defensive - but that's fair enough. I'm talking more about the SAHMs who were like "our first woman president! So proud to take my daughters to vote for her!"

New poster. What is wrong with that? I'm sure it was the same for African Americans to proudly say "my children can vote for the first black man" How is this any different and how is it hyprocritical to think this way? Serious question.. You do know that not every woman or man wants to run for political office. Are you saying if a woman was a lawyer and said what you said it would be ok?

I see nothing wrong with SAHMs happy and excited that their daughters could vote for Hillary.

Please explain the correlation between AAs excited to vote for Obama and white women choosing to live like it's 1850 and excited to vote for a woman who chose a lifestyle closer to what women fought and died for . I'll wait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure where the assumption comes from that once a SAHM, always a SAHM. I worked full time, was on committees etc.

I also don't understand the disdain for what women did a generation or two ago. Was their role not important? Thinking back to my mom's stories growing up, are some of you implying that my Grandma's time was useless? Who else was going to do all of that? She had a massive garden she loved spending time in, etc. She sewed for her own family and others. That brought in a little extra money and provided what others needed.

You don't have to go sit in an office or a court room, or go to meetings all day to be doing something worthwhile.

Your grandma was captive labor and none of the shit she did provided a net benefit for society . That you failed to realize it shows the irreparable damage patriarchy has done to the psyche of women in this country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought feminism was freeng women from societal norms so they could chose who they wanted to be and not be forced by society into pre-conceived roles? So who gets to choose for the individual woman - the woman or society? Is society now choosing that women must WOH or be thought less than those who do? Just like years ago women who WOH were thought to be less than those who SAH? I thought feminism meant women got to choose for themselves. Now other women are choosing for them?

You're being purposely disingenuous

No, I am not. If feminism was about women seizing control of their own destiny and choosing what they want for their own lives rather than being forced into a role or denied opportunities available to men, then why is the choice to SAH denied to them (or at least undervalued) by other women?

Feminism is about having the same work opportunities as men.

It's that and more. It's equal pay for equal work, reproductive choice, the right to vote. But are women required to vote? No. Can women choose to use contraceptives and if so, what method? Of course. So now that women have more equal (not yet fully equal) opportunities in the work force, they have a duty to WOH? That's just as bad as the old days when women who WOH were looked down upon because society thought they had a duty to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure where the assumption comes from that once a SAHM, always a SAHM. I worked full time, was on committees etc.

I also don't understand the disdain for what women did a generation or two ago. Was their role not important? Thinking back to my mom's stories growing up, are some of you implying that my Grandma's time was useless? Who else was going to do all of that? She had a massive garden she loved spending time in, etc. She sewed for her own family and others. That brought in a little extra money and provided what others needed.

You don't have to go sit in an office or a court room, or go to meetings all day to be doing something worthwhile.

grandma wasn't raised to think she could do anything else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are all going to die anyway so stop yapping who is better or not. You all are gonna be sitting in a wet, poopy diaper eating mashed food somewhere your precious snowflakes will send you to. At the end of the day, no one is going to care of you were WOHM or SAHM or not. Good luck everyone.

Man, ain't this the truth. The older I get, the more true this is. Both of my parents worked and had great careers, they're retired in their 70s now, and we don't sit around discussing their careers or their career accomplishments. They like to tell the same old stories about some embarrassing shit I said as a kid, some embarrassing shit I did as a kid, how cute I was as a kid, etc, etc.

I am a Hospice Minister and spend nearly every day with dying people. No one talks about their careers at the end of life. They are happy to answer questions if you ask. But what they really want to talk about is family, friends, relationships, and usually spirituality. They all engage in a sort of life review and it always centers on relationships, not money. I am by no means anti-WOHM. I work. However, if you think you will care about your big job or rewarding career when you are dying, you are sadly mistaken. No one else will care either. Your children will not care about the cases you won, the research you did, or the money you earned. They care about the time you spent with them.

WOHMs and SAHMs both have the ability to raise independent girls. I hope we are all making the choices that are best for our family given our unique circumstances. If you are a SAHM causing a financial strain on your family, you might want to re-evaluate. If you are a WOHM who sees her newborn for two hours a day, you might want to re-think your priorities. Most of us are just doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are all going to die anyway so stop yapping who is better or not. You all are gonna be sitting in a wet, poopy diaper eating mashed food somewhere your precious snowflakes will send you to. At the end of the day, no one is going to care of you were WOHM or SAHM or not. Good luck everyone.

Man, ain't this the truth. The older I get, the more true this is. Both of my parents worked and had great careers, they're retired in their 70s now, and we don't sit around discussing their careers or their career accomplishments. They like to tell the same old stories about some embarrassing shit I said as a kid, some embarrassing shit I did as a kid, how cute I was as a kid, etc, etc.

But they also don't sit around being regretful that they didn't SAH.

I know right. My grandmother on her deathbed wished she had spent more time at the office. Those kids definitely held her back from breaking the glass ceiling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some jealous there. In the DC area, one partner has to be making a lot of money to enable the other to stay home and still maintain a nice lifestyle (nice house in a close in nabe, vacations, nice cars, pricey extracurricular activities for the kiddos, maybe private school, etc.)

To have an UMC lifestyle with a SAHP, the breadwinner has to be making 300-400k +.

On my end its less jealous and more...disbelief. I was raised to be independent and to own my own financials. When I went into my marriage I was comfortably set in a career and had two properties free-and-clear. That only helped when we made future decisions together to buy our 'dream' home. It boggles my mind that some women will rely solely on another person's generosity to live their life.

It disturbs me even further when these same women, some of them friends, were die-hard Hillary fans and very much into telling their daughters that 'this will be the first woman president, someone to look up to, someone to emulate' and yet the closest rolemodel to those daughters completely opted out of a career. How can you tell your children to aspire to be the head of NASA or a president or a multi-millionaire CEO, but you didn't bother to do anything yourself?

Not relying on someone's generosity. I, along with my husband, decided together how to structure our lives. If you can't trust your spouse, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

NP she never needed to trust anybody , unlike you she had her shit together with or without a husband . Try some reading comprehension , you might like it .

You should take your own advice!!

Says the woman whose vagina is her meal ticket . Hopefully that husband , I mean ATM of yours doesn't trade you for a younger model once your SAHM gig is up. Unlike you, I happen to have handled mine without having to use my vagina as a bargaining chip . It's always interesting and amusing when I have to interview women like you .

Ummmm humans are designed for relationships. My vagina is for sexual pleasure and reproduction. Whatever you "use" yours is probably not something we need to know about. It must be incredibly interesting for you to interview actual human beings - since you do not seem to be one. We read! We work for money! We raise children and take time off from work while wearing yoga pants! We have sex and form partnerships in the form of marriage (yes that is an actual thing!!!) it must be absolutely fascinating for you to have been sent here to study us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure where the assumption comes from that once a SAHM, always a SAHM. I worked full time, was on committees etc.

I also don't understand the disdain for what women did a generation or two ago. Was their role not important? Thinking back to my mom's stories growing up, are some of you implying that my Grandma's time was useless? Who else was going to do all of that? She had a massive garden she loved spending time in, etc. She sewed for her own family and others. That brought in a little extra money and provided what others needed.

You don't have to go sit in an office or a court room, or go to meetings all day to be doing something worthwhile.

Your grandma was captive labor and none of the shit she did provided a net benefit for society . That you failed to realize it shows the irreparable damage patriarchy has done to the psyche of women in this country

You are pretty clueless. Why do you think all the leading suffragette women were wealthy whites?

[Anonymous]

What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What bugs me about SAHMs is that they are so lazy and unmotivated but pretend that they're the hardest working people in the society.

A mom with a full time career and 3 kids works WAY harder than a SAHM with 3 kids.

But of the two it will be the SAHM that will mostly be complaining more about no time and having no sleep.

On top of that she will appear all smug and say her kids come first. As if.

The working mom does more with the hours in her day than the SAHM. She manages to earn money, find intellectual stimulation AND raise her kids.

You do NOT need free 24 hour to raise children. You're just lazy.

I don't see how. I stayed home, and now I work FT. I don't work any harder than I used to. While I'm at work, my children are taken care of by other people, not me. I worked all day as a SAHM, and I work all day as a WOHM. Not much changed in terms of work, really