Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?

[Anonymous]

My cousin's wife got diagnosed with Celiac a few years ago. She was having a lot of issues with miscarriages, and being very ill much of the year. Because Thanksgiving is a time when there can be a lot of issues with cross contamination with baking, etc. my mom offered to do a 100% gluten free Thanksgiving and has now been doing it for a few years. This includes using almond flour for the pies, using cornstarch instead of flour to thicken gravy, etc. So far my cousin's wife can enjoy Thanksgiving without anxiety and everyone else doesn't seem to notice. There are typically up to ~7 children between the ages of 2-8 who attend, some of whom are relatively picky, who seem to manage just fine. Mashed potatoes always seem to be a big hit with small children. Anyway, it doesn't seem to be a unreasonable burden on relatives to eat gluten free Thanksgiving, or more of a burden than typical Thanksgiving craziness for my mom to cook it.

As far as gluten free foods go, gluten free pasta is easy and there are a lot of options for GF pasta these days. I recommend the corn and quinoa pasta, and especially if you put any cheese or red sauce on it, I doubt your kids would notice that it is not normal pasta. GF bread has gotten much better in recent years, and GF crackers are often very good and kid friendly. If you want chicken nuggets or whatever, since they are fried, I doubt your kids would notice much if there is a corn/rice based flour. Of course corn tortillas and rice are already gluten free. I don't think this has to be a giant ordeal for you/your kids, especially if it is only a week. It would probably mean a lot to grandma (who feels like she needs to go out of her way to accommodate) and to your BIL/SIL who probably have a lot of anxiety over the situation. Especially since their kid is only two and can't look out for themselves and decide what will make them sick or not. Also it's a new diagnosis and they might relax a bit after getting used to the situation. I agree with your PP that since your kids are older, it's now time for you to go out of your way and be gracious. Your BIL/SIL probably did all kinds of inconvenient things when your children were babies/toddlers and now it's time to pay it forward.

Personally, I am more than willing to go out of my way to accommodate people's dietary restrictions related to legitimate medical issues. I find non-medically related pickiness to be incredibly annoying, and a lot of the time inflexibly catering to pickiness for small children just exacerbates the problem. No one is going to starve eating gluten free chicken nuggets for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin's wife got diagnosed with Celiac a few years ago. She was having a lot of issues with miscarriages, and being very ill much of the year. Because Thanksgiving is a time when there can be a lot of issues with cross contamination with baking, etc. my mom offered to do a 100% gluten free Thanksgiving and has now been doing it for a few years. This includes using almond flour for the pies, using cornstarch instead of flour to thicken gravy, etc. So far my cousin's wife can enjoy Thanksgiving without anxiety and everyone else doesn't seem to notice. There are typically up to ~7 children between the ages of 2-8 who attend, some of whom are relatively picky, who seem to manage just fine. Mashed potatoes always seem to be a big hit with small children. Anyway, it doesn't seem to be a unreasonable burden on relatives to eat gluten free Thanksgiving, or more of a burden than typical Thanksgiving craziness for my mom to cook it.

As far as gluten free foods go, gluten free pasta is easy and there are a lot of options for GF pasta these days. I recommend the corn and quinoa pasta, and especially if you put any cheese or red sauce on it, I doubt your kids would notice that it is not normal pasta. GF bread has gotten much better in recent years, and GF crackers are often very good and kid friendly. If you want chicken nuggets or whatever, since they are fried, I doubt your kids would notice much if there is a corn/rice based flour. Of course corn tortillas and rice are already gluten free. I don't think this has to be a giant ordeal for you/your kids, especially if it is only a week. It would probably mean a lot to grandma (who feels like she needs to go out of her way to accommodate) and to your BIL/SIL who probably have a lot of anxiety over the situation. Especially since their kid is only two and can't look out for themselves and decide what will make them sick or not. Also it's a new diagnosis and they might relax a bit after getting used to the situation. I agree with your PP that since your kids are older, it's now time for you to go out of your way and be gracious. Your BIL/SIL probably did all kinds of inconvenient things when your children were babies/toddlers and now it's time to pay it forward.

Personally, I am more than willing to go out of my way to accommodate people's dietary restrictions related to legitimate medical issues. I find non-medically related pickiness to be incredibly annoying, and a lot of the time inflexibly catering to pickiness for small children just exacerbates the problem. No one is going to starve eating gluten free chicken nuggets for a week.

So many good points here, especially about your BIL/SIL probably accommodating YOU and your DH, OP, when you were the ones who had the small babies.

[Anonymous]

I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin's wife got diagnosed with Celiac a few years ago. She was having a lot of issues with miscarriages, and being very ill much of the year. Because Thanksgiving is a time when there can be a lot of issues with cross contamination with baking, etc. my mom offered to do a 100% gluten free Thanksgiving and has now been doing it for a few years. This includes using almond flour for the pies, using cornstarch instead of flour to thicken gravy, etc. So far my cousin's wife can enjoy Thanksgiving without anxiety and everyone else doesn't seem to notice. There are typically up to ~7 children between the ages of 2-8 who attend, some of whom are relatively picky, who seem to manage just fine. Mashed potatoes always seem to be a big hit with small children. Anyway, it doesn't seem to be a unreasonable burden on relatives to eat gluten free Thanksgiving, or more of a burden than typical Thanksgiving craziness for my mom to cook it.

As far as gluten free foods go, gluten free pasta is easy and there are a lot of options for GF pasta these days. I recommend the corn and quinoa pasta, and especially if you put any cheese or red sauce on it, I doubt your kids would notice that it is not normal pasta. GF bread has gotten much better in recent years, and GF crackers are often very good and kid friendly. If you want chicken nuggets or whatever, since they are fried, I doubt your kids would notice much if there is a corn/rice based flour. Of course corn tortillas and rice are already gluten free. I don't think this has to be a giant ordeal for you/your kids, especially if it is only a week. It would probably mean a lot to grandma (who feels like she needs to go out of her way to accommodate) and to your BIL/SIL who probably have a lot of anxiety over the situation. Especially since their kid is only two and can't look out for themselves and decide what will make them sick or not. Also it's a new diagnosis and they might relax a bit after getting used to the situation. I agree with your PP that since your kids are older, it's now time for you to go out of your way and be gracious. Your BIL/SIL probably did all kinds of inconvenient things when your children were babies/toddlers and now it's time to pay it forward.

Personally, I am more than willing to go out of my way to accommodate people's dietary restrictions related to legitimate medical issues. I find non-medically related pickiness to be incredibly annoying, and a lot of the time inflexibly catering to pickiness for small children just exacerbates the problem. No one is going to starve eating gluten free chicken nuggets for a week.

Very good post.

[Anonymous]

This does not sound like a vacation if you have to hear your kids complain about being hungry without food options. I would not be going. Maybe try something where everyone stays at a hotel and they can order gluten free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

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Yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

Well, since the family ***with a celiac toddler and a newborn*** are staying in the small guest cottage, that one needs to be GF. But it's probably a kitchenette, with just sink, mini-fridge, and microwave at most. And since Grandma will likely be preparing all the meals for at least NINE PEOPLE, she probably wants to do something crazy like USE A FULL KITCHEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

Well, since the family ***with a celiac toddler and a newborn*** are staying in the small guest cottage, that one needs to be GF. But it's probably a kitchenette, with just sink, mini-fridge, and microwave at most. And since Grandma will likely be preparing all the meals for at least NINE PEOPLE, she probably wants to do something crazy like USE A FULL KITCHEN.

There's a lot of assuming going on in your assumption.

[Anonymous]

Explain things to the grandma. Have her explain to the family with the celiac kid that your family would be better off in the cottage so you can feed your kids what they'll eat without worrying about cross contamination. This is the obvious answer. If grandma doesn't agree send the kids to see her for every snack and meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people on here still arguing about this like it wasn't resolved?

What page is the solution on, please? TIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people on here still arguing about this like it wasn't resolved?

What page is the solution on, please? TIA.

20. OP provided an update and several people that ACTUALLY READ THE THREAD commended her for how she handled the situation, including a mom of a child with Celiac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people on here still arguing about this like it wasn't resolved?

What page is the solution on, please? TIA.

Page 20.
OP attempted making her kids try GF chicken nuggets (which, BTW, taste like ass... but apparently OP only feeds her kids crap anyway) and grilled cheese on GF bread. Predictably, picky kid had a hissy fit, DH had a hissy fit, OP wrung her hands, DH called his mom and OP's kid survived on PB&J for the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

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Yup

The problem is, apparently you both haven't read the entire thread. There are not two kitchens. There is a kitchen and a kitchenette. A kitchenette is not sufficient for either family to provide all the necessary meals. The solution that would be best for OP's needs is for her to have the smaller cabin where she can feed her kids all the gluten her picky kids apparently can't live without. This, of course, is pretty selfish considering the other family has a newborn and a younger child, but, hey, her picky kids' needs should rule, at least according to most of the ridiculous posts here. So, OP has to be in the big house, with a gluten free kitchen, and is adamant that a cooler of food or an alternative place to keep her gluten food is simply not adequate. She needs to win. Her picky kids' needs are more important than her nephew with celiac and the rest of her family.

Completely selfish. Also, it is very, very easy for kids to go a week without gluten and not even notice the difference. Yes, even the precious ones who can only tolerate chicken nuggets. They can't tell the difference between GF nuggets and the others. Unless you tell them. Which, of course, OP is doing.

(And before you ask, I'm not GF and love all the gluten. But I love my friends and family more and if they can't tolerate my food, I change. OP should take a lesson.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really find the fact that there are TWO kitchens to be the deciding point here. OP never complained about ONE of the kitchens being GF.

This
This
This

Yup

The problem is, apparently you both haven't read the entire thread. There are not two kitchens. There is a kitchen and a kitchenette. A kitchenette is not sufficient for either family to provide all the necessary meals. The solution that would be best for OP's needs is for her to have the smaller cabin where she can feed her kids all the gluten her picky kids apparently can't live without. This, of course, is pretty selfish considering the other family has a newborn and a younger child, but, hey, her picky kids' needs should rule, at least according to most of the ridiculous posts here. So, OP has to be in the big house, with a gluten free kitchen, and is adamant that a cooler of food or an alternative place to keep her gluten food is simply not adequate. She needs to win. Her picky kids' needs are more important than her nephew with celiac and the rest of her family.

Completely selfish. Also, it is very, very easy for kids to go a week without gluten and not even notice the difference. Yes, even the precious ones who can only tolerate chicken nuggets. They can't tell the difference between GF nuggets and the others. Unless you tell them. Which, of course, OP is doing.

(And before you ask, I'm not GF and love all the gluten. But I love my friends and family more and if they can't tolerate my food, I change. OP should take a lesson.)

Apparently another BIG problem is that YOU haven't read the entire thread. Take this as YOUR lesson op: Op has never once thrown a fit or said something wasn't adequate for her. She has only from the beginning to the end tried to ask for sensible solutions. She's never been an asshole and has even bought gf foods to provide for her kid. She is being more than accommodating for her family, husband, inlaws and the allergic kid as well as her own. She has never once been an asshole pp. are you sure you are on the right thread?