Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?

[Anonymous]

I just realized that when you said "she" has cleaned the kitchen you meant Grandma. I was thinking you meant the child's mother.

Regardless of whether or not you think it's over reacting for Grandma to have cleaned the kitchen, it's her kitchen. Bringing gluten into someone's kitchen when you're a guest and they have chosen to make their kitchen gluten free is not OK.

I think you can raise the question of who gets the cabin, but if Grandma has already gone to this effort, then her effort needs to be respected.

[Anonymous]

My niece has celiac. She travels with her own pots, utensils etc. She uses plastic or paper dishes.

[Anonymous]

The problem may be that they have a 2 yo and it's hard to watch them every second around gluten. If there are regular crackers out, the toddler may get into them. It's not the same as having a 7 yo who knows to ask and doesn't need to be watched like a hawk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids won't starve for a week on GF food. My kids adore their cousins and know they will eat kosher and nut free when they visit each other.

Speak for your kids. Mine would. He will choose not to eat for days vs. eat something he does not want to (yes, we've tested it). Kosher and nut free is no big deal as you can still have pasta, bread and lots of other stuff.

If everything your child eats in a week must contain gluten, you have a bigger problem. Fruits, veggies, meat, eggs, nuts, and milk are naturally gf. Your kid's diet is a travesty.

[Anonymous]

PP here.

You know what OP, I'd book a nearby hotel for the 5 days and me done with it.

[Anonymous]

OP here - interesting how split the responses are. A few more details: the place is VERY remote - 4 hour drive from major airport, and we are flying/driving. So no hotels nearby, and no Whole Foods or Wegmans either - the GF substitutes will be the ones available at the Super Target 1.5 hours away. My kids eat lots of fruit and veggies, but aren't big meat eaters, meat being the obvious meal that doesn't normally come with something with gluten (bun, crust, breading, etc). I would suck it up for a weekend without even thinking about it and let them be hungry or eat junk (although even that often has gluten = no ice cream cones!) but 5 days seems like a lot.

I was intentionally vague about whose family this was because I didn't want this to devolve into an in-law issue, but the child belongs to DH's brother, so it isn't that easy to have a 'mom to mom' conversation, and DH just doesn't want to deal.

Whether or not the kid is that sensitive to gluten is not a question for me to ask - the parents had an awful time getting him diagnosed and before they figured it out he wasn't eating and they were worried about failure to thrive, so I certainly don't want to take their concerns about contamination lightly; it is just that they are also monopolizing both kitchens (TBC, the guest cabin just has a kitchenette with a microwave, but we could live with that just to make sandwiches, cereal, nuggets, etc).

I think my takeaway is most people don't think I'm unreasonable in asking, or having DH ask, whether the parents would prefer we keep gluten products in the main house but in our rooms and away from their child, or whether they would like to give us the cabin. Interested in more opinions, though. Thanks all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting how split the responses are. A few more details: the place is VERY remote - 4 hour drive from major airport, and we are flying/driving. So no hotels nearby, and no Whole Foods or Wegmans either - the GF substitutes will be the ones available at the Super Target 1.5 hours away. My kids eat lots of fruit and veggies, but aren't big meat eaters, meat being the obvious meal that doesn't normally come with something with gluten (bun, crust, breading, etc). I would suck it up for a weekend without even thinking about it and let them be hungry or eat junk (although even that often has gluten = no ice cream cones!) but 5 days seems like a lot.

I was intentionally vague about whose family this was because I didn't want this to devolve into an in-law issue, but the child belongs to DH's brother, so it isn't that easy to have a 'mom to mom' conversation, and DH just doesn't want to deal.

Whether or not the kid is that sensitive to gluten is not a question for me to ask - the parents had an awful time getting him diagnosed and before they figured it out he wasn't eating and they were worried about failure to thrive, so I certainly don't want to take their concerns about contamination lightly; it is just that they are also monopolizing both kitchens (TBC, the guest cabin just has a kitchenette with a microwave, but we could live with that just to make sandwiches, cereal, nuggets, etc).

I think my takeaway is most people don't think I'm unreasonable in asking, or having DH ask, whether the parents would prefer we keep gluten products in the main house but in our rooms and away from their child, or whether they would like to give us the cabin. Interested in more opinions, though. Thanks all!

I think it's very reasonable for you to ask between those two options, although I don't see why you wouldn't just go to a Whole Foods etc . . . close to the airport, or ship a box of stuff Amazon Prime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids won't starve for a week on GF food. My kids adore their cousins and know they will eat kosher and nut free when they visit each other.

Speak for your kids. Mine would. He will choose not to eat for days vs. eat something he does not want to (yes, we've tested it). Kosher and nut free is no big deal as you can still have pasta, bread and lots of other stuff.

If everything your child eats in a week must contain gluten, you have a bigger problem. Fruits, veggies, meat, eggs, nuts, and milk are naturally gf. Your kid's diet is a travesty.

My kid does not eat meat so most mains contain gluten. A child cannot live off fruits, veggies and milk for a week.

[Anonymous]

Can they just keep child out of the kitchen and dining area and limit everyone to eating there? They need to find a compromise so all kids get fed. I get their concerns and don't want to minimize it but your kid eating crap or barely anything for a week is not a solution.

[Anonymous]

So one member of the family has a significant food allergy. They (and their parents) deserve to have his health concerns taken seriously. Your children deserve to be able to eat normally on vacation. But when there is a conflict, your nephew's health concerns beat you child's hotdog bun. So-- start from the position that one kitchen will be kept GF and one will not. Ask your sibling which kitchen they would prefer to cook your nephew's food in. If they insist on both, then ask why, listen and explain that you need to find a safe place to prepare and store some gluten products. How does your sibling think this should be handled?

Ask what else you can do accommodate your nephew-- like using disposable kids plates, and not allowing your kids to eat gluten cookies in front of your nephew.

You are aiming for sensitive, but not insane.

[Anonymous]

I'd put the gluten-eaters in the cabin. Especially since Grandma has already gone to the trouble to de-gluten the main kitchen. Then any/all gluten for the visit stays out of the main house.

SIL can't have both kitchens, that's unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids won't starve for a week on GF food. My kids adore their cousins and know they will eat kosher and nut free when they visit each other.

Speak for your kids. Mine would. He will choose not to eat for days vs. eat something he does not want to (yes, we've tested it). Kosher and nut free is no big deal as you can still have pasta, bread and lots of other stuff.

If everything your child eats in a week must contain gluten, you have a bigger problem. Fruits, veggies, meat, eggs, nuts, and milk are naturally gf. Your kid's diet is a travesty.

My kid does not eat meat so most mains contain gluten. A child cannot live off fruits, veggies and milk for a week.

What are you serving for "mains"?

Black bean or lentil tacos in a corn shell

Scrambled eggs and hash browns

Lentil soup

Bean chili

Pizza on a gluten free crust

Apples and peanut butter

Stir fry with tofu

Spaghetti squash with marinara

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So one member of the family has a significant food allergy. They (and their parents) deserve to have his health concerns taken seriously. Your children deserve to be able to eat normally on vacation. But when there is a conflict, your nephew's health concerns beat you child's hotdog bun. So-- start from the position that one kitchen will be kept GF and one will not. Ask your sibling which kitchen they would prefer to cook your nephew's food in. If they insist on both, then ask why, listen and explain that you need to find a safe place to prepare and store some gluten products. How does your sibling think this should be handled?

Ask what else you can do accommodate your nephew-- like using disposable kids plates, and not allowing your kids to eat gluten cookies in front of your nephew.

You are aiming for sensitive, but not insane.

The bolded might have worked before Grandma went to the effort of de-glutening her kitchen. Not an option any more.

[Anonymous]

If this is a new diagnosis, as an allergy mom, I can certainly understand the all or nothing mindset. I think they should have the main kitchen, while you have the kitchenette. that way, they only have to worry about one place. It is very difficult to travel with allergies/sensitivities. I would try my damnest to understand and try to conform this. Next year, as she's gotten used to this new life, may get better for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I have a different take on it. It seems as though they picked the cabin because the new baby rather than the celiac issue. They may not want to disturb everyone with the night waking, crying and ability to have a quiet place for the baby to sleep.

Also did they demand everything be gf? Or is the grandma making that decision. My DS was diagnosed with celiac at 9 months. We thought it was cystic fibrosis or something much more severe. We don't keep a gf house or travel with dishes or anything like that. It was hard when he was 2 but not unmanageable. Is he newly diagnosed? They just may be nervous. I would just talk to your SIL and see what is up.