I'm making a choice that could break my family apart.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to respond or explain yourself. Most people posting here understand what you've written and are not committed to tearing you down. It's fine to disagree with her actions, or to even see OP as enmeshed. But tone is everything, and the last PPs (or PP, because who knows if it's even more than one person) are not just giving their opinions. They're enmeshed themselves now, and on a mission to attack OP, and it's quite obvious in the tone and words used. OP don't waste time explaining, because again, it's not really about you in the case of the above PPs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Thank you so much for updating. From what you said, it sounds like a lot of water was building up behind the damn and your offer sort of exploded the damn and everything came out. You are not at fault for that. In fact, it sounds like you were on the short list of people they were going to ask to be a GC any way. (So for all the trolls, WTF? Go away!)

I seems like the marriage was shakey to begin with. Infertility and child loss can do that. The loss was so many years ago, but I'm sure she put her head down and kept surpressing her grief with the hope that another baby would take away the pain. And if you aren't careful, the laser focus on having a baby slowly destroys your marriage.

(I've also dealt with IF and child loss. We've had to refocus efforts on our marriage as we deal with grief differently. It's a really tough road...)

It sounds like she should have been in therapy many years ago. And as weird as this may sound, I think this damn explosion is a good thing. I think many issues within her and within the marriage will finally be out in the open and dealt with.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe I read all 27 pages but wow! I certainly feel for all involved in this crisis... and yes it is a crisis.

To the OP: You apparently had the best of intentions and clearly did not deserve the backlash you received from the family nor from this community. It's not your fault. SIL is reacting to years of pain and torment that have gone unaddressed. I commend you for being the better person in this and recognizing her pain for what it is. I commend you for having the guts to still be there after being hurt so incredibly deeply. This is the foundation in which decent human beings are built on. The idea of forgiveness... Love thy neighbor. She needs you now more than ever before. You're

As for the SIL: How traumatic! I can see why she reacted - albeit poorly - but understandably. 9 years of infertility. 9 years of struggling emotionally. 9 years of untreated anguish, feeling of failure and facing false hope. She has undoubtedly dealt with a broad range of emotions as best as she could. But a decade of fighting the same internal battle can be taxing. I'm glad she has all the support she has and is getting the help she desperately needs. She's broken right now but with time and support, she can and will heal and be the same beautiful person she still is.

As for the BIL: I do hope he seeks counseling with and without his wife. He too has suffered every bit as much.

To those who troll, judge and doubt this story to be real, does it really matter? There's a lesson in here for all of us. Several actually... the biggest one being how to identify when a person needs help. I'm sure given a chance to do this over, the OP would have handled it differently but still approached her dear friend with the same well meaning intentions. Either way, sometimes in order to save a person from the hell they're experiencing, you have to force them to face the monster that's destroying their soul. That's a painful process but not nearly as painful as the decade of hell she's been through. This is no different than an intervention. The result is the same. They get the help they need to become emotionally healthy again.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop engaging with the crazy poster. No point. The rest of us get it. You don't need to defend yourself.

[Anonymous]

To the mod deleting all the posts I am the OP and I wouldn't mind this being locked. I've gotten the support and advice I needed and this poster just will not stop.

Thank you again to everyone the overwhelming majority of you help my family and I more than we could ever repay you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we aren't allowed to question the authenticity of this post? Nice job deleting all the posts which were NOT sock puppets!

That seems to happen a lot around here, not sure why. The nutty posts stay up, and the ones refuting them are deleted. Maybe the nutty posters are just reporting any posts critical of them? Who knows.

Immediate PP here, sorry, didn't read your post closely enough. When I said nutty posts, I meant the ones harshly criticizing OP and calling her a troll.