DC Urban Moms Farce
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Anonymous
| Narcy has nothing on my ethnically mixed canine! |
Anonymous
| My son will be 18 years old next month, and I regret not having him circumcised when he was an infant. His girlfriend has made some off-color comments to me about his excessive foreskin. Do you think it's too late for me to get him circumcised? Can anyone recommend a good moyle for a briss? |
Anonymous
| I suspect that my nanny has been cursing at me in her native language, which is Philipinno. She smiles at me when she speaks, but I'm pretty sure that she's uttering some profanities. Can anyone recommend a good translator? |
Anonymous
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I'm an older mom, some would say very grandmotherly actually. I am looking for suggestions on where to find elastic waist band pants. I tried Wal-Mart but I was only able to find low-cut terry clothe spandex type pants. My DC and I often visit the park where I spend all of my time playing with DC and the low cut pants show off my butt crack. You young snickerdoodles can pull that look off while sitting on the park bench chatting away with the other young moms, but I need something for my more active visit to the parks, where I play with my DC. I can't dig in the dirt with sticks while trying to stuff my grannie panties back down my slacks!
Also, does anyone know what agency I can contact for help with a sensitive issue. DH and I waited until the time was ripe to have DC. Well, the time has come for us to retire to Florida and the little bugger is only 4 years old. Who is it I can contact to ensure DC is taken care of once we are gone? Thanks bunches and oodles for your suggestions. |
Anonymous
| another old mom here, don't you just hate those you moms out there? Showing it all of and stuff, and *gasp* they wanna talk to me, how dare they? I am trying to spent my daily 15 mins of quality time with DC on the playground, leave me alone! It's MY playground. MINE! Go away! |
Anonymous
| I'm 103 but look 60 years younger. Everyone says so. I take great care of myself, eat well and exercise, so I probably look better than you spring chickens. I partied like a rock star until I was 55, then felt grown up enough to spend 15 years earning a Masters degree. (I once knew a girl who did that when she was 22-24, but since she had children shortly afterward, I'm sure she ended up in a trailer park.) I went on to have a great career and traveled all over the world. There's no way I was mature enough to be a parent any earlier, and if I couldn't have done it, then no one else could possibly have, either. I wouldn't change a thing. After all, Boomers never have any regrets. There are too many of us to serve as yes men for each other. Even my pregnancies (when I was 95 and 98) were easy. I never felt sick a single day since I had hardly any hormones left. Don't you know that the laws of the natural world no longer apply for my generation? 95 is the new 34. |
Anonymous
I need some kotex pads, extra long. No, wait... sorry. Depends. I need Depends. I am so old, why, oh, why did I birth a child through my ancient uterus and aging vaginal canal. Oy Vey, now that old girl is stretched for life. My old uterus and sad little eggs. Well, now I need to go stuff my Depends down my pants. No, wait.... I need to step into them, like a pantie. This is good! I can potty train junior with pull ups, while demonstrating with my Depends! And you thought older moms shouldnt be having kids! Poo on you! Ha ha. |
Anonymous
| That's "(when I was 95 and 97)" for you spring chicks able to see your keyboards without reading glasses! |
Anonymous
duh old mom again. Meant youNG moms, just fell asleep at the keyboard after investing all my energy in running after my toddler. Hey, I am 54, the new 18, I am your new teen mom! |
Anonymous
| It is after midnight. I am awake but sleepy. My one year old is next to me, breathing and sleeping. Should I move him? He is on my favorite pillow and I would like it for myself. I want to teach him about sharing early in life. I mean, he is already in my bed, next to me, touching my arm. Must he use my pillow as well? Am I wrong to take it away? |
Anonymous
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move him, move him! He feels entitled to your pillow, you must not let that happen. What kind of world would this be, if someone else expressed THEIR needs and acted on them without YOU getting your cut first!
Is my spelling okay? Because if it not, I know I will get flamed. |
Anonymous
| PP, "it not"... should have gone to graduate school. That's where they teach you to spell. |
Anonymous
| I think I just ovulated, so I'd like to get on the wait list for some preschools. Can anyone recommend a good pre-school in Chevy Chase, DC? |
Anonymous
| Don't you know there are no good preschools in Chevy Chase? If you can't be bothered to drive your child to Georgetown or Cleveland Park, why are you even TTC? |
Anonymous
| Yesterday I was at the park and I saw a woman playing with her child in the sandbox. I think she's from another country, maybe Canada. I tried to strike up a conversation by complimenting the buttons on her blouse, but she just said, "Thanks, it's from J. Crew," smiled, and went back to playing with her child!!! I sent my friend over to offer her some gum, and she just smiled and said, "No, thanks. That's nice of you, but I'm fine." And turned back to her child again!!!! I don't know what to do. Should I leave a note in her mailbox? (I followed her home yesterday, so I know where she lives.) Should I try to talk to her directly? Should I have my DH offer her a glass of Cakebread Cabernet? Doesn't she know she's dooming her child to a life of social exclusion by playing with her at the park instead of swinging with the rest of the moms? |