Marriage is a horrible deal for women

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

Sure, but you can get laid off. Is a 52 year old woman really having that great of sex with men she meets? Probably not.

A 52 year old single woman might not have as great of a future as she thinks. There’s ageism in the workplace and facing health problems alone. I can’t imagine being 50 and dating.

I’m going to face ageism in the workplace but I have a husband to rely on.

What makes you think there isn’t ageism in marriages? A 52 yo woman can get “laid off” from her marriage too.

And yea btw a 52 yo woman can have great sex. Many aren’t even menopausal yet.

Of course. The point is I wouldn’t count on the sex and career to continue being the same.

I can see how being 40 and single would be great. Still climbing career wise and plenty of men to sleep with. But 50s and older? No thanks. The security and companionship from a semi-decent marriage is way better than being a single 55 year old woman.

With higher than $2mm NW and a good pension fund an unmarried 55 yo woman would do great comparing to a married 55 yo in a miserable marriage and older scolding husband. I see these women in their 60s all over dmv working out in expensive gyms, going on cruises, visiting museums and cultural events. My mother is one of these women and now at 70 she’s way happier than her married peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

Sure, but you can get laid off. Is a 52 year old woman really having that great of sex with men she meets? Probably not.

A 52 year old single woman might not have as great of a future as she thinks. There’s ageism in the workplace and facing health problems alone. I can’t imagine being 50 and dating.

I’m going to face ageism in the workplace but I have a husband to rely on.

What makes you think there isn’t ageism in marriages? A 52 yo woman can get “laid off” from her marriage too.

And yea btw a 52 yo woman can have great sex. Many aren’t even menopausal yet.

Of course. The point is I wouldn’t count on the sex and career to continue being the same.

I can see how being 40 and single would be great. Still climbing career wise and plenty of men to sleep with. But 50s and older? No thanks. The security and companionship from a semi-decent marriage is way better than being a single 55 year old woman.

With higher than $2mm NW and a good pension fund an unmarried 55 yo woman would do great comparing to a married 55 yo in a miserable marriage and older scolding husband. I see these women in their 60s all over dmv working out in expensive gyms, going on cruises, visiting museums and cultural events. My mother is one of these women and now at 70 she’s way happier than her married peers.

I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

And also that there are just tons of single 60+ year old women with a pension and >$2mil net worth roaming in public. That has to be what like, .01% of the female population in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

Sure, but you can get laid off. Is a 52 year old woman really having that great of sex with men she meets? Probably not.

A 52 year old single woman might not have as great of a future as she thinks. There’s ageism in the workplace and facing health problems alone. I can’t imagine being 50 and dating.

I’m going to face ageism in the workplace but I have a husband to rely on.

What makes you think there isn’t ageism in marriages? A 52 yo woman can get “laid off” from her marriage too.

And yea btw a 52 yo woman can have great sex. Many aren’t even menopausal yet.

Of course. The point is I wouldn’t count on the sex and career to continue being the same.

I can see how being 40 and single would be great. Still climbing career wise and plenty of men to sleep with. But 50s and older? No thanks. The security and companionship from a semi-decent marriage is way better than being a single 55 year old woman.

With higher than $2mm NW and a good pension fund an unmarried 55 yo woman would do great comparing to a married 55 yo in a miserable marriage and older scolding husband. I see these women in their 60s all over dmv working out in expensive gyms, going on cruises, visiting museums and cultural events. My mother is one of these women and now at 70 she’s way happier than her married peers.

I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

And also that there are just tons of single 60+ year old women with a pension and >$2mil net worth roaming in public. That has to be what like, .01% of the female population in the DMV?

Just go to these gyms - OneFitness, Equinox, or Kennedy Center. You’ll see what I am talking about. Of course it’s not all single 50-60s women but a good 10% of total professional female population in that age group. Just like single men. These are usually wealthy widows, divorcees, doctors, lawyers, retirees who bought houses in 1980-1990s in DC, on good federal or IMF/WB pension plans which were insane back in days. Lots of wealthy women in dmv area living in townhouses, nice houses in CC etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband is rich now but he wasn’t always so. However, he has always treated me with love, respect, patience, devotion, etc.

There are good men out there. You just have to have a good picker and lock a good one down early.

[Anonymous]

I guess the question is, if marriage is so terrible, why do so many women get married or want to get married?

Even on this forum women talk about men "wasting" women's time if they haven't proposed after a year or two. Sounds like the guy is doing her a favor if he doesn't want to get married--at least according to this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, if marriage is so terrible, why do so many women get married or want to get married?

Even on this forum women talk about men "wasting" women's time if they haven't proposed after a year or two. Sounds like the guy is doing her a favor if he doesn't want to get married--at least according to this thread.

Romanticism.

[Anonymous]

My hometown newspaper publishes engagement announcements for people who grew up there and/or who live there now. It definitely skews younger than here—most of the spouses-to-be are about 26-28. It is definitely seen as an accomplishment there for your engagement announcement to be published for all to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, if marriage is so terrible, why do so many women get married or want to get married?

Even on this forum women talk about men "wasting" women's time if they haven't proposed after a year or two. Sounds like the guy is doing her a favor if he doesn't want to get married--at least according to this thread.

Romanticism.

Really? Millions, billions if we're talking worldwide, of women get caught up in a romantic fantasy when marriage is such a bad deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very dc centric

Sure dc girl bosses it makes sense to have this attitude

But out In flyover country there is a massive difference in QoL between singles and married couples, esp for women

I lived in the Midwest. I earned a doctorate from a R1 university. I owned my own home before I was 35. My quality of life as a single working woman was great there.

Yeah doctorates from R1 universities are totally the norm in "flyover" country (or anywhere for that matter). The average Joe or Jane or even college student for that matter doesn't even know what a R1 is.

If anything, you're proving the PP's point. Only a very high educated woman, a Ph.D., would feel being single is fine.

[Anonymous]

I’m tired of the second shift. I like working but I’m exhausted when I come home and dinner isn’t planned, the house is a wreck, and nothing’s been done all day. My husband doesn’t grocery shop, prep food, do laundry, tidy, or do anything other than keep our toddler alive when he’s home with him. He is absolutely shocked when I’m upset and unhappy when I come home at 5pm and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. This is why I won’t work after our second. I’d rather be bored at home than chronically stressed and worn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of the second shift. I like working but I’m exhausted when I come home and dinner isn’t planned, the house is a wreck, and nothing’s been done all day. My husband doesn’t grocery shop, prep food, do laundry, tidy, or do anything other than keep our toddler alive when he’s home with him. He is absolutely shocked when I’m upset and unhappy when I come home at 5pm and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. This is why I won’t work after our second. I’d rather be bored at home than chronically stressed and worn out.

Your husband does nothing around the house and the bare minimum for your child, so you’ll give up your financial independence and have a second kid with him? Sorry, that doesn’t make much sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of the second shift. I like working but I’m exhausted when I come home and dinner isn’t planned, the house is a wreck, and nothing’s been done all day. My husband doesn’t grocery shop, prep food, do laundry, tidy, or do anything other than keep our toddler alive when he’s home with him. He is absolutely shocked when I’m upset and unhappy when I come home at 5pm and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. This is why I won’t work after our second. I’d rather be bored at home than chronically stressed and worn out.

Your husband does nothing around the house and the bare minimum for your child, so you’ll give up your financial independence and have a second kid with him? Sorry, that doesn’t make much sense to me.

He makes more money than I do but is useless at home. I want a sibling for my son, so I’ll stay home while they’re small. What good is my financial independence if all I have time for is work and cleaning? Because of our work hours, it also falls to me to do all pickups/drop offs and I can’t imagine making it work every morning with an infant and a toddler.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women make more hours to make the same salaries as men. With same skill set. This is already proved to be true in the US and confirmed by multiple research. Thus, if she’s earning less plus also has to pull off all the household work she ends up doing 2 work shifts vs husband . Until men and women are absolutely equalized on corporate ladder there may be no equality in marriage.

Not sure how it’s even hard to understand!

Precisely.

The people who don't understand are SAHMs who have no idea how hard it is to work AND be the primary parent. They have a cushy existence compared to most WOHMs.

I’m a single dad who works and is the primary parent and the alleged difficulty of this is vastly exaggerated.

Because you probably suck as a dad compared to what single/working moms are doing. Sorry.

Signed,

SAHM with a cushy existence

I dated single dads with 2-3 kids who are actual, involved parents. They literally never have time for themselves or serious dating !

Right. They were better dads than the PP who thinks that moms are vastly exaggerating how hard it is to work full-time and be the primary parent.

Or maybe he's just a harder worker and not as used to complaining. Or maybe he doesn't see parenting as a hassle. Or maybe he's more efficient at accomplishing what needs to be done at work and home. Or maybe he doesn't spend a lot of time shopping for leggings and watching Tik Tok dances while "working" at his cushy middle management fed job.

Hmm, no, I think it's that he isn't as good of a dad as women who report their experience with the well-documented phenomenon of the difficulties of being a primary parent while working full-time.

“Well documented” = women who complained a lot on DCUM lol.

Google is free, you know.

https://fortune.com/2021/06/25/women-men-unpaid-child-care-pandemic-gender-equality-workforce/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/10/01/women-more-than-men-adjust-their-careers-for-family-life/

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/women-do-extra-hour-a-day-of-chores-childcare-than-men-20221007-p5bnzv.html

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/menenjoyfivehoursmoreleisuretimeperweekthanwomen/2018-01-09

Seriously I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics people are doing that leads them to believe that there is not an overall gender imbalance in domestic labor in dual-income households.

The internet is full of lies, you know. Including dishonest, politically motivated “studies”.

No, sorry. Nice try though.

Hilarious that you think that stamping your foot and yelling “it is, too!” is a compelling response.

Hilarious that your reading comprehension stopped before second grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a providing spouse, and I will raise the littles. No $2000/month daycare needed. I will clean, cook, grocery shop, bathe the children and tend to them. This is how I was raised, and it works beautifully.

And this is why we are in the position we are. Women like this who perpetuate this standard.

“This standard” works.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

Sure, but you can get laid off. Is a 52 year old woman really having that great of sex with men she meets? Probably not.

A 52 year old single woman might not have as great of a future as she thinks. There’s ageism in the workplace and facing health problems alone. I can’t imagine being 50 and dating.

I’m going to face ageism in the workplace but I have a husband to rely on.

What makes you think there isn’t ageism in marriages? A 52 yo woman can get “laid off” from her marriage too.

And yea btw a 52 yo woman can have great sex. Many aren’t even menopausal yet.

Of course. The point is I wouldn’t count on the sex and career to continue being the same.

I can see how being 40 and single would be great. Still climbing career wise and plenty of men to sleep with. But 50s and older? No thanks. The security and companionship from a semi-decent marriage is way better than being a single 55 year old woman.

With higher than $2mm NW and a good pension fund an unmarried 55 yo woman would do great comparing to a married 55 yo in a miserable marriage and older scolding husband. I see these women in their 60s all over dmv working out in expensive gyms, going on cruises, visiting museums and cultural events. My mother is one of these women and now at 70 she’s way happier than her married peers.

I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

And also that there are just tons of single 60+ year old women with a pension and >$2mil net worth roaming in public. That has to be what like, .01% of the female population in the DMV?

Just go to these gyms - OneFitness, Equinox, or Kennedy Center. You’ll see what I am talking about. Of course it’s not all single 50-60s women but a good 10% of total professional female population in that age group. Just like single men. These are usually wealthy widows, divorcees, doctors, lawyers, retirees who bought houses in 1980-1990s in DC, on good federal or IMF/WB pension plans which were insane back in days. Lots of wealthy women in dmv area living in townhouses, nice houses in CC etc.

The only 50-something I ever see in the gym is - me, in the mirror.