Marriage is a horrible deal for women

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC area and most women with kids, especially young ones, stay home. My college friends “married well” and seem pretty happy. At least as happy as the women working two shifts. They are married to men who make more money than they could in the workforce. The husbands wanted kids and are content with family life. The women enjoy doing all of the planning, driving kids around etc. Seems like a good deal for both parties.

I’m convinced most people in this area are so stressed, unhappy and don’t have any fun because of more families being dual income. It’s all work and no fun.

Agree with everyone that it’s terrible for women if you’re working AND doing everything at home.

I can assure you… your umc friends are eating poop in their marriage.

We all have to eat poop somewhere.

As a PP mentioned if it’s not in the marriage then it’s in the job. And there are social and financial implications for either choice that place additional stress and anxiety that manifests in different ways. I think it offers an opportunity, though, for women to self-actualise. At least it has for me.

If it’s at your job at least you don’t have to go to bed with them.

Sure, but you can get laid off. Is a 52 year old woman really having that great of sex with men she meets? Probably not.

A 52 year old single woman might not have as great of a future as she thinks. There’s ageism in the workplace and facing health problems alone. I can’t imagine being 50 and dating.

I’m going to face ageism in the workplace but I have a husband to rely on.

What makes you think there isn’t ageism in marriages? A 52 yo woman can get “laid off” from her marriage too.

And yea btw a 52 yo woman can have great sex. Many aren’t even menopausal yet.

Of course. The point is I wouldn’t count on the sex and career to continue being the same.

I can see how being 40 and single would be great. Still climbing career wise and plenty of men to sleep with. But 50s and older? No thanks. The security and companionship from a semi-decent marriage is way better than being a single 55 year old woman.

With higher than $2mm NW and a good pension fund an unmarried 55 yo woman would do great comparing to a married 55 yo in a miserable marriage and older scolding husband. I see these women in their 60s all over dmv working out in expensive gyms, going on cruises, visiting museums and cultural events. My mother is one of these women and now at 70 she’s way happier than her married peers.

I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

And also that there are just tons of single 60+ year old women with a pension and >$2mil net worth roaming in public. That has to be what like, .01% of the female population in the DMV?

Just go to these gyms - OneFitness, Equinox, or Kennedy Center. You’ll see what I am talking about. Of course it’s not all single 50-60s women but a good 10% of total professional female population in that age group. Just like single men. These are usually wealthy widows, divorcees, doctors, lawyers, retirees who bought houses in 1980-1990s in DC, on good federal or IMF/WB pension plans which were insane back in days. Lots of wealthy women in dmv area living in townhouses, nice houses in CC etc.

The only 50-something I ever see in the gym is - me, in the mirror.

Maybe they just don/t look like they are 50

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of the second shift. I like working but I’m exhausted when I come home and dinner isn’t planned, the house is a wreck, and nothing’s been done all day. My husband doesn’t grocery shop, prep food, do laundry, tidy, or do anything other than keep our toddler alive when he’s home with him. He is absolutely shocked when I’m upset and unhappy when I come home at 5pm and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. This is why I won’t work after our second. I’d rather be bored at home than chronically stressed and worn out.

Your husband does nothing around the house and the bare minimum for your child, so you’ll give up your financial independence and have a second kid with him? Sorry, that doesn’t make much sense to me.

He makes more money than I do but is useless at home. I want a sibling for my son, so I’ll stay home while they’re small. What good is my financial independence if all I have time for is work and cleaning? Because of our work hours, it also falls to me to do all pickups/drop offs and I can’t imagine making it work every morning with an infant and a toddler.

Wow. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

To all of these women who say that they knew how to pick a good husband who won’t cheat or divorce and be a good busband over time, is there a test that is developed to gauge the men early on? Divorce rates are high and so this test would be valuable knowledge to be able to pass on to others so that they can determine whether to be a SAHM or not. Otherwise I don’t see how losing your financial independence is the right move.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of the second shift. I like working but I’m exhausted when I come home and dinner isn’t planned, the house is a wreck, and nothing’s been done all day. My husband doesn’t grocery shop, prep food, do laundry, tidy, or do anything other than keep our toddler alive when he’s home with him. He is absolutely shocked when I’m upset and unhappy when I come home at 5pm and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. This is why I won’t work after our second. I’d rather be bored at home than chronically stressed and worn out.

Your husband does nothing around the house and the bare minimum for your child, so you’ll give up your financial independence and have a second kid with him? Sorry, that doesn’t make much sense to me.

He makes more money than I do but is useless at home. I want a sibling for my son, so I’ll stay home while they’re small. What good is my financial independence if all I have time for is work and cleaning? Because of our work hours, it also falls to me to do all pickups/drop offs and I can’t imagine making it work every morning with an infant and a toddler.

Just be careful - he is pushing you into quitting work because of his refusal to help around the house. I was in that exact situation including the drop-off and pick-up for the kids. Honestly staying home did make life easier, but I wish I had pushed back to make things more fair, because I’m still dealing with the unequal workload after going back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all of these women who say that they knew how to pick a good husband who won’t cheat or divorce and be a good busband over time, is there a test that is developed to gauge the men early on? Divorce rates are high and so this test would be valuable knowledge to be able to pass on to others so that they can determine whether to be a SAHM or not. Otherwise I don’t see how losing your financial independence is the right move.

Divorce rates are not high for college educated people.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Give me a providing spouse, and I will raise the littles. No $2000/month daycare needed. I will clean, cook, grocery shop, bathe the children and tend to them. This is how I was raised, and it works beautifully.

And this is why we are in the position we are. Women like this who perpetuate this standard.

“This standard” works.

Nope.

It does. It’s worked for a long time. Now women got exactly what they wanted—-and are utterly miserable.

[Anonymous]

This thread is silly - only men are to blame? Not your bad choices as a woman? Your inability to communicate and build strong healthy relationships? So you made a bad choice with one guy (see PP above) and now all men suck?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:To all of these women who say that they knew how to pick a good husband who won’t cheat or divorce and be a good busband over time, is there a test that is developed to gauge the men early on? Divorce rates are high and so this test would be valuable knowledge to be able to pass on to others so that they can determine whether to be a SAHM or not. Otherwise I don’t see how losing your financial independence is the right move.

Divorce rates are not high for college educated people.

If 30% is not high, I don't know what to tell you. Zero incentives for a woman not to work unless husband is really reach and guarantees her retirement, basically

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:To all of these women who say that they knew how to pick a good husband who won’t cheat or divorce and be a good busband over time, is there a test that is developed to gauge the men early on? Divorce rates are high and so this test would be valuable knowledge to be able to pass on to others so that they can determine whether to be a SAHM or not. Otherwise I don’t see how losing your financial independence is the right move.

Divorce rates are not high for college educated people.

If 30% is not high, I don't know what to tell you. Zero incentives for a woman not to work unless husband is really reach and guarantees her retirement, basically

It’s not 30% for white UMC women with college degrees who married for the first time after the age of 27 and has kids in her 30s. It’s incredibly low if you have graduate degrees.

I grew up in an affluent area and I’d estimate the divorce rate was maybe 5%. I’m now in my 40s with kids and the only people I know who got divorced married young out of college and got divorced before having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is silly - only men are to blame? Not your bad choices as a woman? Your inability to communicate and build strong healthy relationships? So you made a bad choice with one guy (see PP above) and now all men suck?

Men could very well be to blame. Who should we blame for all of the violence committed by men? Perhaps the gender is simply inferior. Not only can men not give birth but they start almost all wars and are responsible for almost all violent crime. It’s not a stretch to say they are at fault for these terrible marriages you read about. Men seem to have emotional problems.

[Anonymous]

You just said the quiet part out loud...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the country club world very few women are gainfully employed. They mostly spend their time spending their husband's money and gossiping on the tennis court...what a rough life. And they are entitled to 1/2 the assets + alimony. Horrible system. No wealthy man should ever get married. Just have kids with your girlfriend.

Why would any woman in their right mind sign up to be a free brood mare for some man who refuses to marry her? Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth there would be no benefit for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Average marriage is a bad deal. Women shouldn’t settle for average and, increasingly, aren’t.

It is only worth it if your partner is going to take on the responsibility of replacing your income for all of the childbearing/mommy tracking (or you marry early enough that you are in a position to delay kids until you’ve got enough seniority not to be mommy-tracked) AND your partner is going to take on 50%+ of the work at home AND your partner is someone you genuinely enjoy being around AND your partner is going to be a good parent. That’s just frankly not nearly lost men.

You are much better off if financially capable to have children of your own when you are ready, using designer sperm to whatever standards you want, having full custody and no man to answer to, and then avail yourself of all the readily available men for sex alone.

— Married to one of the extraordinary men, realize how rare it is.

Completely agree. A benefit to this is you get super sperm. Only 3% of sperm actually makes it past the vetting process at sperm banks, and usually they vet for height, genetic disorders, etc

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My husband is not rich. He makes 200k a year.

He cooks, cleans, reads to the children every night and prays with them every night, takes children to sports practice every day, organizes their schedules and doctors' appointments, helps them with their laundry, buys them birthday gifts etc.

We have great sex too.

Marriage is a great deal for me.

And I would love to have a husband like that but that’s very rare. Most of these 200k guys are self-absorbed, just as controlling and dominant as wealthy men, think they are entitled to focus on their hobbies after regular work hours while their wife/partner is running around with kids&maintaining the household. Marriage is 2 shifts for most women !

None of my friends are married to the self absorbed type of guy you describe. Maybe you should strive to meet better people

Most marriages in my cicle fall apart when both spouses hit 40s. I only know one happy marriage where both spouses worked, maintained a lot of house staff including driviers. They recently retired abroad getting a property there. Everyone else appear miserable and wives raise their voice at husbands publicily, complaining at the same things.

I am divorced, and after attending a party at my former neighborhood with my new BF the wives are now all interested in hanging out with me. And their 50+ husbands look fat and ugly.

+1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's the motherhood that's a raw deal.

+1. This is the reality. Society and biology make us blame the man vs. the children.

Children tend to s..t a lot, scream, get sick and run a lot. That is normal to expect when you plan for kids. Women also expect men to engage mitigating all these things when kids are born equally.

If men were running after kdis, picking up the vomit, took them to doctors and after school activities just like moms do, working wives wouldn't be exhausted and marriages would be happier. It's the men, not the children!

Pffft nah I did (and still do) all that kid stuff and DW still moans and complains. Perpetual dissatisfaction is the nature of the female. After all, originally we lived in a literal paradise created by God Himself…. and still the woman wasn’t satisfied.

Gee, can't imagine why she wouldnt be happy with you when you sound like such a peach.