How to Co-Parent with Ex

[Anonymous]

Any words of wisdom on how to co-parent with an ex husband that doesn't respect anything I say and I generally don't like to see?

I moved again and my ex has zero respect on how the change has affected my daughter. We've only been our new place for a month and we are still getting settled. But my ex say - big deal, you moved 3 blocks. He doesn't have a clue on how the upheaval is to a 6 year old. Her therapist says we need to co-parent but how I do co-parent with a person like that?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, try to minimize arguments with him and do the best you can when you have your daughter. There is NOTHING you can do to make him see things your way.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you moved "again"? It sounds like you have custody of a child and are the one responsible for the upheaval "again" - perhaps you need to start making better choices.

[Anonymous]

moving three blocks is pretty low on the scale of stress related moves

try moving states or countries

at least your kid doesnt have to make any new friends or go to a new school

yep, there are boxes and whatever to deal with - really - its not that big of a deal

[Anonymous]

Ha - not when I moved all myself and I moved out the first time in June 2012. I had no choice but to move again due to circumstances. There has been a lot of change for me and my daughter in the last year and a half and moving again brought up a lot of emotion from moving out the first time. Yeah, lots of boxes etc etc etc but its finally sunk in to my daughter that we are not getting back together and she's really upset about it. That bastard couldn't help himself but to introduce his "friend" over the holidays, told my girl not to say anything to me about it and then she did, I cried, she thought it was her fault and then thought her dad was going to be really mad at her for saying anything. She still feels ashamed. Gonna take a lot to fix that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha - not when I moved all myself and I moved out the first time in June 2012. I had no choice but to move again due to circumstances. There has been a lot of change for me and my daughter in the last year and a half and moving again brought up a lot of emotion from moving out the first time. Yeah, lots of boxes etc etc etc but its finally sunk in to my daughter that we are not getting back together and she's really upset about it. That bastard couldn't help himself but to introduce his "friend" over the holidays, told my girl not to say anything to me about it and then she did, I cried, she thought it was her fault and then thought her dad was going to be really mad at her for saying anything. She still feels ashamed. Gonna take a lot to fix that one.

its been a year and half and he can't have a girlfriend without being called a bastard?

[Anonymous]

He's a bastard for not manning up to tell me himself, he goes through his kid. Fucked up parenting in my book. I don't care that he has a girlfriend, but there is no reason to involve my daughter at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a bastard for not manning up to tell me himself, he goes through his kid. Fucked up parenting in my book. I don't care that he has a girlfriend, but there is no reason to involve my daughter at this point.

a) he owes nothing to you in terms of communication regarding his dating
b) its been 18 months, he can have a girlfriend meet his daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha - not when I moved all myself and I moved out the first time in June 2012. I had no choice but to move again due to circumstances. There has been a lot of change for me and my daughter in the last year and a half and moving again brought up a lot of emotion from moving out the first time. Yeah, lots of boxes etc etc etc but its finally sunk in to my daughter that we are not getting back together and she's really upset about it. That bastard couldn't help himself but to introduce his "friend" over the holidays, told my girl not to say anything to me about it and then she did, I cried, she thought it was her fault and then thought her dad was going to be really mad at her for saying anything. She still feels ashamed. Gonna take a lot to fix that one.

its been a year and half and he can't have a girlfriend without being called a bastard?

Sounds like a bastard who broke up his family, introduced a SIX year old to a girlfriend over the holidays, and then coached her to be dishonest with her mom. Yeah, bastard sounds about right.

[Anonymous]

Exactly!!! So how do I co-parent with someone like this?? He thinks he did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha - not when I moved all myself and I moved out the first time in June 2012. I had no choice but to move again due to circumstances. There has been a lot of change for me and my daughter in the last year and a half and moving again brought up a lot of emotion from moving out the first time. Yeah, lots of boxes etc etc etc but its finally sunk in to my daughter that we are not getting back together and she's really upset about it. That bastard couldn't help himself but to introduce his "friend" over the holidays, told my girl not to say anything to me about it and then she did, I cried, she thought it was her fault and then thought her dad was going to be really mad at her for saying anything. She still feels ashamed. Gonna take a lot to fix that one.

you didn't handle this very well did you?

[Anonymous]

He can have a girlfriend but he shouldn't tell his daughter not to tell me. Now she thinks its ok to lie to me. Fucked up! He knew it was going to upset me, told my daughter that and said don't say anything to me and to keep it a secret. Yes its been 18 months. He can fuck anyone he wants. But he needs to leave his daughter out of getting me any kind of communication about it. Especially the first one to come around.

[Anonymous]

The ex didn't handle it well, not in the least. OP, he is not going to change. If he can't get the stress of a move, and asks your daughter to keep secrets, and introduces someone even though it's a stressful time, plus the holidays, that's not going to change. Find a therapist who can guide you, someone with whom you can vent. It's really tough. (I have a complicated ex.)

[Anonymous]

No of course I didn't. I asked him specially not to bring the girl around, he did anyway and told my kid to keep it a secret. He should have told me what he was going to do that I could process my emotions away from my daughter. That's my point, he should have manned up and told me. But the man can't communicate at all and its a big reason why I moved out. So the point is, how do I co-parent with an ass? That's my question. Not how I handled it.

I really am looking for advice. Not snarky comments on what happened.. I'm moving forward from that and figuring out how to make sure that she doesn't feel ashamed and comfortable to tell me anything. His actions really had a big affect on her. Mind did to, of course

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No of course I didn't. I asked him specially not to bring the girl around, he did anyway and told my kid to keep it a secret. He should have told me what he was going to do that I could process my emotions away from my daughter. That's my point, he should have manned up and told me. But the man can't communicate at all and its a big reason why I moved out. So the point is, how do I co-parent with an ass? That's my question. Not how I handled it.

I really am looking for advice. Not snarky comments on what happened.. I'm moving forward from that and figuring out how to make sure that she doesn't feel ashamed and comfortable to tell me anything. His actions really had a big affect on her. Mind did to, of course

the way she wont feel ashamed is by you being cool

its your reaction she was afraid of

it was your reaction he was afraid of

everyone is afraid of your reaction

if everyone that you'd be OK with your ex having a gf and doing as he sees fit - then none of this would have happened

and then you verified it by breaking down and crying in front of your daughter