How long can you go without sexual intimacy as a couple?

[Anonymous]

And still find your way back to a satisfying relationship? We didn't really ever have sex when I was pregnant. He still hasn't tried out my broken, post-pregnancy body. Our baby is 10 months. I weigh less than before I conceived. Please try not to be mean in your response please.

[Anonymous]

Well you say broken body, what do you mean? Have you initiated? Do you think he's afraid to try? What was the reason you didn't have sex when you were pregnant?

Can't give you advice on how long as it is SO couple specific. Some would have an issue if it went more than a week, some are perfectly fine for years. But answering those questions may give people insight to what might be going on.

[Anonymous]

We have sex about every 4 months, give or take. Been married 22 years. I would like it more often, but the rest of the relationship is good.

[Anonymous]

What is the issue?

Did you want to have sex all along and he didn't?

Did you stop wanting to have sex at some point and it just never resumed? Did he?

Why do you refer to your body as broken? Do you have body image issues?

How is your relationship otherwise? How was the sex before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sex about every 4 months, give or take. Been married 22 years. I would like it more often, but the rest of the relationship is good.

Thank you. This is reassuring to hear. What I mean by broken is kind of literally broken. I still pee when I sneeze sometimes. Have little clue how different it is down there. My boobs will never be the same. I try to cuddle but he has never been very into it. I don't think I have ever turned down any reasonable attempt at physical intimacy. I still love him and guess he feels the same. Just worry we are getting into dangerous territory.

[Anonymous]

couple years after baby was born. we are back to doing it like bunnies again

[Anonymous]

OP, have you sat down with him and actually said the words OUT LOUD:
"Honey, I notice that we have not had sex since Larla was born 10 months ago. You haven't initiated and have turned away my attempts to be intimate. I want to have sex with you. What's going on? What do you think about this? "

Or are you just sitting there hoping he can read your mind?

[Anonymous]

OP, your body is not broken. You now have the body of a woman who had a child. As Mammy said to Scarlett in Gone With the Wind, "Miss Scarlett, you done had a baby and you ain't never gonna have no 17-inch waist again."

Your body issues are fairly routine. If you want to stop the urination/sneezing issue, which is quite common, do more kegels. Your vagina is still your vagina. Your boobs have nourished a child. Stop comparing yourself with centerfolds.

Every single mother has a mom's body. None of us are "broken."

[Anonymous]

Have a talk with your husband OP.

[Anonymous]

Kegels OP, it will help with the pee. If its really and, you can get PT for it. It's very common in Northern Europe. Nothing to be ashamed of at all.

[Anonymous]

I get you. My baby is 9 months and we rarely are intimate anymore. Mostly because we're tired and just want to sleep. It's not your body at all. He still finds you sexy. Once you start believing that you are sexy too, will be a turn-on for you both.

[Anonymous]

These responses are shocking! I was opening this and thinking people would say something like 3 weeks to a month MAX. A couple of years?? Or a couple of months?? I would no longer even consider that a marriage. I think this is all fine as long as both partners are on the same page, but if one partner is sexual, then it would not be unreasonable to find said partner finding sexual intimacy elsewhere.

For my husband and I, I would say our outer limits are 3 weeks for me and 2 weeks for him. He was crawling the walls the 6 weeks after I had each of my children. Sex for me felt a bit strange until after I was done nursing.

I think as long as both people are on board you can be celibate, but if one person has sexual desires then you have a major problem in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that after 15 years of marriage, it goes in phases.

My husband has had random medical issues over the years and between the issue and the surgery/recovery it was a good 6 months. Ditto for my pregnancies. But then there will be other times where it is 3 times a week.

Take it slow, have lots of lube if you had a vaginal birth and any tears. And yes, talk to him, be explicit.

[Anonymous]

It's really tanked for us, but after lots of discussion on the topic, I think we're both OK with it for now. I was thinking it was just me, but it turns out it's my husband too. We have so much on our plate, him more than me because he's getting his master's on top of work, etc. So I'll go to bed, and he'll follow a hour or two later. Even on the weekends. So it's just a crappy place for us in that regard, but I fully expect it to rebound, just now right now.

[Anonymous]

It goes in phases but once a week is a minimum. We have gone up to a month a few times since the baby was born, but that was really way too long.