DH called our nanny hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Do you honestly not know any men? It’s what they do and when together they talk about it. Heck women do to. Do you not do this with your friends? “Wow! That barista has hot.” Does that mean the next time you go there you slip him your phone number or a hotel room key? Of course not. Also, we women are pretty bad about objectifying the looks of other women and making some pretty horrible comments about each other. OPs husband made a innocent comment, that’s it. Everyone needs to get a grip!

The harpies in here are so insecure, they are all afraid of what men might do. It's not that they don't know men, they just want to be in denial that their DH is actually like other men. All other men.

I don’t do that. My friends and I would never sit around with my friends and talk about how my pool boy is hot. And if I did and it got back to my hisband I would feel chagrined about it. But I get that not everybody has my same values.

And I’m not insecure about my body, but I think we need to be kinder to those who are insecure. A lot of people are talking about how people need to be careful about hiring a nanny hotter than you are, so it’s clear that people consider the position OP is in precarious. Why wouldn’t somebody who is hearing that kind of thing feel a little insecure? Life is really unkind to aging women and we shouldn’t expect all women to be perfectly secure.

Ha! "Values". Like you are some moral paragon. Lots of women talk about the pool boy, the plumber, the delivery guy. It happens on DCUM all the time! And it is ok. And if you are chagrined, you and/or your husband need to get over it.

Ha. You are a classic example of someone trying to rationalize your bad behavior. Stop trying to pretend you are not a jerk for talking about people this way. You are. You have no idea about the virtue of the person you are responding to.

how many of you pearl clutchers have posted on or enjoyed the infamous thread...I'd hit that Thursday

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/160811.page

[Anonymous]

ewwww

[Anonymous]

OP I think its perfectly ok to let your husband know that this comment got back to you. Tell him it made you feel kinda ick. I have not read all the comments, but I think its wrong to pretend you arent vulnerable. If DH is your best friend, you should be able to say that something said like its a secret makes it feel like there is a metamessage. Tell him you are getting older and no matter how intact your self esteem is, it stings to hear him find a younger woman attractive, even if she is, because its a reminder that you cant always be young and attractive.

Don't make him feel like he is a terrible person for making an offhand command that in fact may have meant NOTHING to _him_. (This is a very real possibility)

However, he is a grown man and should be ok learning about what its like to be you in an awkward vulnerable moment where you wish you could brush it off. And he as your life partner should take that into consideration. Also maybe he wouldnt love it so much if you talked about some guy being hot and it got back to HIM. On the other hand, its very possible he would NOT care. Either way, here is a chance to learn about his ability to empathize, and its a chance for you to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just remember this thread in a few years when you’re “blindsided” by your husband’s affair, cool ladies of DCUM... sorry you were too dorky to get all the sexual innuendo talk with your girlfriends out of your systems in high school, like normal people.

So awesome that you were cool in high school!!!

[Anonymous]

Wow, that’s totally inappropriate of your DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think its perfectly ok to let your husband know that this comment got back to you. Tell him it made you feel kinda ick. I have not read all the comments, but I think its wrong to pretend you arent vulnerable. If DH is your best friend, you should be able to say that something said like its a secret makes it feel like there is a metamessage. Tell him you are getting older and no matter how intact your self esteem is, it stings to hear him find a younger woman attractive, even if she is, because its a reminder that you cant always be young and attractive.

Don't make him feel like he is a terrible person for making an offhand command that in fact may have meant NOTHING to _him_. (This is a very real possibility)

However, he is a grown man and should be ok learning about what its like to be you in an awkward vulnerable moment where you wish you could brush it off. And he as your life partner should take that into consideration. Also maybe he wouldnt love it so much if you talked about some guy being hot and it got back to HIM. On the other hand, its very possible he would NOT care. Either way, here is a chance to learn about his ability to empathize, and its a chance for you to do the same.

This is the funniest comment I’ve seen in days. Thank you for sharing! If true, the anxious insecurity of so many displayed on this and similar threads, leads me to really pity you all. But don’t worry it’s not the pity that comes with compassion (which you crave, but I reserve for those truly suffering), just bewilderment.

[Anonymous]

The young attractive nanny doesn't think your husband is hot. She thinks he's old and gross. She might even think he's a creeper. Do you feel better now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think its perfectly ok to let your husband know that this comment got back to you. Tell him it made you feel kinda ick. I have not read all the comments, but I think its wrong to pretend you arent vulnerable. If DH is your best friend, you should be able to say that something said like its a secret makes it feel like there is a metamessage. Tell him you are getting older and no matter how intact your self esteem is, it stings to hear him find a younger woman attractive, even if she is, because its a reminder that you cant always be young and attractive.

Don't make him feel like he is a terrible person for making an offhand command that in fact may have meant NOTHING to _him_. (This is a very real possibility)

However, he is a grown man and should be ok learning about what its like to be you in an awkward vulnerable moment where you wish you could brush it off. And he as your life partner should take that into consideration. Also maybe he wouldnt love it so much if you talked about some guy being hot and it got back to HIM. On the other hand, its very possible he would NOT care. Either way, here is a chance to learn about his ability to empathize, and its a chance for you to do the same.

This is the funniest comment I’ve seen in days. Thank you for sharing! If true, the anxious insecurity of so many displayed on this and similar threads, leads me to really pity you all. But don’t worry it’s not the pity that comes with compassion (which you crave, but I reserve for those truly suffering), just bewilderment.

+1. This comment is jut so earnestly ridiculous (metamessage? WTF?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

I'm glad you said "PC" because now we can easily write off anything you say as stupidity. It's not about being politically correct. It is about being a decent human being and not firing the nanny because your husband might have mentioned to the neighbor's wife that the nanny is good looking. But usually people who use the word "PC" are selfish conservative types, so maybe concern for others isn't your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

Or the H could eliminate the opportunity for cheating by divorcing a wife who always suspects he’s up to no good and deserves zero of her trust. After it’s finalized he’s then free to pursue who he wants without cheating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the comments but am chiming as a 36 year old mother of 4 with a objectively hot, dancer/actress nanny who is late twenties and a very sexual husband.

She is a great nanny to our kids and they love her. I’m sure my husband looks at her amazing butt from time to time, but I trust him 100% and wouldn’t have had all these kids with him or hiring a younger hot nanny if I didn’t trust him.

Also, if the tables were turned it would be totally normal for my besties and I to mention the hot lawn guy or pool boy or whatever to each other. I don’t see the issue in this as long as there is no action or much disrespectful talk. We are humans, we have eyes!

Just my opinion but I am confident in my sex life and my intuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

Well said.

What if OP had a hot sister? Do you eliminate the sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

Exactly this. Eliminate the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Clearly DH has already noticed nanny, commented on her and mulled over her attractiveness. It's a human reaction. Relationship 101 is not putting yourself in situations where conflict can occur. Nobody is perfect so do your best to put your marriage on the best path. And yes, a household employee is completely different from an office employee. It is a significantly more intimate relationship working in someone's home. Why are we too PC to understand that?

Or the H could eliminate the opportunity for cheating by divorcing a wife who always suspects he’s up to no good and deserves zero of her trust. After it’s finalized he’s then free to pursue who he wants without cheating!

It’s gonna happen. OP is painfully insecure.