Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sacrificed material things to be a SAHM. I wanted to raise my kids myself instead of paying strangers to do my job. It was worth it.

Here's your medal! Best mom ever!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sacrificed material things to be a SAHM. I wanted to raise my kids myself instead of paying strangers to do my job. It was worth it.

I am sorry you got stuck in a situation where having a career meant you didn't have time to raise your own kids One perk of starting my career relatively early is that I had myself in a position where I could do both. If I had to be out of the house 12+ hours a day, it would be a tougher call. So lucky to be in a rewarding career that also lets me raise my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sacrificed material things to be a SAHM. I wanted to raise my kids myself instead of paying strangers to do my job. It was worth it.

I am sorry you got stuck in a situation where having a career meant you didn't have time to raise your own kids One perk of starting my career relatively early is that I had myself in a position where I could do both. If I had to be out of the house 12+ hours a day, it would be a tougher call. So lucky to be in a rewarding career that also lets me raise my kids!

Once the kids are older that is true. But when they are little, the raising is every waking moment. It is all the interactions, the responses, the reactions, the reinforcing, the teachable moments, the being there that shapes who they are. In those first few early years, their brains are sponges, taking in every single thing going on in their environment and teaching them how to think, feel, act, react, respond. It is the foundation of their character and their integrity. It is in those early years when they learn moment by moment how to treat others and how to respond to how others treat them. Learned behavior is entrenched in those first few years and it is happening all day every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sacrificed material things to be a SAHM. I wanted to raise my kids myself instead of paying strangers to do my job. It was worth it.

I am sorry you got stuck in a situation where having a career meant you didn't have time to raise your own kids One perk of starting my career relatively early is that I had myself in a position where I could do both. If I had to be out of the house 12+ hours a day, it would be a tougher call. So lucky to be in a rewarding career that also lets me raise my kids!

Once the kids are older that is true. But when they are little, the raising is every waking moment. It is all the interactions, the responses, the reactions, the reinforcing, the teachable moments, the being there that shapes who they are. In those first few early years, their brains are sponges, taking in every single thing going on in their environment and teaching them how to think, feel, act, react, respond. It is the foundation of their character and their integrity. It is in those early years when they learn moment by moment how to treat others and how to respond to how others treat them. Learned behavior is entrenched in those first few years and it is happening all day every day.

I still managed to raise my kids through infant/toddlerhood even though I worked outside the home. Again, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you - but it sounds like you did what was best for your family, so that's great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. what does your DH do that only pays 30k a year?

I'd like to know what to do to make more!
It would take me over two years to make 30k and I work 35 hrs a week. And it's physical work. Painful and exhausting.
Seven years total college, too.

Then my husband makes more than me and mostly stays home and answers a few emails and phone calls. Yet still bitches about his frustrating interactions. Poor thing. He made me start working. Shamed me into it for months. So quit school again and working. He's recently said that if he picked up one more client, it would more than cover what I make each month.

All I can think is "then do something g to attempt to get that client instead of talking about it and going on $30-$40k week or longer family vacations without your wife and son and I am stuck doing a six day workweek."

And now he's upset because he doesn't ant like that I seem so tired and annoyed when I get home.
I clean. Work. Laundry. Cook most nights.
And what? I'm supposed to be this pleasant, pretty wife who wants to do things to and with the husband she literally resents...?!?!?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. I make three times as much as him.

[Anonymous]

Not even a little bit. We could probably afford to have me SAH although it would be extremely difficult because my DH makes only around $50K. But even if someone could guarantee I could pick up my career five years from now exactly as I left it, I still would not leave the workforce. I like having an income and contributing financially to my family.

[Anonymous]

No. I resent him for being unemployed most if the time and neither looking for a job nor cooking/cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sacrificed material things to be a SAHM. I wanted to raise my kids myself instead of paying strangers to do my job. It was worth it.

I am sorry you got stuck in a situation where having a career meant you didn't have time to raise your own kids One perk of starting my career relatively early is that I had myself in a position where I could do both. If I had to be out of the house 12+ hours a day, it would be a tougher call. So lucky to be in a rewarding career that also lets me raise my kids!

Once the kids are older that is true. But when they are little, the raising is every waking moment. It is all the interactions, the responses, the reactions, the reinforcing, the teachable moments, the being there that shapes who they are. In those first few early years, their brains are sponges, taking in every single thing going on in their environment and teaching them how to think, feel, act, react, respond. It is the foundation of their character and their integrity. It is in those early years when they learn moment by moment how to treat others and how to respond to how others treat them. Learned behavior is entrenched in those first few years and it is happening all day every day.

This is exactly right. Which is why socialization, different learning tools and environments, and seeing mom inside and outside the home is so important. There's a big world outside the home. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Yes! My husband stays home and I work. I don't respect him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not even a little bit. We could probably afford to have me SAH although it would be extremely difficult because my DH makes only around $50K. But even if someone could guarantee I could pick up my career five years from now exactly as I left it, I still would not leave the workforce. I like having an income and contributing financially to my family.

I agree completely. A situation where one person makes all the money and the other person does all the house and kid stuff sounds terrible to me. My husband and I are equals and partners. Wouldn't have it any other way. I also find it extremely important for them to see our relationship like this - a great foundation for their future families.

[Anonymous]

Not at all!

[Anonymous]

It would have been tight the first few years but we could have done it. Now he makes significantly more and I could but don't want to. I make a great income and have good flexibility as does he.

[Anonymous]

No. I married him when we were both joutrnalists, and turned down another guy who was a neurosurgeon. I chose true love and happiness. Plus I have sn education and aspire to do more than be a housewife.

[Anonymous]

How can you be equal partners when the ones who get pregnant is only you and not him. I envy working mom who balance work and home, and also SAHM who supported the household. Respect to both of them.