Reply to Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.[/quote]

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness.  Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas.  My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas. [/quote]

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it. [/quote]

My spouse is a Unitarian Universalist minister for over 25 years. There are many atheists in the UU church and he has met and ministered to all types of people on their spiritual journey. He once said to me that some atheists end up being the "fundamentalists" of UUism because they are so inflexible. Your BIL sounds like one of them. Then I read this post from you.

This isn't about atheism or your BIL just being a PITA  (I've had a BIL who had been a PITA for nearly 40 years).  No cookies at a holiday gathering for a 3 year old?  Your BIL's a damn control freak!

Your sister has married him and things are not going to change any time soon.  Do as they asked about the gift - they are the parents and they have to deal with the consequences.  You should not upset any family gatherings or traditions to please them.  But here is my prediction:  this year or next year will be the last year that you will see them at the holidays due to his rigid approach.

You should invite them of course, but it is clear that they (he?) don't value a holiday gathering that everyone else enjoys.   Don't expect them to come.  Move forward with having fun together at this time without them and instead talk with your mother and siblings about having a family get together for a long weekend during the summer which removes the "Christmas" element out of this equation.  If you can tactfully leave it open, let your sister know that she can come visit with just your nephew if BIL can't make it.  I know it might be painful and sad in the short term since there is a lot of pressure to be "the whole family" at this time of year, but the holidays can be ruined by people like this. Hopefully your sister and your family will agree to find another time of the year for all of you to spend time together.

I see a big red flag here with the control issues.[/quote]

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