Anyone facing jealous friends now that your kids are in private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever since my kids were recently admitted to private schools, many friends in my W cluster have been making snippy comments about me sending my kids to private school. Has anyone else faced a similar situation?

Yep. You’re no longer on their “team” and they take it as a passive-aggressive action that you believe the public their kids are still in to be inferior. Of course we all know the public is inferior — and they know it too — but everyone has egos, everyone fakes like they don’t know, and everyone chooses what to spend their money on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

Had a close family friend like this who was SUPER aggressive and inquisitive about our private school decision. I thought she was being hostile. Not even 6 months later her son applied to my son’s private school! So in retrospect she wasn’t being mean, I think she was just frazzled and had been mulling the same decision we made a little sooner than her.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I've encountered the opposite -- families that are jealous that we aren't paying for private for 2 kids. Public is an amazing deal. Some of our friends have to spring for private due to special needs, like dyslexia.

I don't mean to be condescending but they are feigning jealousy. Also, I embellish my child's "issues" when talking to public school parents so they don't feel bad about not being able to afford private school. I'll say things like, "Wow, you are SO lucky that Little Larlo is so focused and can concentrate; my little Larly could NEVER do that!" I don't really mean any of it. Or I'll say, "I WISH I could put little Early in public but she just can't focus. It would save us so much money!" I don't mean any of it but I know it makes my public school friends feel better.

We do the same!!!

That's a really strange way to handle conversations no matter what one thinks of private, public, charter, homeschool, whatever. Very odd.

No, it’s not. It just helps us move the conversation along. Most private schools have better resources than public so everything, generally, is just . . . better. So to sit there and try and compare my experience and a public school parent’s experience will make it glaringly obvious that my kid is having a superior education experience. Note - I did not necessarily say better education - as that may be debatable. However the facilities, attention, trips, etc. are largely better than public.

It’s kind of like if we were to all fly to Hawaii and I flew first class but you flew coach. Sure, we would all get to our destination but my experience would be easier, more luxurious and more enjoyable. I wouldn’t get off of the plane and then ask you how your flight was. I already know, so let’s move on to another subject.

Not everyone cares about that stuff, though. People value different things in school, like some of the PP's said. There are legitimately people who could afford private and they choose not to go to it. So you don't have to be so protective about people's feelings just because they go to public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like OP and the Facebook PP lack emotional EQ. None of my friends are “jealous” because we don’t mention it. And when someone asks something about FCPS and we’re forced to admit we’re in private, we make it seem like it’s because DD does better in small class sizes. Which, she does, but the real reason is FCPS. I’m not going to say that though!

You don’t need to “mention it.” Literally everyone knows. Word spreads fast.

[Anonymous]

No, no one seems jealous. We have had a bunch of friends ask us about the admissions process and whether we like the school, saying they’re considering private for their kid.

We don’t bring it up, but naturally people ask where your kid goes to school. It’s pretty normal conversation among parents.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Depends on the school district. In Bethesda/Chevy Chase most of the kids going to private are special needs or come from snooty families. On the DC side of the border, it's people that want a good education for their kids without the fear of violence. No judgment. Families try to do what's best for their children. Certainly not jealous of families that choose private school

If you are wealthy why wouldn't you send your kids to private schools?

Is the money better spent on fancy German and Italian sports cars? If you have excess cash flow after savings, why not? I want to give my kids the best of everything. I still save and have a high net worth by even country club standards.

Because they're not better

Do you really think that some kid coming out of Landon is better prepared for college and life generally than next door Whitman? Or Walter Johnson? Or Churchill?

Do you think the families that send their kids to those schools don't value education? Or could afford private?

It's the difficult kids that are sent to private

The level of wealth at Bethesda private schools and the network kids get is far superior to any W school. The lunches served are actually healthy. Most problem kids are not allowed to continue. At public schools problem kids are allowed to stay.

And sports are far superior at the local private schools...about 18% of the graduating class at several Bethesda private schools signed to play college sports. At Whitman it was around 3%.

So you admit that the advantages of private are from making social connections and not necessarily the school quality.

It all makes a difference—smaller classes, better sports and coaching, better lunches, better facilities, great network/ Rolodex , superior parent network and experience…it’s a nice luxury to give your kids if you can pay for it without making a real dent in your net worth.

[Anonymous]

I used to be one of those snark public school parents giving friends whose kids were at private school a hard time—are you getting an IRR by spending 100k on two kids in private? Are you doing it for bragging rights, or do you really think it’s worth it? Wouldn’t you be better off investing the money and giving your kids a million dollars at age 25 as opposed to doing private ?

Fast forward a few years with Covid and—in my humble opinion—MCPS falling apart, both my kids are at big named private schools, and we as a family couldn’t be happier!

I didn’t mean to give people a hard time before about doing private, and was not insecure as money was never an issue. But I was genuinely curious, and yes judge mental, about their choices.

[Anonymous]

Ever since we sent our DD to private school, our friends have stopped inviting us over for the monthly swingers club.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I've encountered the opposite -- families that are jealous that we aren't paying for private for 2 kids. Public is an amazing deal. Some of our friends have to spring for private due to special needs, like dyslexia.

I don't mean to be condescending but they are feigning jealousy. Also, I embellish my child's "issues" when talking to public school parents so they don't feel bad about not being able to afford private school. I'll say things like, "Wow, you are SO lucky that Little Larlo is so focused and can concentrate; my little Larly could NEVER do that!" I don't really mean any of it. Or I'll say, "I WISH I could put little Early in public but she just can't focus. It would save us so much money!" I don't mean any of it but I know it makes my public school friends feel better.

We do the same!!!

That's a really strange way to handle conversations no matter what one thinks of private, public, charter, homeschool, whatever. Very odd.

No, it’s not. It just helps us move the conversation along. Most private schools have better resources than public so everything, generally, is just . . . better. So to sit there and try and compare my experience and a public school parent’s experience will make it glaringly obvious that my kid is having a superior education experience. Note - I did not necessarily say better education - as that may be debatable. However the facilities, attention, trips, etc. are largely better than public.

It’s kind of like if we were to all fly to Hawaii and I flew first class but you flew coach. Sure, we would all get to our destination but my experience would be easier, more luxurious and more enjoyable. I wouldn’t get off of the plane and then ask you how your flight was. I already know, so let’s move on to another subject.

Haha. Wow. I sure hope my private school pals don't feel the need to walk on eggshells like this. How patronizing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No one cares where your kids go to school.

Oh yes, the public school parents most definitely do. I think it is both jealousy and insecurity on their part. What baffles me is why they feel it is okay to be snarky.

I've been both a public and private school parent. Nobody cares about where your kid goes to school.

Agreed. People are too busy to give it more than a passing thought.

+1. Sounds like the OP needs better friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Depends on the school district. In Bethesda/Chevy Chase most of the kids going to private are special needs or come from snooty families. On the DC side of the border, it's people that want a good education for their kids without the fear of violence. No judgment. Families try to do what's best for their children. Certainly not jealous of families that choose private school

If you are wealthy why wouldn't you send your kids to private schools?

Is the money better spent on fancy German and Italian sports cars? If you have excess cash flow after savings, why not? I want to give my kids the best of everything. I still save and have a high net worth by even country club standards.

Because they're not better

Do you really think that some kid coming out of Landon is better prepared for college and life generally than next door Whitman? Or Walter Johnson? Or Churchill?

Do you think the families that send their kids to those schools don't value education? Or could afford private?

It's the difficult kids that are sent to private

The level of wealth at Bethesda private schools and the network kids get is far superior to any W school. The lunches served are actually healthy. Most problem kids are not allowed to continue. At public schools problem kids are allowed to stay.

And sports are far superior at the local private schools...about 18% of the graduating class at several Bethesda private schools signed to play college sports. At Whitman it was around 3%.

So you admit that the advantages of private are from making social connections and not necessarily the school quality.

It all makes a difference—smaller classes, better sports and coaching, better lunches, better facilities, great network/ Rolodex , superior parent network and experience…it’s a nice luxury to give your kids if you can pay for it without making a real dent in your net worth.

This. People here want to fight you on the issue that “the ‘W’ schools are better academically!” Okay, maybe. But we STILL have no interest in going to one. What appeals to you doesn’t appeal to me. Everything PP above mentioned are selling points for our family.

[Anonymous]

It seems this whole thread is about private versus MCPS, am I wrong? Because we left a DC public for private and all of our DC friends completely understood our decision.

[Anonymous]

That’s right, OP. Everyone with kids in public is soooo jealous of you. And sooo upset that they’re not doing the same. Because only your belief is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s right, OP. Everyone with kids in public is soooo jealous of you. And sooo upset that they’re not doing the same. Because only your belief is valid.

No, many people are just haters. Hating the wealthy is the in thing these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s right, OP. Everyone with kids in public is soooo jealous of you. And sooo upset that they’re not doing the same. Because only your belief is valid.

No, many people are just haters. Hating the wealthy is the in thing these days.

Not everyone in private is wealthy. We aren’t. We just allocate our funds differently.