Anyone facing jealous friends now that your kids are in private school?

[Anonymous]

By 9th grade, about 50% of the kids in our neighborhood left the Pyle-Whitman track to go to private schools.

After we moved our boys to private school, our relationship with SOME of our neighbors with kids our kid’s ages changed. They were still cordial and polite, of course, but our relationship was much cooler. But I don’t think this had anything to do with any of them being jealous. It’s not as if they couldn’t also switch if they wanted to.

What I sensed and believe is that more than anything is they were disappointed. These were the people who have evidenced the greatest amount of enthusiasm for the idea of “The Neighborhood” and the role of the public schools in binding it all together.

Absent the same schools thing and with different sports teams to support, we just had a lot less in common.

[Anonymous]

Its all so stupid. Send your kid where they need to go, public or private, and move on.

[Anonymous]

No op because all of my friends tend to send their kids to private. A few sent them to public elementary but since 6th grade have been in private and had always intended to switch to private.

[Anonymous]

I’ve invested less in friends who switched to private because I would rather spend time with families my kids attend school with. It makes sports teams, activities, school functions so much more meaningful when you have those relationships and connections. So yes my kids and I have tended to distance ourselves when families move to private because we’ve got busy lives and limited time and we’re focused on our own school community. Has nothing to do with jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like private school is good for elementary school and middle school. Those are the years where your kid really needs support from both home environment and school environment to be the best version of themselves in the future.

But when it comes to high school I’d prefer public school. Kids at private high school especially girls, get very competitive and alot of them are addicted to adderall(for studying).

Maybe 10 years ago....DD is in a competitive private HS and drugs/smoking/alcohol are just not a thing amongst the academically inclined. My DD 16 says she'll never drink, which surprises me. She even judges me for having one glass of wine with dinner on occasion. Her friends are the same. And, no, she's not nerdy, she's fairly average in the social circle.

[Anonymous]

I've found friends are ok with this. It's service workers I hate talking about it, and they invariably ask the kids what grade they're in and where they go to school. We're solidly middle class (outside DC) and private school is inexpensive for us ($10k a year), but I cringe every time.

[Anonymous]

There are two families in particular who have been very strange about our decision to go with private. I don’t know that it’s jealousy, but the past year has been awkward with them nonstop comparing their “quality” MS education option vs “can you imagine having to pay!” side comments, which I have just ignored or pivoted the conversation away from. I honestly don’t care where their kids go, but am very happy with our family’s decision which has proven to be the perfect move for our kid.

Oddly enough, both of these families are the ones now applying to privates for high school.

[Anonymous]

I was accosted at a graduation party by a neighbor I hardly knew. But he knew our boys because he had coached them on a youth team and he was almost certainly aware they had gone to private schools.

He went on and on telling me what a fabulous experience his daughter had had at a “W” high school.

I told him that was great and “good for her”. I did not say a word to defend private schools or our decision to send them to one.

He didn’t get the argument he seemed to want at least not from me.

It was all so “transparent”.

At least he got whatever was bothering him off his chest, I guest.

I’m unsure if he sensed what a buffoon I thought he was. Probably not.

[Anonymous]

So sad...our friendships have never been based on where are kids go to school. We all share opportunities that we discover kids. They all celebrate the accomplishments of each other. Some of it may be perception vs reality...

[Anonymous]

Status insecure MC and UMC are most certainly triggered by you sending your children to a private. They take it VERY personally, sometimes they are upfront about it, others are passive aggressive and talk about you behind your back. And let’s be frank, they’re triggered because they know the private is better, so they feel inferior. Spare me the spin that it’s somehow a benefit to be at a public with no admissions filter, nobody ever gets expelled, half full of loser kids from bad families, and led by political wannabe board members, admins, and teachers. It’s a freakin’ circus at best you tolerate because you can’t afford private. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was accosted at a graduation party by a neighbor I hardly knew. But he knew our boys because he had coached them on a youth team and he was almost certainly aware they had gone to private schools.

He went on and on telling me what a fabulous experience his daughter had had at a “W” high school.

I told him that was great and “good for her”. I did not say a word to defend private schools or our decision to send them to one.

He didn’t get the argument he seemed to want at least not from me.

It was all so “transparent”.

At least he got whatever was bothering him off his chest, I guest.

I’m unsure if he sensed what a buffoon I thought he was. Probably not.

The long-time sports editor of my hometown newspaper had such a raging hate boner for private schools in his prose. I ran into him at a dinner party and we were kibitzing about nothing in particular — then he became visibly irate when I told him out kids were students at [private day school]. So funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone told me this would happen a lot when people find out we go private instead of arlington public. She said to anticipate people asking why you’d do that with the free, amazing public schools. This has NEVER HAPPENED. I think you get back the attitude you put out.

It's mostly behind your back. If it happens to your face it is generally subtle and passive-aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

If you're constantly running down the schools their kids attend, then yes they're probably angry with you. That doesn't mean they're jealous, it just means you're rude.

This. You really can't tell people their school isn't good! It's impolite even if true. And it's impolite for public schools too.

And bear in mind, it's normal for people to think their private school is great when they first begin there. [b]But sometimes the bloom comes off the rose after they've experienced it for a while. You might want to moderate your remarks so you don't end up looking stupid.

Maybe sometimes. But rarely enough to put the kids in public (unless the family has some cash issues and is searching for an excuse to save money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Status insecure MC and UMC are most certainly triggered by you sending your children to a private. They take it VERY personally, sometimes they are upfront about it, others are passive aggressive and talk about you behind your back. And let’s be frank, they’re triggered because they know the private is better, so they feel inferior. Spare me the spin that it’s somehow a benefit to be at a public with no admissions filter, nobody ever gets expelled, half full of loser kids from bad families, and led by political wannabe board members, admins, and teachers. It’s a freakin’ circus at best you tolerate because you can’t afford private. Period.

Private school parents preening about how public school parents are jealous because we can’t afford to attend private remind me of the old joke about the Southern Baptists in a section of heaven with a big curtain around it (“Shhh… they don’t know the rest of us are here”).

In fact, for those of us trying to raise kids who are decent human beings despite family and personal wealth, one of the benefits of public school is not being around people like PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Status insecure MC and UMC are most certainly triggered by you sending your children to a private. They take it VERY personally, sometimes they are upfront about it, others are passive aggressive and talk about you behind your back. And let’s be frank, they’re triggered because they know the private is better, so they feel inferior. Spare me the spin that it’s somehow a benefit to be at a public with no admissions filter, nobody ever gets expelled, half full of loser kids from bad families, and led by political wannabe board members, admins, and teachers. It’s a freakin’ circus at best you tolerate because you can’t afford private. Period.

Private school parents preening about how public school parents are jealous because we can’t afford to attend private remind me of the old joke about the Southern Baptists in a section of heaven with a big curtain around it (“Shhh… they don’t know the rest of us are here”).

In fact, for those of us trying to raise kids who are decent human beings despite family and personal wealth, one of the benefits of public school is not being around people like PP.

It's so funny to me when public parents act like every public family is humble and modest. The most ruthless, obnoxious, status obsessed and cruel by a mile are UMC at the best public schools who mock and look down their noses at anyone who can't afford to live in their wealthy town or school boundary. And they also look down on the less affluent in their own district/school.