My DH occasionally binge drinks and drives w/ kids in car

[Anonymous]

Oh, how I WISH he would be caught. Even though it would probably wreck us financially, I would rather that than he hurt our children, or anyone else. But he's been doing this for YEARS and he never gets caught. I've even called the cops anonymously to report his car as a suspected DUI. I want to leave BUT...I know he will eventually get at least partial custody of the kids. AT least 95% of the time, he is a great dad. And he has been dry for months, even over a year at one point. He is not physically dependent on alcohol, he just can't control it. So I don't know if I could ever trust him to not drink and drive w/ the kids. And even if he didn't drive, he is irresponsible when he drinks at home, too. We have a child who is autistic and he passed out one night holding him with just his diaper on. He put the child down on the sofa and when he finally woke up sometime in the night, he went upstairs and locked the baby gate at the top of the stairs, leaving our child alone on the sofa. I wake to hear that child scared crying, cold and lying at the top of the steps, unable to get through, at 3 am. I do NOT trust the courts or my DH to keep my children safe. At least if I am here, I am aware of what is happening and can protect my children as much as I can. But how to deal? I can't keep him from ever driving the kids as long as we are married as he won't agree to it. If I leave, or if I make things miserable enough for him that he leaves, then my kids are not only still at risk, but I can't do anything about it. Feel so scared, frustrated and trapped.

[Anonymous]

Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

see a lawyer, explain the situation. ask about full custody because of the drinking and driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

[Anonymous]

leave him, your kids could end up dead because you didnt.
i dont give a shit that he is good 95% of the time. The time he is bad, he is really really shitty.

what does he say when he is sober after he did that?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I'm in pretty much the EXACT situation as you. I practically could have written your post myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:see a lawyer, explain the situation. ask about full custody because of the drinking and driving.

Lawyers don't give out full custody. Judges do. And they are LOATHE do it. It takes a LOT...of evidence, luck and money. I don't have a lot of any of that. He has a lot of money in separate account that I can't access, so he can fight forever with the best lawyers and I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:leave him, your kids could end up dead because you didnt.
i dont give a shit that he is good 95% of the time. The time he is bad, he is really really shitty.

what does he say when he is sober after he did that?

He denies that he was too drunk to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I'm in pretty much the EXACT situation as you. I practically could have written your post myself.

Really? What are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

[Anonymous]

You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I'm in pretty much the EXACT situation as you. I practically could have written your post myself.

Really? What are you going to do?

I just don't know. I have the same fear as you about him binge drinking and hurting our son while he has custody. I'm currently keeping a journal, keeping track of incidents. My husband, like yours, has never been caught driving drunk, but like you, I wish he would be, even though it would probably financially ruin us too. It would be just my word against his in court. I just don't know what to do either. It's REALLY hard to get full custody or supervised visits. If I left him, and something happened to my son while his father had him and was drinking, I could never forgive myself. I'm just at a loss as to what to do.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. You are an enabler. You can at least talk to a lawyer. Find out how you can document things. Go to an AA meeting or other support group. But to sit there with excuses of why you can't do any of that while knowing that your husband could kill your kids is enabling his behavior and you are partially responsible for it.

Contact a lawyer and get advice. Go to an AA meeting. Find some support in your community. Speak to their pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

You're an ass. Did you even read her post?? She has called the police on him before. I'm the PP in her same situation. I've called the police after finding out my husband has left parties drunk and driving. It's never resulted in an arrest. When I find out he's been driving drunk, he's already home. My husband doesn't call me beforehand and say, "hey honey, I'm wasted and getting behind the wheel. I just wanted to let you know".