DH just had bypass and says he wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

My DH just came home from the hospital after bypass surgery a few weeks back. He told me today that if I continue to create the stress on him I created before the surgery about the house, my career vs. his, child care, etc. that he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want me to "kill" him. I am really upset b/c I was so worried about him easing up to, during and after the surgery that I feel he is being unappreciative. When I asked him what he means by stress I create, he said have related an atmosphere of "emotional oppression" in the household where only my feeling my feelings matter, not his nor our children's. I really don't understand what he means. He said I need to get therapy myself and we also need it as a family. I do not believe in therapy or hanging out my feelings to a total stranger. Am I really going something wrong, is he having some sort of crisis or is he just being a jerk?

[Anonymous]

There is really something wrong and he WANTS to fix it. Go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

I think you should listen to your husband and get individual and family counseling.

It doesn't sound like "he" is having a crisis. It sounds like your family is having a crisis. No one on an anonymous board can solve these problems for you. You should immediately find a qualified professional to help you and your family.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound very self aware. He's probably right. You should go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

He might be going through depression after undergoing surgery...

[Anonymous]

Your husband is being open and honest about how he is feeling. He is communicating with you and telling you he can't keep going with the way things are as he sees the impact it has had on his health. He is asking you to work with him to fix it.

He is pretty much the opposite of a jerk - he has handled this really well. Go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

When people are being jerks, they don't suggest therapy. It sounds like he wants a stress free, happy life.

[Anonymous]

You should really consider giving therapy a try because obviously you cannot communicate with your husband without a mediator. I think he is the opposite of a jerk because he's being explicit about what you need to do to save your marriage and he's willing to go to therapy and do some work himself.

Having a near death experience puts your priorities into focus and he's realized that his priority is changing the dynamic of your household. I think you should be thankful for this wake up call and decide if you can get over yourself enough to give therapy an honest try.

The fact that you don't know what the problem is implies you may have a lot of work to do. You seem like you are not good at receiving negative or critical information since you immediately assume the person telling you the negative information must be wrong.

[Anonymous]

He actually wants to go to therapy? ? DO IT!! I've been begging my DH for it for years. please try it, it's not going to hurt anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When people are being jerks, they don't suggest therapy. It sounds like he wants a stress free, happy life.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH just came home from the hospital after bypass surgery a few weeks back. He told me today that if I continue to create the stress on him I created before the surgery about the house, my career vs. his, child care, etc. that he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want me to "kill" him. I am really upset b/c I was so worried about him easing up to, during and after the surgery that I feel he is being unappreciative. When I asked him what he means by stress I create, he said have related an atmosphere of "emotional oppression" in the household where only my feeling my feelings matter, not his nor our children's. I really don't understand what he means. He said I need to get therapy myself and we also need it as a family. I do not believe in therapy or hanging out my feelings to a total stranger. Am I really going something wrong, is he having some sort of crisis or is he just being a jerk?

But you're okay with posting your feelings online and soliciting comments from a bunch of strangers?

[Anonymous]

Depression is very common after bypass surgery or a heart attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH just came home from the hospital after bypass surgery a few weeks back. He told me today that if I continue to create the stress on him I created before the surgery about the house, my career vs. his, child care, etc. that he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want me to "kill" him. I am really upset b/c I was so worried about him easing up to, during and after the surgery that I feel he is being unappreciative. When I asked him what he means by stress I create, he said have related an atmosphere of "emotional oppression" in the household where only my feeling my feelings matter, not his nor our children's. I really don't understand what he means. He said I need to get therapy myself and we also need it as a family. I do not believe in therapy or hanging out my feelings to a total stranger. Am I really going something wrong, is he having some sort of crisis or is he just being a jerk?

OP, if you don't understand what he is talking about -- and it sounds like you really feel clueless about it -- then that suggests that you are unaware of other family members' feelings. You should go to therapy. If this is true (and I said if), your kids need room to breathe - they need to know they're feelings are okay and not everything is about mom. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You need to start "believing" in therapy if you want to save your marriage. Stop focusing on the d-word, your husband pretty much told you he wants to fix this through counseling. sounds like you have a lot of work to do.

[Anonymous]

Get the therapy, unless you want a divorce. You are probably nagging your husband without even realizing it. He sounds serious.