Bullying at NCS

[Anonymous]

New poster and parent of former NCS student. I don't know why but I have to agree that the guidance counselors are no help. My sense is because the administration wants them to "take care" of the problems they don;t want to take care of themselves and counselors just can't. So it becomes a dumping ground where they are there to listen and thats all -- no problem solving. I got the sense they just want the girls who are unhappy to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster and parent of former NCS student. I don't know why but I have to agree that the guidance counselors are no help. My sense is because the administration wants them to "take care" of the problems they don;t want to take care of themselves and counselors just can't. So it becomes a dumping ground where they are there to listen and thats all -- no problem solving. I got the sense they just want the girls who are unhappy to leave.

Not sure why the unhappy NCS students don't leave. It is really sad to hear them talk about how miserable they are at NCS - the school is plainly not the right fit for them. What motivates a parent to insist on forcing the square peg into the round hole?

[Anonymous]

I thought 1:19 provided a good answer to this question:

Anonymous wrote:I was asked by my mom in middle school a couple times if I wanted to switch out but I thought the other schools in the area weren't as good in both academics and lacrosse/athletics so I always said no and insisted on staying. BIG MISTAKE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster and parent of former NCS student. I don't know why but I have to agree that the guidance counselors are no help. My sense is because the administration wants them to "take care" of the problems they don;t want to take care of themselves and counselors just can't. So it becomes a dumping ground where they are there to listen and thats all -- no problem solving. I got the sense they just want the girls who are unhappy to leave.

Not sure why the unhappy NCS students don't leave. It is really sad to hear them talk about how miserable they are at NCS - the school is plainly not the right fit for them. What motivates a parent to insist on forcing the square peg into the round hole?

Because the real problems start at 10th grade and get worse from there. By then many students and families believe its too late in the high school career to leave, especially if the serious unhappiness hits after 11th grade has started. Its not true, students can leave and it will be fine for them, but most people don't know that.

Its not the fit. This is what parents of younger students at NCS tell themselves, as in "my DD is happy, doing fine. The unhappy ones just don't fit." But 11th or 12th grade it will become apparent that there is something toxic about the place. Some girls will make it through OK, some won't. I am not aware of a single recent graduate who says "I LOVE my high school." I do know of graduates from other schools that say that.

I wish the administration would read this thread. I think there are some thoughtful posts here and they need to know about the reputation NCS has. Reputations become self-fulfilling. If a school is seen as competitive and cold, only the parents who want to compete will send their kids there, reenforcing all the coldness and competitiveness. Its going to take a serious effort to change the atmosphere at NCS and i see no willingness to do so.

[Anonymous]

So why do parents stick it out? Is college placement really that much better than Holton, Visi, SR, etc.? Or do some think having one survive through the ordeal will make their daughters stronger?

[Anonymous]

Some are parents of the alpha girls (i.e,bullies) who see no problem; some parents value the social esteem of having a child at NCS more than what they view as trivial concerns and some are just clueless or in denial about what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So why do parents stick it out? Is college placement really that much better than Holton, Visi, SR, etc.? Or do some think having one survive through the ordeal will make their daughters stronger?

Why do some people keep bumping this thread with inane questions ("Do they think the ordeal will make their daughters stronger?"). That's the question in my mind right now.

(No, I have no connection to the school.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some are parents of the alpha girls (i.e,bullies) who see no problem; some parents value the social esteem of having a child at NCS more than what they view as trivial concerns and some are just clueless or in denial about what is going on.

In one sentence, you have covered every single parent I know at the school, including me (yikes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:also (same student) I was asked by my mom in middle school a couple times if I wanted to switch out but I thought the other schools in the area weren't as good in both academics and lacrosse/athletics so I always said no and insisted on staying. BIG MISTAKE! If I had a time machine I would tell my 7th grade self to switch to a boarding school and if not that then Visi or Sidwell. just don't stay at ncs, 12-year-old me! haha

and parent cliques: yep. they're hilarious. there are the 'cool' moms who literally act more immature than their daughters. also, it's these girls who have the most access to alchohol and parties, and these girls who were most of the "trouble children" in middle school.
My mom loves to secretly be super amused by these moms (secretly meaning she is friendly and doesn't laugh at their uggs to their faces).


A NOTE TO MOMS:
Please don't wear uggs. Just don't. Please. and the leggings-northface-uggs look is for middle school kids. I just wanna help out by being honest (also, please don't act like you're in highschool and have to be one of the clique of moms that's "cool"/has a lot of the "party" daughters. it's funny and not in a good way)
Not bashing certain NCS students and their moms are perfectly nice, but way too obsessed with the things even I got over in middle school.

On a lighter note that twitter thing (poster, as some were calling it?) was legitimately exactly what was on my feed. I didn't make up any of it or get it from other sources, and I didn't omit ANY posts, even totally irrelevant ones. Just saying, because I feel like a couple people were wondering whether it was real <3

thank you for the great laugh! mom here. No Uggs, got it!

[Anonymous]

I think any ordeal like this will either leave you really, really messed up, or a lot stronger emotionally, and that's not a risk I would want to take! Being able to survive this much torment does not seem like something I would have wanted to subject myself to it for.

[Anonymous]

People have been discussing how particular girls may be singled out and bullied, but what actually happens is what that student said: everyone is mean to everyone besides their clique of friends; yes there are particularly heinous, specific cases of bullying to certain girls, but mainly it is the awful social environment in general. People suck up to people higher in the social order, and are bitchy to people lower than them. Always.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I will never understand how bullies have this much power. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I will never understand how bullies have this much power. Never.

Because?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I will never understand how bullies have this much power. Never.

Because?

Because bullied people don't fight back because they will be the ones who are expelled, not the bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have been discussing how particular girls may be singled out and bullied, but what actually happens is what that student said: everyone is mean to everyone besides their clique of friends; yes there are particularly heinous, specific cases of bullying to certain girls, but mainly it is the awful social environment in general. People suck up to people higher in the social order, and are bitchy to people lower than them. Always.

So being bullied is a rite of passage?