What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A baby surrendered for adoption goes to a home filled with love and with a person or people who have been longing for them. That's not a sad ending. It is the beginning of a happy story.

Open your mind.

The woman wants to keep her child, what part of that statement do you not comprehend PP. Are you saying it’s not HER choice? Who is to say this child is going to have an unhappy ending with his birth mom. Open your mind, besides OP has no say in whether that woman place the child up for adoption, or not. Not her decision.

The level of denial required to keep a crypto pregnancy a mystery until 32 weeks is not an indicator of an emotionally healthy person. Sure she wants to keep it. It's hers and she thinks it will make up for whatever was lacking in the foo she hasn't told. Or she planned it all along. Either way not a good partner. Or guaranteed good mom.

Crazy moms are crazymaking. Ask me how I know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What type of 27 year old man doesn’t handle his business and take care of his family. Pathetic.

OP is doing the right thing to support the baby mama.

Oh sure. Handle his business then get divorced. Paying support is not the worst outcome for the kid. OP is choosing purported grandchild over actual son. That betrayal will not be forgotten. No matter if the alleged parents marry and are happy (which I doubt). The betrayal and lie about support no matter what will be there.

OP apparently scoped no matter what to include early stage abortion, marriage, co-parenting. Not lying about paternity, mentally questionable baby mama, no desire by son to spend life with her.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier

OP here

from what I understand from my son she was on birth control pills ... not hormonal birth control

While his dad and I were both in grad school in boston, I terminated an unplanned pregnancy in late 1994 at the same Brookline (Boston) clinic where someone came in with guns a few weeks later and started shooting up the place. I visually remembered some of the staffers who were killed. We'd had to wade through a bunch of protesters outside who kept grabbing at our sleeves and said horrible things like

"You'll go to to hell for killing your baby"

"Murderers"

Just WTF where even are those people today? They were all old people

So I'm just saying I've done some things.

Inside, it was a normal surgical procedure. People were very kind. But they had to be behind security doors. No one wanted to be there.

NO one WANTS to be there

I'm still not in hell. I love my adult children and will support them in any ways they need.

That’s wild, OP. I also had an abortion a little earlier than you, in late fall of 1993, at the same clinic. I was devastated a year later when it was attacked. I also had my pregnancy confirmation and dating and had gotten birth control previously at the Planned Pregnancy on Beacon Street and I vividly remember the receptionist there who was murdered. She was only 25.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by supporting your grandson’s mother and providing help for the baby. You raised your son…he will come around. This is hard because it’s all a crazy shock and it’s all out of his control. But he will step up. Give it time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A baby surrendered for adoption goes to a home filled with love and with a person or people who have been longing for them. That's not a sad ending. It is the beginning of a happy story.

Open your mind.

The woman wants to keep her child, what part of that statement do you not comprehend PP. Are you saying it’s not HER choice? Who is to say this child is going to have an unhappy ending with his birth mom. Open your mind, besides OP has no say in whether that woman place the child up for adoption, or not. Not her decision.

The level of denial required to keep a crypto pregnancy a mystery until 32 weeks is not an indicator of an emotionally healthy person. Sure she wants to keep it. It's hers and she thinks it will make up for whatever was lacking in the foo she hasn't told. Or she planned it all along. Either way not a good partner. Or guaranteed good mom.

Crazy moms are crazymaking. Ask me how I know...

Eff you. Plenty of healthy people have cryptic pregnancies. My cousin is an RN and did not know she was pregnant until over 30 weeks. She has an unusually placed uterus and never once felt the fetus kick. She is slightly overweight and never looked pregnant. She also continued to bleed slightly through the pregnancy and since she was never regular before then, she didn’t notice any symptoms that would be concerning.

She and her husband were married and had no idea. Interestingly each of her 3 subsequent pregnancies she had more pronounced symptoms, like her boobs swelled much more and her belly expanded more, but she never felt kicks until the very end of full term pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier

OP here

from what I understand from my son she was on birth control pills ... not hormonal birth control

While his dad and I were both in grad school in boston, I terminated an unplanned pregnancy in late 1994 at the same Brookline (Boston) clinic where someone came in with guns a few weeks later and started shooting up the place. I visually remembered some of the staffers who were killed. We'd had to wade through a bunch of protesters outside who kept grabbing at our sleeves and said horrible things like

"You'll go to to hell for killing your baby"

"Murderers"

Just WTF where even are those people today? They were all old people

So I'm just saying I've done some things.

Inside, it was a normal surgical procedure. People were very kind. But they had to be behind security doors. No one wanted to be there.

NO one WANTS to be there

I'm still not in hell. I love my adult children and will support them in any ways they need.

That’s wild, OP. I also had an abortion a little earlier than you, in late fall of 1993, at the same clinic. I was devastated a year later when it was attacked. I also had my pregnancy confirmation and dating and had gotten birth control previously at the Planned Pregnancy on Beacon Street and I vividly remember the receptionist there who was murdered. She was only 25.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by supporting your grandson’s mother and providing help for the baby. You raised your son…he will come around. This is hard because it’s all a crazy shock and it’s all out of his control. But he will step up. Give it time.

I flew to New York to get a 6 week abortion in 1972. It was legal there. If that had not been an option I would have kil#ed myself. I can understand someone not wanting to be a parent no matter what and I don't think only women can feel that way.

Team Son. He can choose too. Whatever. But he can choose.

[Anonymous]

OP, put the alcohol down and take a step back….if this is even true.

[Anonymous]

This thread is either trolling or at least 2 protagonists are off the charts. Buh bye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is the least important thing in this whole dumpster fire of a situation, but Kevin is such a terrible name. This girlfriend is the worst.

OP here. She named him after her father who passed when she was a teenager. Probably of an overdose, I am just guessing.

He was 42 and her parents weren't married. She didn't have any siblings.

I was able to look up the obituary based on her unusual first name.

I can see why she felt a very strong connection to her dad and yes, the baby's name is Kevin.

At least it's not Kevyeighn

It's not a terrible name at all.

I keep thinking of Kevin Tighe the actor and Joan from MadMen who named her only son Kevin. It's just out of fashion for being so ordinary, maybe. Wouldn't be my choice, but it's not my choice, and I get how she's emotionally attached to the name.

Its ok

My son's older brother is flying in this weekend from 5k miles away because he says "y'all need me right now"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is the least important thing in this whole dumpster fire of a situation, but Kevin is such a terrible name. This girlfriend is the worst.

OP here. She named him after her father who passed when she was a teenager. Probably of an overdose, I am just guessing.

He was 42 and her parents weren't married. She didn't have any siblings.

I was able to look up the obituary based on her unusual first name.

I can see why she felt a very strong connection to her dad and yes, the baby's name is Kevin.

At least it's not Kevyeighn

It's not a terrible name at all.

I keep thinking of Kevin Tighe the actor and Joan from MadMen who named her only son Kevin. It's just out of fashion for being so ordinary, maybe. Wouldn't be my choice, but it's not my choice, and I get how she's emotionally attached to the name.

Its ok

My son's older brother is flying in this weekend from 5k miles away because he says "y'all need me right now"

I hope older brother will be a calming influence on the situation

There is nothing wrong with Kevin. My first thought was Kevin the character in Home Alone. Maybe someday you'll be watching it with your grandson. One foot in front of the other, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I just wanted to say that it would have been an incredible plan to raid the entire family's millions conceiving a child with someone with no guarantee that the baby would still come out looking EXACTLY like my son did as a newborn

I did see a picture of her dad in his obituary.

He was truly handsome, he was a musician, if I had to compare him to someone I would say he looked like a 30s Dave Grohl

His internet pictures look like pin-ups

Anyway, I get why she named the baby after her dad, it's a profound connection she gets to make with him today

And my son wasn't there saying anything differently ... so I have a grandson named Kevin

What other name would I have picked? Probably something stupidly pretentious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a mess! Whyy is the son receiving $3000 via Amex each month? I thought he had a job? Now, mom has started buying baby stuff even though the gf hasn't asked for anything. Mom should put down the Ativan and wait for a request from the parents.

OP here

The Amex allotments are our way of supporting our adult kids today, that's it

10K per month divided

They pay for car repairs emergencies groceries just daily living

We also don't do Christmas gift giving anymore, this is our permanent gift

We'd rather help our children today than make them wait until we die or something

It's not making them mega rich

[Anonymous]

How about?

How can I help?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you’re interested in adopting an adult child, a very nice woman in her 50’s who is a teacher and can help you with this new grandchild, please sign me up. You are incredibly generous, spectacularly generous, to your adult children.

If you adult son is even remotely decent, once he gets over feeling clobbered in the head and wraps his mind around the reality of the situation, he should insist that his Amex allowance be given to his child. He has a job. And then pay child support as ordered by a court.

I hope he will step up to be a father to this child but your relationship with your grandson can be independent of his relationship ship to his (ex?) gf and his child. It is not disloyal to your son for you to want to support the woman he impregnated and the resulting child.

Supporting your child and loving your child does not always mean agreeing with his choices. If he takes it that way, he’s got some growing up to do, but your own relationship with Kevin is independent.

(I love that name, BTW, and seriously who is making a big deal about that anyway? We have enough Braydens and Liams.)

One caution, OP: please don’t assume gf’s dad died of an OD. Has she told you anything that suggests that? That feels really classist of you. It could have been a cardiac event, suicide, or an illness. I know you’re dying of curiosity but maybe get invited over and get to know her more rather than Googling.)

I wish you joy in grandmotherhood! Thank you for stepping up for this unexpected new fella!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
(I love that name, BTW, and seriously who is making a big deal about that anyway? We have enough Braydens and Liams.)

One caution, OP: please don’t assume gf’s dad died of an OD. Has she told you anything that suggests that? That feels really classist of you. It could have been a cardiac event, suicide, or an illness. I know you’re dying of curiosity but maybe get invited over and get to know her more rather than Googling.)

I wish you joy in grandmotherhood! Thank you for stepping up for this unexpected new fella!

OP here

I asked.

One embarrassing answer she (mom of Kevin) said was "I think I told you before but it's OK if you don't remember"

I did not remember. It's not her fault, somehow I really didn't remember.

She says her dad died of cirrhosis/live/organ failure in the hospital (ten years ago)

[Anonymous]

Well if your grandbaby mama picked somebody with family "millions" to surprise with a kid she could have done worse bwahaha. But since you never mentioned being loaded till lately all my suspicions when he was just a clueless average guy still stand. She's very damaged.