Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m another single mom and while I don’t have time to make my own crackers, I do work a second job and an occasional third job. Why? It’s the same reason most people work second jobs. Job #1 doesn’t pay all of the bills. Do I have the energy for it? Hell no! I’m 49 years old and spend my days in a overstimulating school that expects me to be everything to everybody. I’m not on drugs to do all of this. I do a lot of dropping off and picking up of my kids in between the two jobs. The house gets cleaned on weekends by all of us. My son will go to the grocery store today (he just got his license) and my DD and I will clean and cook. People do this all of the time because they don’t have a choice.

This is the point almost all of you are missing. People (households) ultimately work to pay the bills. No one vilifies working moms who DON’T work second and occasional third jobs. Because who the hell wants to do that? The vast majority of people would rather spend the extra time with their families or just chilling if they don’t need the money.

Now apply that logic to couples who make enough with ONE job to pay all the bills. The second job is optional, and many people choose not to work just for fun or to out accumulate more money than they actually need.

Again, this isn’t complicated and it’s not a moral argument. For most people, it’s just math and priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this serious though? You go to the grocery store every day for an hour? You prep sports equipment every day for an hour? Every day for an hour you set up appointments and respond to family emails??

I don’t see why it’s so terrible for a stay at home parent to admit they have some down time in their day. Of course you do. Great for you. Enjoy it! If you are truly busy all day every day doing what you claim above, it’s just baffling how slow and inefficient you are. Who needs to spend 4-5 hours per week grocery shopping??

These stay at home moms stretch tasks that should take 5 minutes out for hours and then don’t believe anyone could work and have a clean house.

It doesn’t even make any sense. You couldn’t stretch these tasks out enough to fill the time.

It reminds me when I started working I worked with this older woman who would hand write out her reply to an email first and then type it in, pecking at the keyboard. In doing this it would take her an actual hour to respond to an email that should have taken 5-10 minutes. I wouldn’t have believed it I’d didn’t see her doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

They probably call you an almond mom behind your back.

Ugh this just sounds so stifling. People who do this usually have a rude awakening when the kid has more ability to choose and eat food away from them as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

I have a job and feed my kids healthy food and also sometimes we eat unhealthy food in moderation and for fun. Highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this satire? What you described is simply being an adult and having kids.

The fact you think this one of the hardest jobs in the world is comical.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should definitely stop doing all the things that you do for your kids for one weekend then revisit with a calm conversation and see if they appreciate your stay at home status a bit more. I would also write everything down that you do for them on a daily basis and hand them the list. Kids are visual learners and once they SEE on paper how many things you do, even all the minutia that seems irrelevant, you will have made your point. You should also highlight to them that you get to attend their games or whatever they do on weekends and enjoy being a family rather than doing all the tasks you do Monday through Friday on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this satire? What you described is simply being an adult and having kids.

The fact you think this one of the hardest jobs in the world is comical.

And what is the husband doing during this satire schedule? Smoking a pipe on the back porch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this satire? What you described is simply being an adult and having kids.

The fact you think this one of the hardest jobs in the world is comical.

She can’t even find time to exercise when all she is doing is basic tasks of adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this serious though? You go to the grocery store every day for an hour? You prep sports equipment every day for an hour? Every day for an hour you set up appointments and respond to family emails??

I don’t see why it’s so terrible for a stay at home parent to admit they have some down time in their day. Of course you do. Great for you. Enjoy it! If you are truly busy all day every day doing what you claim above, it’s just baffling how slow and inefficient you are. Who needs to spend 4-5 hours per week grocery shopping??

These stay at home moms stretch tasks that should take 5 minutes out for hours and then don’t believe anyone could work and have a clean house.

It doesn’t even make any sense. You couldn’t stretch these tasks out enough to fill the time.

It reminds me when I started working I worked with this older woman who would hand write out her reply to an email first and then type it in, pecking at the keyboard. In doing this it would take her an actual hour to respond to an email that should have taken 5-10 minutes. I wouldn’t have believed it I’d didn’t see her doing it.

Remember not to whine when AI takes your job, ma’am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

No one cares what you think because you failed spectacularly at your first and most important responsibility. The fact that you insist on inserting yourself into a conversation that isn’t about you (obviously single moms aren’t generally going to be SAHMs), and claiming that people are saying things that haven’t been said in order to fit your narrative (newsflash: someone saying they spend their days cleaning their house, doing laundry, and grocery shopping doesn’t mean they think they wouldn’t do those things in the evening hours if they worked), tells me everything I need to know about why you couldn’t manage to make an adult relationship work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

No one cares what you think because you failed spectacularly at your first and most important responsibility. The fact that you insist on inserting yourself into a conversation that isn’t about you (obviously single moms aren’t generally going to be SAHMs), and claiming that people are saying things that haven’t been said in order to fit your narrative (newsflash: someone saying they spend their days cleaning their house, doing laundry, and grocery shopping doesn’t mean they think they wouldn’t do those things in the evening hours if they worked), tells me everything I need to know about why you couldn’t manage to make an adult relationship work.

Folks we have found a triggered sahm. Come back to us in a few years when your husband leaves you can you can’t find a decent job because of your lack of work history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

No one cares what you think because you failed spectacularly at your first and most important responsibility. The fact that you insist on inserting yourself into a conversation that isn’t about you (obviously single moms aren’t generally going to be SAHMs), and claiming that people are saying things that haven’t been said in order to fit your narrative (newsflash: someone saying they spend their days cleaning their house, doing laundry, and grocery shopping doesn’t mean they think they wouldn’t do those things in the evening hours if they worked), tells me everything I need to know about why you couldn’t manage to make an adult relationship work.

Folks we have found a triggered sahm. Come back to us in a few years when your husband leaves you can you can’t find a decent job because of your lack of work history.

Another example of your immaturity. Again, color me shocked that you couldn’t keep your family together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this satire? What you described is simply being an adult and having kids.

The fact you think this one of the hardest jobs in the world is comical.

DP. No working parents don’t do this. My middle school kid starts school at 7:15, same for high schooler that doesn’t drive. My youngest starts 8:30. Older kids are done by 2:30, then extracurriculars immediately start. Two of my kids are in highly accelerated programs that are not at their home schools- they need to be picked up at noon twice per week and driven to another school. So unless your work day is 9-2 with the flexibility of leaving even early multiple days per week, this would be a problem. Oh, then there’s the unholy number of half days and random Fridays off. Since my kids have various private lessons and group practices nearly every day after school, I have to have dinner pretty much ready before I start school pick up. In the 5 hrs I’m home alone (less on the early pick up days), I work out, clean house, do yard work, run errands, and cook dinner plus make sure there is homemade food for packed lunches and snacks pack (baking bread and muffins, granola, etc). My spouse works about 60 hrs per week and makes plenty of money- it makes sense for me to be home and being present since that is what is needed more vs additional money. My teens know I do tons of behind the scenes work to make their lives smooth and to help them succeed and reach their potential.