Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m another single mom and while I don’t have time to make my own crackers, I do work a second job and an occasional third job. Why? It’s the same reason most people work second jobs. Job #1 doesn’t pay all of the bills. Do I have the energy for it? Hell no! I’m 49 years old and spend my days in a overstimulating school that expects me to be everything to everybody. I’m not on drugs to do all of this. I do a lot of dropping off and picking up of my kids in between the two jobs. The house gets cleaned on weekends by all of us. My son will go to the grocery store today (he just got his license) and my DD and I will clean and cook. People do this all of the time because they don’t have a choice.

Some of these people are so privileged they don’t understand how a household could possibly run without someone having the luxury of staying at home. It’s ridiculous

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

I am one of the single moms who posted above. I work full time, more than 40 hours a week. My house is clean. My laundry is done. My kid is in several activities. I am really passionate about eating a wholesome diet and I like gardening, so I grow some of our food, and make most of our food from scratch including bread for school lunches, waffles for breakfasts, crackers, and all of our dinners. I'm going to be honest, I do not think I could possibly do more than I already do even if I stayed home, I would just have A LOT more time to prioritize my own hobbies and interests and I could do things more slowly. It's absolutely a trade off. For example, I still manage to get in 4 workouts a week, but instead of having a leisurely time going to a class at a boutique studio, I either block my lunch on a wfh day and get it done, or wake up early and do it.

How old are you? How many hours do you sleep? What drugs are you on? How old is your child, and do you have full custody? Whatever you are doing for 40 hours a week must be pretty low key because no way a normal job leaves someone with enough energy to be doing all that.
Also you come off like a smug b1tch craving external validation for how hard you work and how you have it all together in spite of being a single mom.

Who on earth wants get up to drop off their kid, work a full day, pick up the kid, go home and then spend the evening on a very full second shift with no partner to share the workload?
Making your own crackers, WTF.

You likely don’t have time for friends, which checks out because your smug, unrelateable attitude probably keeps most people away.

Pointing out that a SAHM mom isn't the only one who can keep a clean house, garden, and cook is hardly smug. I am sorry if this disrupts your worldview and sense of self. I think the truth is, a lot of people who decided to stay home aren't driven type A's, and that is fine. But don't act like all the stuff you do couldn't possibly get done by someone who works, and if moms work the house would be in shambles, and your children wandering around in dirty clothes with holes. A lot of moms who keep working are organized and efficient, and are able to get a lot done. I have found some systems and ways of staying organized that work well for me. I have full custody, and I am not on drugs (lol).

Also, home made crackers are delicious and don't take that long to make. My kid loves helping make them! You should try it, you'll never go back to store bought.

There are only so many hours in a day. Most people need 8 hours of sleep to function. Add in a FT job plus commute and there really isn’t much time left to do all of the things you are saying you do, no matter how organized someone is.

I am also a single mom, I WFH and I know that our quality of life would go down significantly if I had to commute and wasn’t able to spend my lunch tidying and doing housework. That’s what makes it doable. Not everyone has that. Some people can’t WFH. Some people have kids with SN. Some people have their own health issues to attend to. Most people’s lives are not picture perfect and I don’t think I am better than SAHM who made a choice to not be exhausted.

You are part of the problem when you talk like it is reasonable and easy to work full time and then do a whole involved second shift on top of it. It is not reasonable. It is a scam, and we are pushing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up my legal career when my younger child was three. He's now a junior in high school, and I have no plans to go back to work. When people ask me whether I'm bored or whatever, I just laugh and say something sarcastically dismissive like "my kids are still the most difficult clients I've ever had."

You probably didn’t like being a lawyer in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Ultimately life is nothing but an experience, and some get to have a better experience than others by luck. What you choose to do with that luck is up to you. Why feel bad about being lucky? That’s just the way this world works

[Anonymous]

Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

I am one of the single moms who posted above. I work full time, more than 40 hours a week. My house is clean. My laundry is done. My kid is in several activities. I am really passionate about eating a wholesome diet and I like gardening, so I grow some of our food, and make most of our food from scratch including bread for school lunches, waffles for breakfasts, crackers, and all of our dinners. I'm going to be honest, I do not think I could possibly do more than I already do even if I stayed home, I would just have A LOT more time to prioritize my own hobbies and interests and I could do things more slowly. It's absolutely a trade off. For example, I still manage to get in 4 workouts a week, but instead of having a leisurely time going to a class at a boutique studio, I either block my lunch on a wfh day and get it done, or wake up early and do it.

How old are you? How many hours do you sleep? What drugs are you on? How old is your child, and do you have full custody? Whatever you are doing for 40 hours a week must be pretty low key because no way a normal job leaves someone with enough energy to be doing all that.
Also you come off like a smug b1tch craving external validation for how hard you work and how you have it all together in spite of being a single mom.

Who on earth wants get up to drop off their kid, work a full day, pick up the kid, go home and then spend the evening on a very full second shift with no partner to share the workload?
Making your own crackers, WTF.

You likely don’t have time for friends, which checks out because your smug, unrelateable attitude probably keeps most people away.

Pointing out that a SAHM mom isn't the only one who can keep a clean house, garden, and cook is hardly smug. I am sorry if this disrupts your worldview and sense of self. I think the truth is, a lot of people who decided to stay home aren't driven type A's, and that is fine. But don't act like all the stuff you do couldn't possibly get done by someone who works, and if moms work the house would be in shambles, and your children wandering around in dirty clothes with holes. A lot of moms who keep working are organized and efficient, and are able to get a lot done. I have found some systems and ways of staying organized that work well for me. I have full custody, and I am not on drugs (lol).

Also, home made crackers are delicious and don't take that long to make. My kid loves helping make them! You should try it, you'll never go back to store bought.

There are only so many hours in a day. Most people need 8 hours of sleep to function. Add in a FT job plus commute and there really isn’t much time left to do all of the things you are saying you do, no matter how organized someone is.

I am also a single mom, I WFH and I know that our quality of life would go down significantly if I had to commute and wasn’t able to spend my lunch tidying and doing housework. That’s what makes it doable. Not everyone has that. Some people can’t WFH. Some people have kids with SN. Some people have their own health issues to attend to. Most people’s lives are not picture perfect and I don’t think I am better than SAHM who made a choice to not be exhausted.

You are part of the problem when you talk like it is reasonable and easy to work full time and then do a whole involved second shift on top of it. It is not reasonable. It is a scam, and we are pushing back.

No, im saying it’s possible. I don’t actually think you are a single mom or you wouldn’t be defending the people who are basically accusing all working moms of having messy houses and unkempt kids. I work a hybrid schedule, for what it’s worth, but I also lean hard on getting things done in small chunks.

For example, the other morning, I threw a load of laundry in as soon as I woke up, threw it in the dryer right before we left, folded and put away in the evening. If I was a stay at home mom, I would have probably put the laundry in after drop off, moving at a more leisurely pace.

[Anonymous]

WFH policies are the first time in history women have actually been able to have it all. I stayed home for years and have only been able to go back to my legal career because of WFH. My kids respect me more and I respect myself more. It’s sad that a bunch of white men are taking this away from future generations of women. I have to admit that I do question women who work when the kids are little then quit when they’re in school. There can be unique circumstances but that just strikes me as lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WFH policies are the first time in history women have actually been able to have it all. I stayed home for years and have only been able to go back to my legal career because of WFH. My kids respect me more and I respect myself more. It’s sad that a bunch of white men are taking this away from future generations of women. I have to admit that I do question women who work when the kids are little then quit when they’re in school. There can be unique circumstances but that just strikes me as lazy.

Yikes. You say sad about white men but then punch away at women who make different choices than you. Views like yours don’t help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up my legal career when my younger child was three. He's now a junior in high school, and I have no plans to go back to work. When people ask me whether I'm bored or whatever, I just laugh and say something sarcastically dismissive like "my kids are still the most difficult clients I've ever had."

You probably didn’t like being a lawyer in the first place.

I liked it a lot, actually—just not enough to want to do it full time anymore. I’d go back if a real part-time opportunity came up, but those don’t really exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

This is actually all parents regardless of employment status - This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Again, there is nothing wrong with not working outside the home. Glad it works for you and your family! No need to be defensive. But as previously pointed out - parents (mostly moms I think) who also have paying jobs manage all of the tasks you mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Whew! Sounds like one half of a weekend day to me. Off to the store!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this serious though? You go to the grocery store every day for an hour? You prep sports equipment every day for an hour? Every day for an hour you set up appointments and respond to family emails??

I don’t see why it’s so terrible for a stay at home parent to admit they have some down time in their day. Of course you do. Great for you. Enjoy it! If you are truly busy all day every day doing what you claim above, it’s just baffling how slow and inefficient you are. Who needs to spend 4-5 hours per week grocery shopping??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

I do ALL of those before and after work. This post is not the mic drop you think it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this serious though? You go to the grocery store every day for an hour? You prep sports equipment every day for an hour? Every day for an hour you set up appointments and respond to family emails??

I don’t see why it’s so terrible for a stay at home parent to admit they have some down time in their day. Of course you do. Great for you. Enjoy it! If you are truly busy all day every day doing what you claim above, it’s just baffling how slow and inefficient you are. Who needs to spend 4-5 hours per week grocery shopping??

These stay at home moms stretch tasks that should take 5 minutes out for hours and then don’t believe anyone could work and have a clean house.