15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

Wrong, but hey, you tried.

We have teenagers, but we also have manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

Raises hand.

I have a problem with this and have a teenager.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you offer her the opportunity to watch TV by herself she’s likely to accept because I imagine her participation in the adult conversation was even more awkward for her than you.

HOWEVER, you need to keep in mind that anytime you offer someone a choice, they may not choose according to your preferences. You need to consider the possibility that after cleaning up the guest room/sitting area and offering her the opportunity to watch TV or privacy for using her phone, she might politely decline and indicate that she’d rather join the adults again in conversation. It also seems awkward to go to a party to sit by yourself doing what you could have done more comfortably at home.

There’s an old saying about making assumptions. Whatever you might feel would be her best choice doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily agree. By all means, offer her whatever options you want, but be prepared for her to have her own opinions.

Of course I am aware of this, but thank you for letting me know. She did ask if we had any finger painting and paper mache supplies available as she felt inspired to create a totem of a bird that was at our feeder, so maybe I’ll make sure to have those supplies ready next time as well.

Okay, I totally agree with you on the HFA now. This is incredibly weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You planned a 4 hour conversation after dinner. Before the adult dinner began, the kids ate. This is a minimum of a 5 hour evening. If I were the new friends I would never come again.

Sounds like that wouldn’t be much of a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 15, I would have 1-million-times rather hung out with adults than pre-teens. I spent many, many evenings chilling with my mom and her long-term bf and other friends over dinner, homework at the kitchen counter while they had drinks (this was before cell phones or other devices).

My 15yo DC is the same way. Any gathering with kids and adults, he heads straight for the adults. And converses nicely with us! I honestly don't censor what we say around him. Maybe I'm just super boring and wouldn't normally talk about things that would be inappropriate for a 15yo ... but really, what is? I don't censor his reading, movies, .... we talk about questionable stuff so that he knows my views on it, but nothing is off limits.

So if you or one of your friends wanted to discuss marital problems or an upcoming hysterectomy, your son would sit there and contribute, and you would allow it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for those who do not know how to behave in public-when you go to a dinner party, at some point the kids leave the adults alone for some adult convo. If your kid has not been exposed to this very normal social dynamic, you have likely offended people in the past. This is like making plans with a girlfriend to take your kids out together and showing up with your husband and kids. It’s not the end of the world, but it goes against others’ expectations for the event and can come off as rude. The kid hangs a little and then makes herself scarce. This is called social graces or manners. No one is saying your kid is not welcome, but the kid need not spend 100 percent of the event with the adults. Catch a clue.

You’re correct, but the howls of overly enmeshed and permissive parents will now commence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. My almost 14 year old is really smart and mature and she enjoys talking to adults (at least, to the ones who enjoy talking to her). She's the favorite student of multiple teachers.

I was also that teenager who loved getting to know adults . . . I had, I'm not kidding, four adult women who all mentored me through church and youth group. I think our society is kind of sad and boring for not being more inter-generational; some cultures do that really well. When DH and I were in our 20s, we made friends with neighbors of all ages, all the way up to their 70s . . .

One of my college professors turned out to be our neighbor and she became one of our closest friends. Her kids were 8 and 11 when we met them, and we got to watch them grow up and offer advice and transition into being friends with them as adults. (I remember doing the math that I was 20 years younger than my professor and 15 years older than her daughter, so technically closer in age to her daughter . . . ) None of this has to be weird unless you make it weird. We're all people.

I'm definitely not saying you needed to talk about Taylor Swift or whatever all night, but if the teen was happy to sit with you and engage rather than staring at her phone, it sounds like she's going to be OK in life!

It's funny to see these alleged adults feeling intimidated by a polite teenager. Says a lot about their insecurities about their own maturity.

Aww, you’re precious. No one is made “insecure” or “intimidated” by your rude kids, who are special to no one except you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to add - is this girl an only child? Only children are often annoying like this. My kids have had only children friends who would always come try to talk to adults instead of their own same age friends. Their parents usually think it’s bc they are more mature, personally I think it’s bc they lack some social skills relating to peers and are used to being catered to by adults they can talk at without negative reactions bc adults are more polite

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to add - is this girl an only child? Only children are often annoying like this. My kids have had only children friends who would always come try to talk to adults instead of their own same age friends. Their parents usually think it’s bc they are more mature, personally I think it’s bc they lack some social skills relating to peers and are used to being catered to by adults they can talk at without negative reactions bc adults are more polite

NP. This is exactly it, except I’ve seen a few non-onlies like this too. The common denominator is the kids have social issues like anxiety, processing disorder, signs of personality disorder, etc and have trouble making friends. Their parents always try to pass it off as the kids are so mature and precocious, but most kids would not choose to hang out with a bunch of 40/50 year olds all night instead of chatting on their phones with friends, for ex.

This is exactly the case with the ridiculous PP claiming people are “insecure” and “intimidated” by her child. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- my friend group and I often host events from approx 5-9pm on Saturday nights. Not sure how this is odd? 5-6 kids play outside and adults chat and enjoy a drink or seltzer, 6-6:30 feed kids, 6:30-7:30 kids play with toys or read inside while adults eat dinner, 7 ish everyone has dessert together, 7:30-9 make a cozy movie area for kids, pop popcorn, adults retreat to the covered porch or living room for another alcohol drink or coffee tea.

That's fine but its not an "adult dinner." I CANNOT wait until you have teens and get a freakin' clue. My sister is smug like you too. Thinks she has it all figured out. Her oldest is 9.

How many times must multiple posters tell you that we HAVE teens and we disagree with you? Talk about smug. Look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 15, I would have 1-million-times rather hung out with adults than pre-teens. I spent many, many evenings chilling with my mom and her long-term bf and other friends over dinner, homework at the kitchen counter while they had drinks (this was before cell phones or other devices).

My 15yo DC is the same way. Any gathering with kids and adults, he heads straight for the adults. And converses nicely with us! I honestly don't censor what we say around him. Maybe I'm just super boring and wouldn't normally talk about things that would be inappropriate for a 15yo ... but really, what is? I don't censor his reading, movies, .... we talk about questionable stuff so that he knows my views on it, but nothing is off limits.

So you may not be censoring, but your friends are certainly not bringing up their own kids' new Prozac prescription, their marriages, their spouse's recent layoff and resulting financial stress, their new boyfriend who they just started sleeping with, and so on. Glad you feel like everyone is happy to talk about White Lotus and Euphoria with ease. No one is sharing personal details around your teen who insists on hanging.

[Anonymous]

^^ just wanted to add that your mom's bff was probably more like an aunt, and I am the one who said before that if both adults are related to the kid, it is different. You don't show up to a random dinner party with a teen no one knows and give them center stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone keep yammering on about the 15 year old babysitting? The kids' parents are right there, there's no need for anyone to babysit. That wasn't what OP was expecting.

No, OP wants the teenager to "go play" with her 11 year old.

Nothing wrong with that, she is a kid after all. She can't find anything fun to do with the other kids.

Do you think everyone under 18 enjoys playing together? It’s like you’re unfamiliar with humans.

Do you think most (other than the weirdly defensive PPs on this thread, who clearly have problematic kids) 40-year-olds enjoy having a high school student horn in on their adult conversation all night? It’s like you’re unfamiliar with humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all!

Im a mom of 3 school aged kids (11 and younger), so Im not really sure what is in the realm of normal behavior for ages 13-18. DH and I have recently started socializing with a couple who has one younger child together and the husband has a 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage. He splits custody of the daughter.

They came over for dinner on the weekend, and I assumed the 15 year old would want to hang in the kid area maybe playing video games with my 11 year old or just doing whatever with the kiddos. Instead, the teen chose to sit with the adults the whole night, first when we were out back drinking and socializing, then throughout dinner being served and eaten (the kids were served earlier), and even until after dinner. The teen interjected into conversation in a mostly appropriate manner, but still.... they are 15. It sort of put a damper on the evening for me as I felt I couldn't be as open with my friends as I usually would without a kid present and engaged.

So my question to this group is, is this normal for the kid to hang with adults all night at their age? Is this something I should expect more as my kids grown older and we continue to socialize at home with other families?

Thanks y'all!

Kids cannot win these days.

They get criticized for always being on their phones or YouTube or Xbox, rather than participating in familial or societal conversations... but now, when one actually prefered to remain with the adults, socializing in a mature, appropriate manner, that gets criticized too? Unbelievable.

OP, you should pray that when your kids are 15, they'll have emulated the same decorum as this polite and mature child.
After all, you can't have it both ways -- you can't be annoyed at her growth & maturity, while also wanting your children to act as properly & respectfully when THEY'RE that age.

That would be incredibly hypocritical of you to do so.

It seems like her parents are raising her right... maybe you should start taking notes?

Uh, no. Her parents fail at basic social decorum. Perhaps they (and you) should start taking notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone keep yammering on about the 15 year old babysitting? The kids' parents are right there, there's no need for anyone to babysit. That wasn't what OP was expecting.

No, OP wants the teenager to "go play" with her 11 year old.

Nothing wrong with that, she is a kid after all. She can't find anything fun to do with the other kids.

Do you think everyone under 18 enjoys playing together? It’s like you’re unfamiliar with humans.

I think it's funny that so many people are arguing that a 15 year is far too old to play with younger children, but that OP, who is likely 25-30 years older than the 15 year old, should be perfectly happy to include her in their conversation.

She doesn’t need to be happy about hanging out with a 15 year old. She doesn’t need to do it again. She asked if the teenager’s behavior was normal, and has found out that it is within the normal range. Case closed.

Except it isn’t normal. Case closed.