SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

What is your household income? What is your debt?

Several of my friends SAH, and they are by no means wealthy. People often lament a lifestyle that they are perfectly capable of changing. But they won’t make the effort or sacrifices. I happen to parent better when I have a break from home life, so I work. I am sacrificing time with my children because I think overall I can parent them better this way. I used to SAH, but it wasn’t working well for our family. I didn’t complain. I found a solution.

You sound jealous and resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

What you are missing here is that for some, and I’m going to bet for many, the false choice isn’t what you think it is. My bet is that a lot of women cannot choose to work because daycare and aftercare are so expensive. I know that was the situation for us. It made no sense for me to keep working. AND, I wanted to be home.

How small a world do you live in? I didn't miss anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

You are placing way to much emphasis on working. No one will care when you die about your employment but how you raise your kids will have a lasting impact for generations to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not>? you should go back to work it will help everyone out

Who is this mysterious “everyone?”

Everyone meaning they want the SAHP to go work at the grocery store, substitute teacher, bus driver or restaurant worker. So, they can keep their privileged life and let others do their menial work for almost no pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

What is your household income? What is your debt?

Several of my friends SAH, and they are by no means wealthy. People often lament a lifestyle that they are perfectly capable of changing. But they won’t make the effort or sacrifices. I happen to parent better when I have a break from home life, so I work. I am sacrificing time with my children because I think overall I can parent them better this way. I used to SAH, but it wasn’t working well for our family. I didn’t complain. I found a solution.

You sound jealous and resentful.

In what ways is jealous and resentful? Someone did what worked best for their family, while recognizing that any decision requires some sacrifice? You seem to be projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

> You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM?

Babies need butts wiped but that ends pretty quick. In fact my DH stayed home with the children when they were babies. But when their butts no longer needed wiping and they were in school and then teenagers and then college students, he went back to work because he wanted to work.

Committing to suddenly having a boss, coworkers and demands could suck. Having to full rushed, running errands on weekends, squeezing in gym time, etc could be a real drag. At least he's honest with himself that if he didn't work when they were in high school it's not because he's choosing his family, he's taking it easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

> You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM?

Babies need butts wiped but that ends pretty quick. In fact my DH stayed home with the children when they were babies. But when their butts no longer needed wiping and they were in school and then teenagers and then college students, he went back to work because he wanted to work.

Committing to suddenly having a boss, coworkers and demands could suck. Having to full rushed, running errands on weekends, squeezing in gym time, etc could be a real drag. At least he's honest with himself that if he didn't work when they were in high school it's not because he's choosing his family, he's taking it easy.

You sound jealous and resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

You are placing way to much emphasis on working. No one will care when you die about your employment but how you raise your kids will have a lasting impact for generations to come.

Sure, but your employment has very little to do with how you raise your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

You are placing way to much emphasis on working. No one will care when you die about your employment but how you raise your kids will have a lasting impact for generations to come.

Sure, but your employment has very little to do with how you raise your kids.

You keep telling yourself that. But the truth is it has everything to do with how you raise your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

So, you are changing diapers and wiping butts while on conference calls? Nannies and daycare workers aren’t actually working? You are doing the EXACT same physical work as a SAHM? Way to demean a whole group of women doing paid and unpaid work. I feel sorry for the caregivers in your children’s lives who apparently do nothing.

Also, the fact that you want to stay home to be lazy says a whole lot more about your work ethic and ambitions than it does about anyone else. You sound like a winner.

You are placing way to much emphasis on working. No one will care when you die about your employment but how you raise your kids will have a lasting impact for generations to come.

Sure, but your employment has very little to do with how you raise your kids.

You keep telling yourself that. But the truth is it has everything to do with how you raise your kids.

I strongly disagree. I think many things matter a lot more than a woman not working. For example, parents who model good behavior, a lack of any substance abuse in the home, no mental illness, education level of the parents etc. I truly don’t think parents working outside of the home matters. The exception would be if it causes a parent to abuse substances or treat their children poorly.

I know so many SAHMs want to think not having a job is a good thing for their kids, but that doesn’t make any sense to me. I have to assume their own spouses work. Other things simply matter more.

FWIW my own mother stayed home and definitely believed a SAHM was best for a family. Now I’m grown with my own kids and I couldn’t disagree more. I’d much rather model a marriage and structure where I have my own identity and life outside of being a mother. I also strongly value a husband who is actively involved as a parent and does 50/50 to run the household.

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand the view that having two full time working parents where one of them is making plenty of money for the other not to work is better for the kids because the parents are "modeling" the value of work and the need for self-realization and fulfillment. What's really being modeled is that the kids are second fiddle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand the view that having two full time working parents where one of them is making plenty of money for the other not to work is better for the kids because the parents are "modeling" the value of work and the need for self-realization and fulfillment. What's really being modeled is that the kids are second fiddle.

Would you think it’s good for a DH to be unemployed? Is that something you think a DH should model to his kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand the view that having two full time working parents where one of them is making plenty of money for the other not to work is better for the kids because the parents are "modeling" the value of work and the need for self-realization and fulfillment. What's really being modeled is that the kids are second fiddle.

You truly don’t understand why it’s a good thing for both spouses to achieve self-realization and fulfillment? Do you think by your DH working he is saying his kids are second fiddle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why humans have this need to seek validity for their choices? Why can’t your choice can be right for you and next person’s choice be right for him? Why we all have to sing one tune?

Because it is falsely presented as a choice. For most people, it isn't.

Slow clap to this. I think what makes me crazy are the SAHMs who demand society give them respect and value when it's really that they just don't want to work and have the means to not work.

I work because I have to. If I had the means, would I stop working? Hell.yeah. And it's not because I want to "raise my children" - I'm raising them now - it's because working when you have to sucks.

What is your household income? What is your debt?

Several of my friends SAH, and they are by no means wealthy. People often lament a lifestyle that they are perfectly capable of changing. But they won’t make the effort or sacrifices. I happen to parent better when I have a break from home life, so I work. I am sacrificing time with my children because I think overall I can parent them better this way. I used to SAH, but it wasn’t working well for our family. I didn’t complain. I found a solution.

You sound jealous and resentful.

May be but definitely disinterested in spending time with the children. Parents don’t know they’ll actually like it or not until they experience it.

[Anonymous]

There is more value in work then income, you get recognition, social outlet, buy things, eat out, chance to dress up, have adult conversation, gossip, flirtation etc. I think it makes one happy and feel appreciated. Just because someone got pregnant, doesn’t mean they want kids or even if they want kids, doesn’t mean they are happy spending their day with them. It’s easier to love if you only see them for an hour or two of waking time.