I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

I think the point is you picked poorly. You chose a lying divorced man who potentially gave you and your baby a sexually transmitted disease.

You could have picked an honest trustworthy baggage/disease free man who hasn't been divorced, and you wouldn't be facing having your baby die from a gross diseased man who lies his f***ing face off.

No, being divorced is not a red flag, that's really stupid. Secondly, he didn't know he was carrying herpes, like the majority of the population who also doesn't know. Let's not turn this into a personality issue. Shaming people for HPV or HSV means you are really naive.

This lady is now carrying herpes and she got it the same way he did , and the way so many people did. Grow up.

Why do you keep saying he didn't know? He 100% knew. He had multiple. Positive. Tests. You're delusional.

[Anonymous]

OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

You are not overreacting at all.
I can't imagine the person who tells a pregnant woman who, along with her baby, was exposed to a permanent disease, which has major implications for life, that they are overreacting. This person is infected themselves and projecting their fears onto you and how you treat your bf. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't tell people they are infected and think it's totes fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

You ARE reacting a lot more intensely than other people would. That is the point. You feel how you feel but it is not the only possible option here. You are being very dramatic and it is not clear that it is warranted. He told you the truth but just not on the timeline you wanted.

Again if you want to lose custody of your baby 50% of the time because you prefer to play the victim instead of working things out, go ahead.

Emphatically wrong. She's reacting more than perhaps you would, but she's not reacting more intensely than the average person. I don't think the average person is thrilled to learn their partner has been lying to them about having an STD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

I think the point is you picked poorly. You chose a lying divorced man who potentially gave you and your baby a sexually transmitted disease.

You could have picked an honest trustworthy baggage/disease free man who hasn't been divorced, and you wouldn't be facing having your baby die from a gross diseased man who lies his f***ing face off.

No, being divorced is not a red flag, that's really stupid. Secondly, he didn't know he was carrying herpes, like the majority of the population who also doesn't know. Let's not turn this into a personality issue. Shaming people for HPV or HSV means you are really naive.

This lady is now carrying herpes and she got it the same way he did , and the way so many people did. Grow up.

Do most people get herpes by their partner lying to them about it? You know that fraud negates consent. This is sexual assault. And can be pursued with charges. Your lackadaisical attitude and denigration to OP over feeling upset about this is wildly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go into counseling OP, you are too emotional right now to think clearly and to make decisions. I wouldn't make a recommendation with regard to splitting up your new family without a lot of time and education first. You are just mad and that isn't a reason to leave this now. There’s a hundred reasons why this happened and it's not really about deception, the way you are making it sound like. There's a lot missing here, and you need to do the work for your baby now. Good luck, dear.

1) being mad about your man lying to you and infecting you with a lifelong disease is 100% enough reason to leave.
2) it's deception at BEST

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

1 in 6 people have HSV 1 or 2 of the genitals. Fun fact you can also be infected with 1 or 2 orally.

That’s pretty common, endemic really.

The doctor will have seen this before. They will test you, and if you are positive they will monitor you to make sure you don’t have an active infection at delivery time, if so they will deliver via c-section.

Most people who have it have no idea that they do. They might have only one very mild outbreak and then never have another. A woman because of anatomy could easily be infected and not know.

If he tested positive after having sec with you it’s entirely possible that you gave it to him.

Your husband is a coward with character issues. Oh well. Calm down and focus on having a healthy baby. Stress is bad for the baby. Begin a single mom is no joke, especially to a newborn. He can’t be all that bad if you married him. So do your best to not think of the worst and put your trust in your medical care to do right by you and your baby.

Omg more delusions to protect this guy. Not only do people not even bother to read, they just make random sh*t up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into counseling OP, you are too emotional right now to think clearly and to make decisions. I wouldn't make a recommendation with regard to splitting up your new family without a lot of time and education first. You are just mad and that isn't a reason to leave this now. There’s a hundred reasons why this happened and it's not really about deception, the way you are making it sound like. There's a lot missing here, and you need to do the work for your baby now. Good luck, dear.

1) being mad about your man lying to you and infecting you with a lifelong disease is 100% enough reason to leave.
2) it's deception at BEST

Sorry, he didn't lie. He didn't understand his results at first. He never presented. He did understand later and told her, albiet late, but they already had sex, already became pregnant, so what would have changed. I mean he's clearly upset about it, this isn't something intentional. He was just naive. So was she, so come on.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into counseling OP, you are too emotional right now to think clearly and to make decisions. I wouldn't make a recommendation with regard to splitting up your new family without a lot of time and education first. You are just mad and that isn't a reason to leave this now. There’s a hundred reasons why this happened and it's not really about deception, the way you are making it sound like. There's a lot missing here, and you need to do the work for your baby now. Good luck, dear.

1) being mad about your man lying to you and infecting you with a lifelong disease is 100% enough reason to leave.
2) it's deception at BEST

Sorry, he didn't lie. He didn't understand his results at first. He never presented. He did understand later and told her, albiet late, but they already had sex, already became pregnant, so what would have changed. I mean he's clearly upset about it, this isn't something intentional. He was just naive. So was she, so come on.

Do you know what a lie is? He has two positive tests and didn't tell her, and you want to say he wasn't lying? Of course he lied. Sure he did tell her, eventually. But he knew. For 4 years. And then again in jan 2025. And then he had unprotected sex with her (sexual assault). And then he got her pregnant. And then he proposed. And then he told her. I can't think of any way he could be a bigger fucking liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

Cool story but HSV-1 doesn’t turn into HsV-2 it’s one or the other. She could get HSV-1 on her genitals though.

[Anonymous]

^^ He waited until he thought she was stuck before telling. This is the same playbook that abusers use before dropping the mask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

Cool story but HSV-1 doesn’t turn into HsV-2 it’s one or the other. She could get HSV-1 on her genitals though.

You're right. That's how she told it to me, and maybe it's because she was so distraught, but I just looked it up, and you are correct. BTW, it's not a "cool story." She was absolutly devastated, it caused her to sink into a deep depression, and because (of course) she is open and honest with men, she hasn't had a meaningful relationship in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

If there is one thing I have learned from this thread it’s that people with HSV-2 love to tell people that everyone has it and its no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

Cool story but HSV-1 doesn’t turn into HsV-2 it’s one or the other. She could get HSV-1 on her genitals though.

You're right. That's how she told it to me, and maybe it's because she was so distraught, but I just looked it up, and you are correct. BTW, it's not a "cool story." She was absolutly devastated, it caused her to sink into a deep depression, and because (of course) she is open and honest with men, she hasn't had a meaningful relationship in 10 years.

You should tell her that there are dating sites specifically for this. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about someone judging her/ not wanting to be in a relationship with her for it.