What I’m noticing from millennial high achieving moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

What was staying home with your third like? Mine are 6, 3, and a baby and I’m debating taking a few years off until my youngest goes to prek or kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

What was staying home with your third like? Mine are 6, 3, and a baby and I’m debating taking a few years off until my youngest goes to prek or kindergarten.

I loved it! I will cherish my time home with my kids forever.

The five years with my older two while working were just a blur. I, too, have some great photos with them. I didn’t use social media back then. I was just trying to survive back then working, getting home, bedtime, checking on emails before bed. This may also have to do with having two kids two years apart so it was a handful. I had no time for myself. Not time for DH or friends. I was just exhausted all the time.

I was able to truly enjoy my time with my third. I made new friends. I feel like I started a new life when I stopped working of being very involved at the school(s) and community. I invested time in making friends and building relationships.

I have a lovely home. I host a lot. We are the hang out house and I know all my kids’ friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

What was staying home with your third like? Mine are 6, 3, and a baby and I’m debating taking a few years off until my youngest goes to prek or kindergarten.

I loved it! I will cherish my time home with my kids forever.

The five years with my older two while working were just a blur. I, too, have some great photos with them. I didn’t use social media back then. I was just trying to survive back then working, getting home, bedtime, checking on emails before bed. This may also have to do with having two kids two years apart so it was a handful. I had no time for myself. Not time for DH or friends. I was just exhausted all the time.

I was able to truly enjoy my time with my third. I made new friends. I feel like I started a new life when I stopped working of being very involved at the school(s) and community. I invested time in making friends and building relationships.

I have a lovely home. I host a lot. We are the hang out house and I know all my kids’ friends.

Sounds so nice! Glad it has been a great decision for your family.

[Anonymous]

I'm an older millennial (and DH is technically gen z). We stopped at two kids. In many marriages, my "small law" career would support a family, but DH is the higher earner, and my income goes toward savings and the nanny's salary. DH travels extensively during certain periods. We have a long-term nanny, even as the kids get older, who we house in one of our rental properties. I don't want to say she's "like family" because I like that her role is clearly defined apart from our family, but we take very good care of her, and she cares for our kids as if they were her own. We have run a bunch of marathons between us and fit some of the other stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial (and DH is technically gen z). We stopped at two kids. In many marriages, my "small law" career would support a family, but DH is the higher earner, and my income goes toward savings and the nanny's salary. DH travels extensively during certain periods. We have a long-term nanny, even as the kids get older, who we house in one of our rental properties. I don't want to say she's "like family" because I like that her role is clearly defined apart from our family, but we take very good care of her, and she cares for our kids as if they were her own. We have run a bunch of marathons between us and fit some of the other stereotypes.

* Sorry, DH is technically Gen X, not Gen Z. We're both hovering at the crossover point between generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1983 so older than OP. Know lots of dual big-law partners with 3 kids from my graduating class alone. It's definitely a flex. No idea who is raising them.

Probably the grandparents. Which I think is the best of both worlds for those who can make it work.

As long a the grandparents are enjoying it. Otherwise the situation sounds like a modern version of Willa Cather's short story Old Mrs. Harris where (according to Cather) sourthern grandmothers basically worked themselves to death keeping house for their daughters who were expected to basically be showpieces and keep up the family social life. Cather painted an incredibly depressing picture; I wouldn't want to put my mom in that situation.

It’s nannies raising them. In the best case you have a very involved grandmother. I know one family in our HCOL suburb where the grandmother lives with the family and helps. Parents are .1% with generational wealth coming from father’s side, but it’s less that they are slaving away and more due to dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

So your hot take is that quitting your job after having a third child somehow made it so that your children don’t have social anxiety or special needs. I’d love to understand what quackery got you to that conclusion. Was it that you had more time to swim with them in Rock Creek Park when they were young or was it that you had more time to filter fluoride out of their drinking water?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial (and DH is technically gen z). We stopped at two kids. In many marriages, my "small law" career would support a family, but DH is the higher earner, and my income goes toward savings and the nanny's salary. DH travels extensively during certain periods. We have a long-term nanny, even as the kids get older, who we house in one of our rental properties. I don't want to say she's "like family" because I like that her role is clearly defined apart from our family, but we take very good care of her, and she cares for our kids as if they were her own. We have run a bunch of marathons between us and fit some of the other stereotypes.

I used to have one of those Nannie’s. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum. I hated it when the day came when the kid preferred nanny to me or didn’t cry for me. I’m sure that means that I had a great nanny. It is an awful feeling for a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

So your hot take is that quitting your job after having a third child somehow made it so that your children don’t have social anxiety or special needs. I’d love to understand what quackery got you to that conclusion. Was it that you had more time to swim with them in Rock Creek Park when they were young or was it that you had more time to filter fluoride out of their drinking water?

DP but I didn't get any of that from PP. She had a follow up post where she talks about how the early years with her older two kids and working full time were a blur and might have looked good from the outside (cute pics of the kids, etc.) but it was really hard, and it's been better for HER to be home with them. I don't get the sense she's saying her kids have no issues.

As someone who has worked and stayed home as well, what I've learned is that everyone's family has issues, and you just need some kind of plan for addressing them. Anyone's kid can have SNs or social issues. A SAHP who actually likes that role could make that experience a lot easier on their family, but extended family, a great nanny, two partners working jobs with good work-life balance could be a better solution for other families. It just depends.

We have no help from extended family and don't make enough money to pay for a great nanny or other help, so for us, me staying home certain years was huge for helping us weather the tough times with kids better. We made the best choice for our circumstances. If our kids had other adults in their lives who were core supports, we might have made a different choice.

Everyone is just doing the best they can. Some people have more and better resources than others, and people have different personalities, kids, and marriages, so of course not everyone makes the same choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

So your hot take is that quitting your job after having a third child somehow made it so that your children don’t have social anxiety or special needs. I’d love to understand what quackery got you to that conclusion. Was it that you had more time to swim with them in Rock Creek Park when they were young or was it that you had more time to filter fluoride out of their drinking water?

DP but I didn't get any of that from PP. She had a follow up post where she talks about how the early years with her older two kids and working full time were a blur and might have looked good from the outside (cute pics of the kids, etc.) but it was really hard, and it's been better for HER to be home with them. I don't get the sense she's saying her kids have no issues.

As someone who has worked and stayed home as well, what I've learned is that everyone's family has issues, and you just need some kind of plan for addressing them. Anyone's kid can have SNs or social issues. A SAHP who actually likes that role could make that experience a lot easier on their family, but extended family, a great nanny, two partners working jobs with good work-life balance could be a better solution for other families. It just depends.

We have no help from extended family and don't make enough money to pay for a great nanny or other help, so for us, me staying home certain years was huge for helping us weather the tough times with kids better. We made the best choice for our circumstances. If our kids had other adults in their lives who were core supports, we might have made a different choice.

Everyone is just doing the best they can. Some people have more and better resources than others, and people have different personalities, kids, and marriages, so of course not everyone makes the same choices.

It’s quoted above…but putting it here for people you: “Those moms who seem like super moms have husbands who lose their jobs, are divorcing, their kids have special needs and social anxiety…”

She’s a Gen X (“older forties”) whose personality is literally “schadenfreude”. Why is she posting on a high achieving millennial moms thread that women juggling kids and jobs will eventually suffer through cheating spouses and kids’ mental health issues? It’s dark, mean, and incorrect. I can only imagine that a lack of self awareness and insecurity would make someone post this type of garbage.

[Anonymous]

Just remember that even people who seem to “have it all” have experienced setbacks or made sacrifices somewhere along the line. Everything comes with a price, and you might be surprised how many of these folks would do things differently if they could do it all over again.

I’m talking sacrificing relationships to advance in a career, sacrificing family time to train for marathon 25, and signing up for a lifetime of paying off debt because they have to have the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood.

There’s much less to envy than you may think in many cases…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial (and DH is technically gen z). We stopped at two kids. In many marriages, my "small law" career would support a family, but DH is the higher earner, and my income goes toward savings and the nanny's salary. DH travels extensively during certain periods. We have a long-term nanny, even as the kids get older, who we house in one of our rental properties. I don't want to say she's "like family" because I like that her role is clearly defined apart from our family, but we take very good care of her, and she cares for our kids as if they were her own. We have run a bunch of marathons between us and fit some of the other stereotypes.

I used to have one of those Nannie’s. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum. I hated it when the day came when the kid preferred nanny to me or didn’t cry for me. I’m sure that means that I had a great nanny. It is an awful feeling for a mother.

I'm the PP who wrote the post about our nanny. I've had those days. I've wondered if I should quit. I'm not sure if I made the right choice to continue working, as we no longer need my income. I rarely take time for myself because I want to give every extra moment to my daughter (my son is too old and cool for me now).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are wasting all their time on work rather than raising their children then they aren’t high achieving.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

So your hot take is that quitting your job after having a third child somehow made it so that your children don’t have social anxiety or special needs. I’d love to understand what quackery got you to that conclusion. Was it that you had more time to swim with them in Rock Creek Park when they were young or was it that you had more time to filter fluoride out of their drinking water?

DP but I didn't get any of that from PP. She had a follow up post where she talks about how the early years with her older two kids and working full time were a blur and might have looked good from the outside (cute pics of the kids, etc.) but it was really hard, and it's been better for HER to be home with them. I don't get the sense she's saying her kids have no issues.

As someone who has worked and stayed home as well, what I've learned is that everyone's family has issues, and you just need some kind of plan for addressing them. Anyone's kid can have SNs or social issues. A SAHP who actually likes that role could make that experience a lot easier on their family, but extended family, a great nanny, two partners working jobs with good work-life balance could be a better solution for other families. It just depends.

We have no help from extended family and don't make enough money to pay for a great nanny or other help, so for us, me staying home certain years was huge for helping us weather the tough times with kids better. We made the best choice for our circumstances. If our kids had other adults in their lives who were core supports, we might have made a different choice.

Everyone is just doing the best they can. Some people have more and better resources than others, and people have different personalities, kids, and marriages, so of course not everyone makes the same choices.

It’s quoted above…but putting it here for people you: “Those moms who seem like super moms have husbands who lose their jobs, are divorcing, their kids have special needs and social anxiety…”

She’s a Gen X (“older forties”) whose personality is literally “schadenfreude”. Why is she posting on a high achieving millennial moms thread that women juggling kids and jobs will eventually suffer through cheating spouses and kids’ mental health issues? It’s dark, mean, and incorrect. I can only imagine that a lack of self awareness and insecurity would make someone post this type of garbage.

DP.

PP explained what the first PP meant really well. If you still don’t understand, you are clearly one of the growing number of American adults who is functionally illiterate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

Ah that’s because you’re still relatively young. The third kid usually comes in the later 30s. Especially the baby girl with two older brothers. I’m 39 and there’s a lot of “2 close in age and then a 3rd when the younger is around 4-5.”

The “two careers” thing is common with only one kid but by the time kid 2 or 3 enters the picture, someone is ready to lean out to a part time job, or to government from private industry/Biglaw. All the rest is extremely true and is also true of older Millennials. There is also a lot of family financial support going on. Even in higher earning couples. Grandparents help pay for an additional nanny or private pre-K-12 and contribute the max to the college savings account.

I thought I wrote this for a second. I had two kids and DH and I both had big careers. I ended up taking a break and stayed home with my third kid. I have a five age gap between my second and third kid. I had first two kids in my early thirties and third kid at age 39.

OP still has young kids. This is doable with a good nanny. Juggling 3+ kids with a spouse who has a demanding schedule is not easy.

We are in our late forties now. Those women who seemed like super moms are now divorcing, have husbands who cheat, husbands who lose their jobs, kids who have special needs or anxiety or social problems. Everyone has problems not shown on social media.

Early years when kids wear adorable outfits on vacation to post on social media does not always continue in another decade.

So your hot take is that quitting your job after having a third child somehow made it so that your children don’t have social anxiety or special needs. I’d love to understand what quackery got you to that conclusion. Was it that you had more time to swim with them in Rock Creek Park when they were young or was it that you had more time to filter fluoride out of their drinking water?

DP but I didn't get any of that from PP. She had a follow up post where she talks about how the early years with her older two kids and working full time were a blur and might have looked good from the outside (cute pics of the kids, etc.) but it was really hard, and it's been better for HER to be home with them. I don't get the sense she's saying her kids have no issues.

As someone who has worked and stayed home as well, what I've learned is that everyone's family has issues, and you just need some kind of plan for addressing them. Anyone's kid can have SNs or social issues. A SAHP who actually likes that role could make that experience a lot easier on their family, but extended family, a great nanny, two partners working jobs with good work-life balance could be a better solution for other families. It just depends.

We have no help from extended family and don't make enough money to pay for a great nanny or other help, so for us, me staying home certain years was huge for helping us weather the tough times with kids better. We made the best choice for our circumstances. If our kids had other adults in their lives who were core supports, we might have made a different choice.

Everyone is just doing the best they can. Some people have more and better resources than others, and people have different personalities, kids, and marriages, so of course not everyone makes the same choices.

It’s quoted above…but putting it here for people you: “Those moms who seem like super moms have husbands who lose their jobs, are divorcing, their kids have special needs and social anxiety…”

She’s a Gen X (“older forties”) whose personality is literally “schadenfreude”. Why is she posting on a high achieving millennial moms thread that women juggling kids and jobs will eventually suffer through cheating spouses and kids’ mental health issues? It’s dark, mean, and incorrect. I can only imagine that a lack of self awareness and insecurity would make someone post this type of garbage.

I think it was misstated. Parents of working moms and stay at home moms can both end up with issues. I say this as a working parent - my kids spend a lot of time with our nanny and to me, it’s not ideal. My job flexibility is going away as more companies push RTO and I might quit, which would be a financial sacrifice - I don’t want to be away from my kids 12 hours a day. Right now I’m holed up at my computer working for 9 of those, but I save my commute hours and I have a pulse on things at home.

I’m a working mom with a kid who has special needs (and another kid who is typically developing). Most of my friends work and their kids don’t have special needs. My older sister is gen x and those with sahps are just as likely to have anxiety and eating disorders as the kids with the working parents. Everyone’s got their stuff. Barring a kid with special needs, the question is what the parent wants out of life and if the family can afford a sahp.