The helicopter parents won - a look back

[Anonymous]

this is also known as sending your kids to a good private school. i mean - of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are defining college admission as the "end game." Check back when your kid and their peers are 30 - or 40. It really is a marathon and the end is nowhere near age 18.

+1 the journey to adulthood and independent living is just beginning….

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:To OP's original post, I have the exact same feeling. I had no idea that only doing swim 2 days a week and summer meant my child would never make the high school team (which is apparently reserved for future Olympians). Similarly so many other doors are closed because I was afraid of being a tiger mom or pushing too hard or whatever. But those kids are all excelling and playing on teams and taking advanced courses. I don't think the problem is that we didn't push (I don't actually think that's good for kids) so much as that our system rewards that kind of parenting.

Why does your kid need to be on the high school swim team? Is the real problem that there aren’t rec teams that kids can be on to enjoy swimming? Or do you feel like you need HS swimming on your kid’s resume for college apps?

Because it is really fun/lifetime memories playing on a high school team - and unfortunate if you can’t experience that (if you want to)

You can also form memories playing on a rec team. The reality is not everyone makes the HS team. My husband would have loved to play basketball in high school, but he is short. Thems the breaks.

I’m sure that would look great on your college application.

My kid is playing rec basketball in 7th and the remaining kids are all pretty bad. All the good kids have moved on to travel and AAU. Now my kid is trying out for the higher level teams as well.

My other son played rec soccer his entire life. By 7th, the good kids all played travel. Many kids stopped soccer to focus on their other sports. His 7th grade rec soccer team was so bad. DS said his team was full of unathletic kids their parents forced to sign up for a sport. He stopped playing soccer after that season.

A child’s life is not a series of activities that will or will not look good on a college application. What is wrong with you? It never occurred to you that the kids in the red program are enjoying the activity. No worries about pushy parents taking notes to review with him later, no worries about who is the best, the worst, whatever. You and your husband have very negative takes on things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every day, I read another post on here that makes me extra grateful for my academically and athletically average kids, who are happy, kind and on the path to becoming thoughtful, autonomous adults. It used to give me a little bit of anxiety thinking that they likely won’t have a shot at top colleges, but the more time I spend here, the better I feel about it. Life is short. Enjoy your kids while you have them with you. Don’t use words like “results” to measure your brief time with them. They’re only just beginning.

So much this!! Our kids need love and our time not constant criticizing and measuring/comparing them to others.

I don’t work so I can spend time with my kids. I agree that the time we have with them is brief.

My mentality is different though. I want to give them the tools to be successful in life. If they weren’t doing their academics, sports and activities, they would be playing more video games.

My parents were immigrants and didn’t have the tools to assist me. My kids are extremely well rounded, well traveled and loved. My immigrant parents loved me just as much. They did the best they could.

This... my kids are still young but the parents I know who are resistant to activities and insist that kids need all of this 'free time' really mean that THEY need a ton of free time. They are not filling all of this time with quality parent child interactions or family time. They have their kids home playing video games at 5 years old or their 1 year old watching videos on their cell phone at the brewery. I'm all for lower pressure surrounding extracurriculars but these sanctimonious parents who act like they're doing their kids some favor by having zero activities are full of it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

+1. Way overrated. We were poor and I’m exposing my kid to all the opportunities and extracurriculars that I never had. He still has free time to play. If he had a choice, his free time would all be on screens but we limit that.

[Anonymous]

I would have liked the opportunity to try a sports, but physically it wasn't in the cards, but I enjoyed what I did have and personally, my free time wasn't boring at least to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

+1. Way overrated. We were poor and I’m exposing my kid to all the opportunities and extracurriculars that I never had. He still has free time to play. If he had a choice, his free time would all be on screens but we limit that.

I watched a lot of tv, wandered around outside with my friends and witnessed a lot of poor behavior. This was nothing to be envious of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

+1. Way overrated. We were poor and I’m exposing my kid to all the opportunities and extracurriculars that I never had. He still has free time to play. If he had a choice, his free time would all be on screens but we limit that.

I watched a lot of tv, wandered around outside with my friends and witnessed a lot of poor behavior. This was nothing to be envious of.

Given that you're not allowed to let kids roam anymore, lest some busybody call the cops, structured activities it is. Probably the same people saying kids need all this down time would be the first to call the cops if they saw 2 kids walking to the park together without a parent. Can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

+1. Way overrated. We were poor and I’m exposing my kid to all the opportunities and extracurriculars that I never had. He still has free time to play. If he had a choice, his free time would all be on screens but we limit that.

I watched a lot of tv, wandered around outside with my friends and witnessed a lot of poor behavior. This was nothing to be envious of.

Given that you're not allowed to let kids roam anymore, lest some busybody call the cops, structured activities it is. Probably the same people saying kids need all this down time would be the first to call the cops if they saw 2 kids walking to the park together without a parent. Can't win.

Might want to look for a better place to live if this is the case where you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To OP's original post, I have the exact same feeling. I had no idea that only doing swim 2 days a week and summer meant my child would never make the high school team (which is apparently reserved for future Olympians). Similarly so many other doors are closed because I was afraid of being a tiger mom or pushing too hard or whatever. But those kids are all excelling and playing on teams and taking advanced courses. I don't think the problem is that we didn't push (I don't actually think that's good for kids) so much as that our system rewards that kind of parenting.

Why does your kid need to be on the high school swim team? Is the real problem that there aren’t rec teams that kids can be on to enjoy swimming? Or do you feel like you need HS swimming on your kid’s resume for college apps?

Because it is really fun/lifetime memories playing on a high school team - and unfortunate if you can’t experience that (if you want to)

You can also form memories playing on a rec team. The reality is not everyone makes the HS team. My husband would have loved to play basketball in high school, but he is short. Thems the breaks.

I’m sure that would look great on your college application.

My kid is playing rec basketball in 7th and the remaining kids are all pretty bad. All the good kids have moved on to travel and AAU. Now my kid is trying out for the higher level teams as well.

My other son played rec soccer his entire life. By 7th, the good kids all played travel. Many kids stopped soccer to focus on their other sports. His 7th grade rec soccer team was so bad. DS said his team was full of unathletic kids their parents forced to sign up for a sport. He stopped playing soccer after that season.

Yeah but all the rec teams at middle or high school level are equally bad so at least being bad doesn’t necessarily mean your team always loses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Parents will complain about their kids free time, if they have free time all they'll do is stare at a screen. But, excessive screen time is still an option with their kid. It should be pretty simple to fix this. Kids need to figure out what to do without screens and organized activities.

Well, back in my day kids were drinking, smoking and having sex. Should we go back to that?

No of course not, but not all kids back in the day or now will do that either.

What's wrong with the activities? You'd prefer they do anything but that without saying why?

Nothing wrong with organized activities if kids really want them. But, kids are overscheduled and do need to learn what to do without so many activities and screens.

Kids are over scheduled? How so? And why do they need to learn to do without a schedule? Is your life unscheduled? Also what age are you talking about 6 or 16?

Kids are busier than ever before with activities and add on hw on top of that. Never mind the fact that alot of parents don't seem to value kids having free time anymore. Yes, it is important for kids to have free time and manage free time without always having something on a schedule .

Why? What is so very important about this?

What's not important about kids needing free time and learning how to manage it and boredom?

I can't really think of much. No kids is booked solid 7 days a week. There is always down time. I had a lot of down time as a kid and was frequently bored. Mostly because my mom was too lazy to drive me anywhere or sign me up for things that were "inconvenient" for her. I don't think I'm better off for it.

My parents never signed me up for anything. We never went anywhere. I had a loving stable home and we went to church. I didn’t even know I was missing out on anything. I knew kids who went to Spain for spring break and went to Hilton Head in the summer. There was a girl at my school who was a really good tennis player. She was smart, pretty, nice and rich. Most kids were just average but I remember the rich tennis playing girl.

My kids do everything I never had the opportunity to do. I don’t feel bad this one bit.

Yep, my husband and I grew up the same. So we make a point of exposing our kids to all sorts of activities, thinks we wished our parents did for us. All that "down time" is overrated. We watched a lot of TV, the way kids play video games or TikTok now. It was not time well spent.

+1. Way overrated. We were poor and I’m exposing my kid to all the opportunities and extracurriculars that I never had. He still has free time to play. If he had a choice, his free time would all be on screens but we limit that.

I watched a lot of tv, wandered around outside with my friends and witnessed a lot of poor behavior. This was nothing to be envious of.

Given that you're not allowed to let kids roam anymore, lest some busybody call the cops, structured activities it is. Probably the same people saying kids need all this down time would be the first to call the cops if they saw 2 kids walking to the park together without a parent. Can't win.

Might want to look for a better place to live if this is the case where you are.

Oh like go back to my country? Because that's how it is here, everywhere. Most of this freedom and down time was with latch key kids. Tell me how many latch key kids there are now? I will tell you there are none. They are all at after care now having structured activities. Because you can't let kids go home to an empty house anymore.