Most young men are single - most young women are not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that articles like these always frame the issue as some deficiency or failing with men, whereas when a demographic trend is unfavorable for women it is usually externalized, attributed to some outside force or...blamed on men again.

We need to start being honest about how held-preferences, individual action and societal forces are combining to foment these trends.

It's easy to just resort to bludgeoning men, but I don't think it's the answer long term.

I do think the answer is with men. My dh was raised by his parents to be a full partner: work, cook, clean, love children, remember holidays. So many men just weren't. They basically think all they need to do is get a job. Showing up doesn't count anymore for men. Women do it all and men need to step up. I'm raising my sons to do better.

I have both sons and daughters and I also think schools play a role. They are geared towards girls who sit better and don't need as much activity.

Schools have more movement, moving around, and movement breaks than they did when we were in school. I think the problem is the opposite, that schools expect a lot from girls but have low expectations of boys and low requirements. And therefore low results.

What I saw in the suburbs was that parents were very complacent wrt their boys. My kid's friends, other that Asian friends, didn't really care about grades and even though we know how hard it is to get in to good colleges, the parents of boys just assumed the old male entitlement would save their boys and they would get in the good schools just because.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the US just poised to become like South Korea and Japan where a large percentage of young people do not date, have sex, marry or have children? Why not just look at those countries. We are having the same issues - it’s just delayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t the US just poised to become like South Korea and Japan where a large percentage of young people do not date, have sex, marry or have children? Why not just look at those countries. We are having the same issues - it’s just delayed.

It's pretty much every industrialized country. Even China has a demographics problem. Pretty much all of Europe too. Poor people just reproduce a lot more. When people have wealth and education, they have less kids. I do think it is a function of religion too. The more educated people become, the less they believe in religion. Virtually every religion out there tells people that they have to start families, but societies they become more secular have less kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t the US just poised to become like South Korea and Japan where a large percentage of young people do not date, have sex, marry or have children? Why not just look at those countries. We are having the same issues - it’s just delayed.

I should also add that Korea's child birthrate is bad. Like really really bad. Worse than Japan's. I don't think the US will ever drop to the catastrophic birthrates like Korea has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the same for African American women, yet we still find ways to thrive.

This!

And no one gives us consideration, empathy, nor shown any concern regarding our singlehood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the same for African American women, yet we still find ways to thrive.

This!

And no one gives us consideration, empathy, nor shown any concern regarding our singlehood.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30M here and I'll give my perspective, I don't think there's one single cause but a huge one is the prevalence of dating apps. A lot of these articles ignore how dating apps have risen to become the dominant way that singles are meeting these days, and they are extremely unfavorable to men who are not in the top 5-10% looks bracket. I never see this mentioned in any of the published commentary on this topic but it's intensely talked about on various internet forums.

I don't believe the main issue is education or income, as I know plenty of men who are above average in this area and they still struggle immensely to meet women because they aren't particularly good looking (not ugly, just not tall/hot/ripped) and they have zero outlets to meet women in person, so they go on Tinder or Hinge and get ignored... as in can't even get a single date. These are guys in their 20's/early 30's who have advanced degrees making 200-300k.

On dating apps a small cohort of good looking men are monopolizing access to women, IMO the problem lies in how they force you to evaluate a partner on looks and nothing more. With men, this isn't much of a problem because men already prioritized looks before dating apps. With women, it is a problem because women by nature are more multi faceted in evaluating a potential partner. But when women use dating apps they are FORCED to only choose men on looks which isn't something they would normally do in person, and it turns out that when women are judging men on looks alone they tend to be much more ruthless and can only find a small % of the male population good enough. Men can find a broad range of women visually attractive, but women can only find a small percent of men visually attractive (if they know nothing about the guy).

It's now become socially unacceptable, or just too risky, to approach women in many real life situations. As a result, men are flooding to dating apps where 80-90% just can't compete.

This is one of the few posts on this thread that I think added something important. This does sound correct and is not something I previously considered. Especially now that meeting women at work is more risky — if you don’t meet a woman in college, it really does become hard to meet a woman and have her get to know your personality. And women are often as attracted by personality as anything else. We need more things like clubs and activities for young people. Certain religious or ethnic groups are really good at that—but most Americans don’t have that.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know what? Women had to work like crazy to break into professional careers, network, wear power suits and work there a$$es off. We had to learn all the rules of the men’s club in order to get a foot in (after centuries of being treated like chattel). Give me an effing break with this nonsense that men can no longer figure out how to be successful. [/quote]

Okay.

Just ignore the mass shootings, overdoses. Also ignore the lousy women managers and unhappy single parents. You worked hard and got yours. [/quote]
WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMEN TO DO? [/quote]

Stop going to college and grad school and stop pursuing careers, so they’ll once again have to rely on men to put roofs over their heads.[/quote]

You mean like whining about college debt and dumping it off on the taxpayer men who did not go to college? Don't kid yourself, you are still relying on men. In more ways than you realize.[/quote]

I wasn’t aware debt relief was only available to women. Oh, that’s right it’s available to men and women. Also, there are always “handouts” from the government for everything. Farmers get bailed out all the time. College graduates pay more in taxes. People without kids pay for schools. People pay for Medicaid for people that don’t earn enough (like people that don’t go to college).[/quote]

Women hold the vast majority of college debt, genius. And a bunch of those government programs are just indirect wealth transfers from men to women. Strong, don't need no man, women.[/quote]
Taxpayers pay a whole 4 year college tuition just for one prison inmate per year, the vast majority of whom are GUESS? male.

[Anonymous]

We need to regulate the dating market yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Most young men are single

Good for them. Unlike women, men don't base their entire self worth on whether the opposite sex deems them worthy of "a relationship."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a lazy white man problem. I'm first gen immigrant and have two sons - one is in med school, the other one sophomore at MIT. In my house I didn't allow Bs and laziness. They both know how to cook, clean after themselves, and fix things around the house. They are happy, well adjusted young adults with friends and they have girlfriends. I have 3 brothers and 8 male cousins and the only one who is single is broke and a drunk.

This is why I only date immigrants. If men from Iran and Pakistan of all places can figure out how to be masculine without being brutes, there's no reason why American men can't. I truly do not understand.

And they all know how to cook and clean, and they even wipe their as--s.

I'm the 1st gen immigrant mom so your post made me realize that three of my neighbors (wasp women) are married to very successful POC men. One to an Indian surgeon, one to a Korean dentist, and one to a big law partner who was born in the Caribbean.

I don't understand how this is relevant. Do you know if they cook and clean and contribute when they aren't at work? I am white and married to a south asian guy, and he's doing very little except bringing home money. This seems to be very typical. I feel bad for the immigrant women because their husbands do even less than mine. They think he's a super dad because he does basic stuff like bring them on a walk without me or I go out and do stuff without the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Most young men are single

Good for them. Unlike women, men don't base their entire self worth on whether the opposite sex deems them worthy of "a relationship."

+1

[Anonymous]

Why should women date if abortion ges outlawed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also - men never leave women. It's always the woman who leaves the man. Maybe not 100% of the time - but nearly.

Important to note that this does not mean men do not precipitate the end of the relationship. Women leave because of infidelity, loss of interest, unequal childcare and housework, and lack of emotional presence of support... by men. Men are willing to maintain a crappy relationship because they still get stuff out of it -- free childcare, a nicer home, financial stability, access to sex or affection. Women leave because they are giving more than they are getting, and realize they could do the same amount of work but be more personally fulfilled on their own.

x 100 Men are also monkey barrers—will wreck havoc but won’t actually leave unless/until they have someone else lined up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought two-thirds of teenage girls were suicidal? I wonder if maybe these phenomena the press keeps reporting are overblown or inaccurate.

One-third of teen girls are depressed and have contemplated suicide.

As of 2022, Pew Research Center found, 30 percent of U.S. adults are neither married, living with a partner nor engaged in a committed relationship. Nearly half of all young adults are single: 34 percent of women, and a whopping 63 percent of men.

Not to be dense, but... how? Assuming a rate of homosexuality or bisexuality of 15%, who are the 66% of coupled women coupled with, if only 37% of men are coupled?

The article mentions this. They are puzzled by the math too. Some women are dating each other and many women are dating/marrying men who are older, whether by a couple years or by more.

I'm still not sure how it adds up, TBH.

Lol! Obvious! He says single and she says relationship that’s how.