Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

This is DCUM—“overweight” could mean she’s 5”3 and 128. OP hasn’t given numbers.

Read the thread. She did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Maybe the studies you’ve cherry picked say that.
One person here is pushing medical interventions but IMO you’d be insane to try that before attempting to meet with a Nutritionist. Maybe it won’t be successful but you have to at least try it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Maybe the studies you’ve cherry picked say that.
One person here is pushing medical interventions but IMO you’d be insane to try that before attempting to meet with a Nutritionist. Maybe it won’t be successful but you have to at least try it first.

I’m just sharing what pediatric obesity experts are recommending. Do you think they’re insane?

[Anonymous]

I have a very chubby 3.5 Year old and yes i limit her snacks and steer her toward real food. We talk about noticing whether your stomach is hungry or you just want some fun food, and if it’s fun food, we have an apple or something else that’s juicy and nutritious. She LOVES food, so we do a lot of cooking and baking together, and I find that encouraging her to make her own food goes a long way in helping her develop a good relationship with food.

Honestly some kids are just heavier. It doesn’t meant they shouldn’t know about the importance of good nutrition, just because we fear we might offend them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly some kids are just heavier. It doesn’t meant they shouldn’t know about the importance of good nutrition, just because we fear we might offend them.

That is not what people are worried about. Maybe you just chose the wrong word, but that is absolutely nt the concern with fat-shaming

[Anonymous]

So, there was just a Daily podcast about this. In summary (and I may have details wrong as I'm not a medical professional), the AAP now recommends treating child/teen obesity as a chronic medical condition. A disease. There were several studies that showed even with exercise, eating better, etc. lots of kids were still prone to obesity. They recommended a combination of behavior therapy for the FAMILY (usually not covered), drug therapies, and Gastric bypass.


FWIW re: your child, OP.

[Anonymous]

https://www.aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/aap/2022/american-academy-of-pediatrics-issues-its-first-comprehensive-guideline-on-evaluating-treating-children-and-adolescents-with-obesity/

[Anonymous]

I hate eating out with kids. And I especially hate eating out with other kids and their families. One kid purposely orders junk, fries, milk shakes, sodas, more dessert, and then everyone else whines for the same garbage.

Do this once a week and you have a carb sugar addict kid. And wonder why they’re fat.
Just puts more pressure that they choose right foods at hot lunch or open lunch five times a week and have to snack and eat nutritionally at home meals. Oh and don’t forget the garbage and candy fed at bday parties, sleepovers and class parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

This makes no sense unless you disclose what you were eating each day and your activity level.

Stop this nonsense about how you just have no idea why you were obese. People are obese because they overeat, overeat the wrong calories (sugar carbs, fat), and don’t get a base level of activity output per day.

If you ignore that basic fact and skip right to meds, stomach stapling, hormones, you’re and idiot. Get on noom, and own it: everything that goes into your month. Write it down. Think about why you’re an eating agin, what yours eating. Empty processed food calories again? Write it down. Go over it yourself. Take baby step incremental changes. Have a goal for 6 and 12 months. Do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Maybe the studies you’ve cherry picked say that.
One person here is pushing medical interventions but IMO you’d be insane to try that before attempting to meet with a Nutritionist. Maybe it won’t be successful but you have to at least try it first.

I’m just sharing what pediatric obesity experts are recommending. Do you think they’re insane?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

This makes no sense unless you disclose what you were eating each day and your activity level.

Stop this nonsense about how you just have no idea why you were obese. People are obese because they overeat, overeat the wrong calories (sugar carbs, fat), and don’t get a base level of activity output per day.

If you ignore that basic fact and skip right to meds, stomach stapling, hormones, you’re and idiot. Get on noom, and own it: everything that goes into your month. Write it down. Think about why you’re an eating agin, what yours eating. Empty processed food calories again? Write it down. Go over it yourself. Take baby step incremental changes. Have a goal for 6 and 12 months. Do it.

I mean, I was a child. 8 years old. Obviously I was overeating, but why? Most kids can regulate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Maybe the studies you’ve cherry picked say that.
One person here is pushing medical interventions but IMO you’d be insane to try that before attempting to meet with a Nutritionist. Maybe it won’t be successful but you have to at least try it first.

I’m just sharing what pediatric obesity experts are recommending. Do you think they’re insane?

Yes.

Got it. Well sorry but I’m going to trust the experts instead of some random weirdo on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

This makes no sense unless you disclose what you were eating each day and your activity level.

Stop this nonsense about how you just have no idea why you were obese. People are obese because they overeat, overeat the wrong calories (sugar carbs, fat), and don’t get a base level of activity output per day.

If you ignore that basic fact and skip right to meds, stomach stapling, hormones, you’re and idiot. Get on noom, and own it: everything that goes into your month. Write it down. Think about why you’re an eating agin, what yours eating. Empty processed food calories again? Write it down. Go over it yourself. Take baby step incremental changes. Have a goal for 6 and 12 months. Do it.

I mean, I was a child. 8 years old. Obviously I was overeating, but why? Most kids can regulate.

It makes TOTAL sense to me. I was a kid like that too. I ate way too much, and the wrong things - my parents tried everything and nothing worked. I think that’s what PP means when she says most people have little control overt their weight. I know that was true for me. I was an obese child and became an obese young adult. I found a program for food addiction that saved my life and I’ve been a healthy weight ever since. Even with all of this knowledge from my own experience, however, it is still SO hard for me to watch my own kids get fat. I still think maybe if they exercised more of if I tried to limit their food or whatever, things would be different. When they were little we didn’t have a lot of junk in the house just because I don’t eat it - but I never restricted them and bought the usual things (juice boxes, kid food, goldfish etc) but for meals they pretty much ate what I eat and stayed at a relatively healthy weight. Now that they can prepare and buy their own food they eat sort of like I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got chubby around 10 (death of my beloved grandparent) and then it didn't stop until I was 26, when I finally took control of it. I had a MISERABLE teenage/high school set of years and the psychological scars are still something I work through at 50 (when some weight is creeping back on and I have to retake control). My pediatrician just shrugged and said "he'll grow out of it" while I sat, age twelve, balling in his office with my mother, begging for help. Poor thing, she was married to a fat man and couldn't see the harm it was causing me to be on the same path. I would have loved some guidance, some encouragement, some help, even while judgment and condemnation would also not have worked. Surely there's a middle ground.

This is a fabulous perspective. There's this idea that we harm children by making any comme t or discussing anything that might hurt their feelings. I don't believe just telling a child advice helps, though. You have to raise them to eat the right foods and to exercise. At the same time we have little time for these things because of long work hours and commuting.

It's one side to consider. For me, dieting after I gained 30 lbs in HS (dealing with the stress of having a critically ill parent) turned into an eating disorder. I don't think there is one answer.

+1 My parents’ “concern” about my pudginess and close eye on what I was eating as a tween led to years of intense yo-yo dieting, food obsession and eventual bulimia.

And the alternative was what? Say and do nothing , let you get obese and unhealthy indefinitely and never get to the psychological root of why you couldn’t stop overeating unhealthy foods?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

This makes no sense unless you disclose what you were eating each day and your activity level.

Stop this nonsense about how you just have no idea why you were obese. People are obese because they overeat, overeat the wrong calories (sugar carbs, fat), and don’t get a base level of activity output per day.

If you ignore that basic fact and skip right to meds, stomach stapling, hormones, you’re and idiot. Get on noom, and own it: everything that goes into your month. Write it down. Think about why you’re an eating agin, what yours eating. Empty processed food calories again? Write it down. Go over it yourself. Take baby step incremental changes. Have a goal for 6 and 12 months. Do it.

I mean, I was a child. 8 years old. Obviously I was overeating, but why? Most kids can regulate.

It makes TOTAL sense to me. I was a kid like that too. I ate way too much, and the wrong things - my parents tried everything and nothing worked. I think that’s what PP means when she says most people have little control overt their weight. I know that was true for me. I was an obese child and became an obese young adult. I found a program for food addiction that saved my life and I’ve been a healthy weight ever since. Even with all of this knowledge from my own experience, however, it is still SO hard for me to watch my own kids get fat. I still think maybe if they exercised more of if I tried to limit their food or whatever, things would be different. When they were little we didn’t have a lot of junk in the house just because I don’t eat it - but I never restricted them and bought the usual things (juice boxes, kid food, goldfish etc) but for meals they pretty much ate what I eat and stayed at a relatively healthy weight. Now that they can prepare and buy their own food they eat sort of like I did.

That's awesome that you found a way to stay healthy.
It's interesting to me that you say the "usual things" like juice boxes or kid food (?). I think these are not actually usual things for some households to have- I have stayed far away from juice boxes and the like and actually the pediatrician specifically asked a few times when my kids were young if they drank juice regularly, I'm assuming because it's a problem in some families.