Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old is overweight. This isn't vanity pounds but overweight by medical terms.

DON'T WORRY---I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO HER. I am really, really, really careful not to. Hence this post; I can vent in private.

She knows how to eat well.
I buy healthy food but I can't cut out snacks because I also have two teenage boy athletes who need to be able to eat non-stop (4000 calories a day to maintain their skinny 6'3" selves).
She was a travel soccer player but quit that this year because it was too much with her school schedule and she decided against trying to play in college.
She's on the varsity soccer team but that is fall only.
She's taking a demanding course load an has 3-4 hours of homework a night.
I suggest exercise but I can't harp on that either. She really doesn't like to exercise. So she does nothing athletic at present.

So she's overweight and it really bothers me. She keeps gaining weight with no real end in sight---she's gone up probably 4 sizes in pants since last school year and 2 since summer and she wasn't small to begin with
(she's always been athletically built). She's short so weight gain really impacts her physique.

I keep buying her new clothing and spending a fortune on it because she grows out of her current pants. The alternative to not buying new clothing is to have her wear pants that are SKIN TIGHT.

I don't know what to do--there really isn't anything I can do.

[Anonymous]

You can get therapy for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Well, you could get yourself what appears to be some badly-needed therapy.

[Anonymous]

Two different PPs with the exact same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Contact her doctor - ask the doctor for help/guidance and let the doctor talk to her about healthy weight and exercise? It could also be depression making things worse.

I'm sorry. It is so hard.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

Well, not the way you are worrying about it, no.

[Anonymous]

Objectively, so we can help you, what is her height and what size are her pants (or do you know her weight)?

[Anonymous]

I worry about it for health reasons, and because pretty, skinny people have it easier in life, but not because I have to keep buying pants.

[Anonymous]

Overweight or Obese? I would have her see her doctor. Do bloodwork to make sure everything is okay medically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You really need some serious therapy yourself. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

OP: Consider therapy for your daughter. Her weight gain may lead to serious health issues as well as to an early death.

Maybe motivational therapy to get her interested in (or even excited about) exercising.

Look into various types of exercise from Peloton bike to jogging, swimming,or walking each day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

Well, not the way you are worrying about it, no.

So you'd be totally cool with buying your kid $250 dollars of new jeans/pants every 3 months?
Totally cool with the health implications of being sedentary?

Sure.

[Anonymous]

How is her mood otherwise, OP? Sounds to me like she is depressed.

Why does it bother you? The way she looks? The effect on her health? Your idea that YOUR daughter shouldn’t be fat? Are you embarrassed? (Standard therapist Qs)

[Anonymous]

Ignore the a$$holes, OP. It would bother me too. Not only for health reasons but, for sure, her weight bothers her and is setting her up for a lifetime of difficulties with how people react to her. Nothing about that requires you to have "therapy" and honestly those people suggesting that are dicks.

Having said that, there really is not a whole lot you can do if she does not want to change things. You can model active behavior or ask her to go ride bikes, hike, walk, etc. You can limit the food you buy in the house. You can take her to a yearly well visit (we do with our teens) and get bloodwork or have the dr. speak to her about health implications. But you can't force it, unfortunately. And you know you can't say anything to her b/c she likely already knows she's overweight. And having seen the opposite of that -my HS best friend was anorexic, badly so- you don't want to trigger disordered eating in the other direction.