Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all. [/quote

Which is why childhood obesity has rapidly increased in the last several decades? Once * you become obese, * diet and exercise can help, but it’s difficult. Hence the new guidelines. But parents shouldn’t just shrug their shoulders at teaching children good nutrition and exercise as a preventive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Wow, what? Such depressing victim mentality. Most people DO have control over their weight.

I lost 40 pounds on WW and have kept it off for a decade. It was incredibly difficult and I still work at it daily.

And there are plenty of people who have lost MORE weight than that and have kept it off without surgery or meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Wow, what? Such depressing victim mentality. Most people DO have control over their weight.

I lost 40 pounds on WW and have kept it off for a decade. It was incredibly difficult and I still work at it daily.

And there are plenty of people who have lost MORE weight than that and have kept it off without surgery or meds.

Meh, I believe you but the data simply doesn’t reflect your anecdotes. It is depressing but it is reality. I encourage you to listen to the podcast I mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

Wrong. He’s 21 now. Recruited for college football. I never filled my home with snacks.

Anyone who lets their kid play football at that level has no business lecturing *anyone* about doing what's best for their kid's health.

Football athletes are in far better condition than any other sport and it'd not even close. As for injuries, they are far more likely to happen in high school than in college or the NFL.
More football players get concussions as a raw number because football is a far more popular sport. But the most dangerous sports are those contact sports that are played without pads such as soccer and those that involve ice or horses.

Nobody can say the bolded with a straight face and expect to be taken seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

Not really. Studies show that all the education in nutrition and exercise in the world doesn’t really matter that much; most people have very little control over their weight. That’s why the new recommendations for pediatric obesity involve medication or even bariatric surgery for teenagers. The chances are high that even if his parents had tried everything to intervene it wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t for me, I remained and remain obese despite my parents pressing the issue very very hard and trying to control my eating and exercise, taking me to doctors and nutritionist. Nothing they did helped me become a thin adult but it did really mess me up emotionally.

There was an episode today on this topic on The Daily podcast. I highly recommend your DH listen to it, it may help him accept that his parents didn’t do him a disservice at all.

Wow, what? Such depressing victim mentality. Most people DO have control over their weight.

I lost 40 pounds on WW and have kept it off for a decade. It was incredibly difficult and I still work at it daily.

And there are plenty of people who have lost MORE weight than that and have kept it off without surgery or meds.

Yes, some things work for some people, some of the time. It’s great what you’ve been able to accomplish. Most people, however, aren’t able to do that. While it might make you feel good to view the vast majority of people as having a “depressing victim mentality”, it might serve you well to understand that your own experiences aren’t universal. I mean that as a general statement as well as a specific one related to your own “incredibly difficult “ experience.



https://www.michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/weighing-facts-tough-truth-about-weight-loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old is overweight. This isn't vanity pounds but overweight by medical terms.

DON'T WORRY---I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO HER. I am really, really, really careful not to. Hence this post; I can vent in private.

She knows how to eat well.
I buy healthy food but I can't cut out snacks because I also have two teenage boy athletes who need to be able to eat non-stop (4000 calories a day to maintain their skinny 6'3" selves).
She was a travel soccer player but quit that this year because it was too much with her school schedule and she decided against trying to play in college.
She's on the varsity soccer team but that is fall only.
She's taking a demanding course load an has 3-4 hours of homework a night.
I suggest exercise but I can't harp on that either. She really doesn't like to exercise. So she does nothing athletic at present.

So she's overweight and it really bothers me. She keeps gaining weight with no real end in sight---she's gone up probably 4 sizes in pants since last school year and 2 since summer and she wasn't small to begin with
(she's always been athletically built). She's short so weight gain really impacts her physique.

I keep buying her new clothing and spending a fortune on it because she grows out of her current pants. The alternative to not buying new clothing is to have her wear pants that are SKIN TIGHT.

I don't know what to do--there really isn't anything I can do.

I hear you OP. It is concerning but you are right to not emphasize it to her and to focus on healthy eating.

Our DD has put on tons of weight and went from healthy weight to close to obese in over a year.

I also buy healthy foods and have taken her to a nutritionist.

She is working with a personal therapist on self love and respect.

I believe in my DDs case that the rapid weight gain is related to stress eating and squashing down difficult feelings with food. I care mostly that she learns to manage her emotions in better ways.

It is really hard to parent teens with eating disorders. Anorexia is even harder to deal with. We are trying a combo of therapy, supporting healthy choices by not having sweets and junk in the house. We also encourage exercise but she resists. We can only do so much as parents until they are willing to help themselves. We let her know that she is loved and that she can talk about her feelings whenever she wants to.

Good luck finding the right balance for supporting your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got chubby around 10 (death of my beloved grandparent) and then it didn't stop until I was 26, when I finally took control of it. I had a MISERABLE teenage/high school set of years and the psychological scars are still something I work through at 50 (when some weight is creeping back on and I have to retake control). My pediatrician just shrugged and said "he'll grow out of it" while I sat, age twelve, balling in his office with my mother, begging for help. Poor thing, she was married to a fat man and couldn't see the harm it was causing me to be on the same path. I would have loved some guidance, some encouragement, some help, even while judgment and condemnation would also not have worked. Surely there's a middle ground.

This is a fabulous perspective. There's this idea that we harm children by making any comme t or discussing anything that might hurt their feelings. I don't believe just telling a child advice helps, though. You have to raise them to eat the right foods and to exercise. At the same time we have little time for these things because of long work hours and commuting.

It's one side to consider. For me, dieting after I gained 30 lbs in HS (dealing with the stress of having a critically ill parent) turned into an eating disorder. I don't think there is one answer.

+1 My parents’ “concern” about my pudginess and close eye on what I was eating as a tween led to years of intense yo-yo dieting, food obsession and eventual bulimia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

I’ve posted this before, but my parents were brutally honest to me about my weight, teeth, clothing & food choices, makeup, grades, acne and everything else growing up. I am so glad that was the case.

I would absolutely bring this up to your daughter and develop a plan to tackle the weight issue collaboratively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You really need some serious therapy yourself. Yikes.

You’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Buy the book Bright Line Eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

This is DCUM—“overweight” could mean she’s 5”3 and 128. OP hasn’t given numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

I’ve posted this before, but my parents were brutally honest to me about my weight, teeth, clothing & food choices, makeup, grades, acne and everything else growing up. I am so glad that was the case.

I would absolutely bring this up to your daughter and develop a plan to tackle the weight issue collaboratively.

Outcome of this can vary wildly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love her unconditionally. Support good self esteem for her (and for yourself). Stop telling her or worrying about elling her what to do. Get healthy yourself - go to therapy.
That's it. Thats the recipe for success.

from a 50+ daughter of a mom who obsessed about my weight and caused disordered eating and exercising.

This is the oddest advice. Why wouldn’t you ask your daughter what is going on? If she could use some help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I suggest exercise but I can't harp on that

If you've "suggested" it more than once, you're harping