Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You really need some serious therapy yourself. Yikes.

So you deny the health implications (diabetes, etc) of obesity?

Just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

Your athlete boys can snack on hard boiled eggs and yogurt and cashews instead of addictive potato chips and ice cream.

You can take her on hikes on the weekends and bike with her when the weather gets warmer.

I have a tween boy who is chubby. So I get your worry. We know how hard it is to start out overweight. All you can do is give her unconditional love and support, but also provide the tools at home for being healthy (such as fun physical activity, healthy foods)

[Anonymous]

Please ignore the posters who jumped all over you, OP. You aren't saying you want your daughter to be a sexy baby. You're worried about her health and emotional wellbeing. That's totally normal and ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is her mood otherwise, OP? Sounds to me like she is depressed.

Why does it bother you? The way she looks? The effect on her health? Your idea that YOUR daughter shouldn’t be fat? Are you embarrassed? (Standard therapist Qs)

Well aren't you holier than thou? You know how this society reacts to fat people? So yes, I would be concerned if this were my kid. I would absolutely be a little embarrassed b/c I would have taught my kids better and they are choosing to be overweight. Doesn't mean I'd say/do anything. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love her.

[Anonymous]

I’ve found a-line dresses to be more forgiving of weight fluctuations. Maybe try those?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is her mood otherwise, OP? Sounds to me like she is depressed.

Why does it bother you? The way she looks? The effect on her health? Your idea that YOUR daughter shouldn’t be fat? Are you embarrassed? (Standard therapist Qs)

Well aren't you holier than thou? You know how this society reacts to fat people? So yes, I would be concerned if this were my kid. I would absolutely be a little embarrassed b/c I would have taught my kids better and they are choosing to be overweight. Doesn't mean I'd say/do anything. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love her.

Good God the proud ignorance is remarkable.

[Anonymous]

OP, that would really bother me too. Don't let others make you feel bad. Are family members on either side overweight? Some of it is genetics unfortunately. What snacks are your boys eating? I'm guessing that there is still room for improvement there. What about liquid calories? Could you cut those out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

Your OP doesn't have any indication that what you care about is your daughter's health or happiness. It's about how it makes you feel, the money you have to spend, and a little bit about how you need to cater to your sons.

Worrying about your child's health, or her happiness, would lead to a very different post.

[Anonymous]

What’s her actual height and weight? Considering she’s on the varsity soccer team as a sophomore or junior she’s probably still reasonably fit. I’m not sure if you’re a reliable reporter.

[Anonymous]

Has she been checked for PCOS?

Age 16 is when it actually started for my sister but she didn't get a proper diagnosis until almost age 20 in college.

When she started gaining weight at age 16, I can remember my mom riding her about not being active enough, quitting basketball and dance, eating healthy when not at home, etc. She said she quit basketball because it was too much to try to keep up with running up and down the court - it became too hard. She quit dance because she was being made fun of. She claimed to not eat junk when out with friends and I was witness to that many times when I'd hang out with her.

It didn't matter what she told my mom or doctors, they never believed her. The weight really started packing on in college and of course, my mom was all "it's the freshman 15, not freshman 40!" to her.

I think it was health services on campus who recommended she see an endocrinologist to make sure she wasn't diabetic one time when she went in for some kind of issue. She found one on her own and that doctor did tests and was like no, you're not diabetic but I want you to see my partner here who specializes in PCOS. Boom, she got a diagnosis and it was like it all clicked into place. She cried so hard when she found a doctor who listened to her and didn't think she was lying about her eating habits.

[Anonymous]

I get your concern OP. I would stop buying her bigger pants. That is consequence of overeating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

No I wouldn't be okay with it. I'd require physical activity just like I put vegetables on their plates with dinner every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You really need some serious therapy yourself. Yikes.

So you deny the health implications (diabetes, etc) of obesity?

Just trying to understand.

OPs daughter played varsity soccer just a few months ago. She’s probably more physically active than any of the sanctimonious fat-shaming harpies in this thread.

If I had a kid like OPs, who was physically active but suddenly and inexplicably gaining a lot of weight, and who stopped wanting to do most activities, I’d have that child into a therapist office where the therapist was asking gently about potential sex abuse or other triggering events. I sure as heck wouldn’t be handwringing about how embarrassed I was personally or some future diabetes. OP doesn’t seem to care at all about her daughter other than how it reflects on OP.

Honestly I read threads on DCUM and I understand why so many of your kids have so many serious issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

You really need some serious therapy yourself. Yikes.

So you deny the health implications (diabetes, etc) of obesity?

Just trying to understand.

Yes I’d be concerned with her heart, health and mental health.

Dieting at this age has shown to decrease mental health and decrease the chance of maintaining a healthy weight as an adult.

[Anonymous]

It sucks OP. I say this as someone who has been overweight and obese my whole life--being very overweight is hard. It's a huge mental toll. Nobody wants their child to suffer. It's normal to feel this way. You are doing all the right things. You just need to work on acceptance; you cannot control the size of your daughter's body and that's okay. To a large extent, she can't control it either.

I will tell you that my parent did the opposite of you; my weight was a huge topic. Tried to curb my eating, tried to force me to exercise, tried to shame me, tried to make it about health, tried to make it about boys liking me, tried....everything short of shipping me off to fat camp. I was never not aware that my size was a problem. In the end none of that made me smaller but damaged my self esteem and our relationship.

Your job is to ease the burden in the ways you can control. You make sure your daughter knows she is worthy, valuable, and beautiful no matter her size. She can pursue healthy eating and exercise no matter what her size. She deserves decent clothes that fit no matter her size. She deserves respect from peers no matter her size.