Office bully: how can HR help?

[Anonymous]

Please help me! I have never worked (in the office) and don't know office culture/operations very well.

My older foreign-born and raised family member (FM) works in the office with a bully. The bully is pitting up people against each other, manipulates, lies, throws tantrums. FM and Bully are both in charge of two departments that have to work with each other, and bully picks on FM restlessly leaving her in tears, making her seek therapy last year, sabotages FM's work (did not want to sign documents that needed to be signed in order for FM to complete the project), refuses to communicate via email (I guess, it's because Bully does not want to leave paper trail), tries to present her incompetent at the meeting. When nobody is around Bully comes to FM saying that everyone hates her, does not want to work with her, that the boss her FM complained to the boss they referred to asking the Bully to communicate via email, but this boss told her to figure it out herself.

Some time after the boss reportered Bully to HR (Bully talked about it, but did not name the reasons), Bully tamed the temper and was quiet for some time, letting everyone to work normally. However, the cycle started repeating itself again, but this time worse than before. I told FM to seek help from HR, but FM says she does not know procedures and she does not believe HR can help, and is afraid the bully will attack her more if she complains. She also does not know what to ask HR for except that the bully puts all communication in the written form (a restraining order of sorts).

I am loss- I want to help but don't know how. It breaks my heart to see FM looking older, stressed out, sleep deprived and tired. What can be done? How HR can help and can they? What should FM write in her report? If you are in HR, do you help to deal with situations like these and how?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I don't have any answers but bumping it with the hope that someone responds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any answers but bumping it with the hope that someone responds.

Thank you! I hope you don't do it for personal reasons - hostile work environment sucks.

[Anonymous]

FM sounds depressed and victimized into silence. Silence doesn't work with a bully. They take this as further signs of weakness and continue their harassment. Keep reporting the bully to HR since that seemed to work before, even if only temporarily. This helps to document the bully's pattern of conduct and builds a case against the bully. Maybe eventually the bully will be fired and the documented evidence can help with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence doesn't work with a bully.

I agree. FM needs to stand up to the bully. FM should continue to take complaints "up the chain" to HR and the boss. Also FM should talk to co-workers and see if others are willing to all go to HR or the boss together to complain. FM should also talk back to the bully. Tell the bully, "That sort of personal attack/personal opinion/unconstructive criticism isn't necessary and will only damage our working relationship" or things of that nature. FM should practice and use phrases to respond to bully's attacks, pointing out bully's actions which are not helpful, combative, hostile, etc. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I am HR. Come to me. I can do all KINDS of stuff, and without your FM being named. I don't have to say "Alice says you're verbally harrassing her to the point of tears." I can say, "A number of people have brought your verbal abuse to HR's attention, and we're concerned. What can you tell me about that?"

Sometimes I can move people to different departments, sometimes I can't. I document the hell out of everything. If Bully has had SIX people come to me to complain about her, it's in her file. Sometimes we can get someone free counseling for anger management. Sometimes we can suggest a person's review won't be good (which will lead to no salary increase) if they don't get help.

Nobody, NOBODY should be made to cry at work. I know everyone thinks HR is a joke, that all we do is protect the company. But I take my job seriously and truly feel it's part of my job to make sure everyone has a safe and mostly pleasant work environment. Come talk to me. I have candy at my desk and everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am HR. Come to me. I can do all KINDS of stuff, and without your FM being named. I don't have to say "Alice says you're verbally harrassing her to the point of tears." I can say, "A number of people have brought your verbal abuse to HR's attention, and we're concerned. What can you tell me about that?"

Sometimes I can move people to different departments, sometimes I can't. I document the hell out of everything. If Bully has had SIX people come to me to complain about her, it's in her file. Sometimes we can get someone free counseling for anger management. Sometimes we can suggest a person's review won't be good (which will lead to no salary increase) if they don't get help.

Nobody, NOBODY should be made to cry at work. I know everyone thinks HR is a joke, that all we do is protect the company. But I take my job seriously and truly feel it's part of my job to make sure everyone has a safe and mostly pleasant work environment. Come talk to me. I have candy at my desk and everything.

I like you, HR!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any answers but bumping it with the hope that someone responds.

Thank you! I hope you don't do it for personal reasons - hostile work environment sucks.

Employment lawyer here. I'm sorry, but unless this is based on the victim's race, religion or some other protected category, it is not a "hostile work environment" at least under the law. People think the term hostile work environment means any workplace in which they feel they are treated with hostility, but it does not.

[Anonymous]

FM needs to find a new job. Bullies always win. HR is next to useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am HR. Come to me. I can do all KINDS of stuff, and without your FM being named. I don't have to say "Alice says you're verbally harrassing her to the point of tears." I can say, "A number of people have brought your verbal abuse to HR's attention, and we're concerned. What can you tell me about that?"

Sometimes I can move people to different departments, sometimes I can't. I document the hell out of everything. If Bully has had SIX people come to me to complain about her, it's in her file. Sometimes we can get someone free counseling for anger management. Sometimes we can suggest a person's review won't be good (which will lead to no salary increase) if they don't get help.

Nobody, NOBODY should be made to cry at work. I know everyone thinks HR is a joke, that all we do is protect the company. But I take my job seriously and truly feel it's part of my job to make sure everyone has a safe and mostly pleasant work environment. Come talk to me. I have candy at my desk and everything.

Thanks HR! Gave FM to read your post, she feels encouraged!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any answers but bumping it with the hope that someone responds.

Thank you! I hope you don't do it for personal reasons - hostile work environment sucks.

Employment lawyer here. I'm sorry, but unless this is based on the victim's race, religion or some other protected category, it is not a "hostile work environment" at least under the law. People think the term hostile work environment means any workplace in which they feel they are treated with hostility, but it does not.

Good to know. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Record the meetings & present to the supervisor. If the company continues to ignore, time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FM needs to find a new job. Bullies always win. HR is next to useless.

Unf I agree.
In my case the bully was a very manipulative manager who had sharp elbows and played the office/industry politics game very well. Her group now has 50% attrition and I am leaving by yearend. HR would be useless, esp if the bully/retaliator is the superior. i might mention some things about how poor a manager she was (no verbal reviews, no communication, random strategy decisions, etc.) in the exit interview, but the company won't be bothered to do anything about it. now or later.

[Anonymous]

Document, document, document and take documentation to supervisor and HR

[Anonymous]

My husband had a bully for his last boss who was younger and incompetent but spoke well and looked polished as compared to my husband who is competent but isn't the best public speaker and doesn't look as polished. My husband left his prior company after many, many years due to this boss. I agree with PP's you are going to have to leave. HR/ management supported this jerk.