Reply to If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Given the recent postings from OP and the history she has of helping out the kids of this particular sister and her desire to have some time for her own kids on this their first ski trip to a sort of fancy (non PA) place, I take back my previous snide comment about her being the sister who always does what she wants and doesn't worry about other people's feelings.  She does help this sister a lot.  She taught some of her kids to swim and another how to ride a bike, and there was no return from that sister because she lived farther away when OP's kids were small.

I'm not saying it's ideal, but this all bothers me a lot less now.  One thing I wouldn't do is ask your little sister expecting the news not to get back to your excluded sister.  It will someday, even if that someday isn't right now -- someday little sis will be mad at you and trying to get in with the excluded sister and whoops there it went.  I would just be upfront about the excluded sister about your reasons.  I would even ask her whether she feels hurt and and whether there's something she wants you to do (while still respecting your boundaries of what you want), and depending on how that went, ask her if she'd be more hurt about inviting the little sister, maybe.  I think she might understand, given all you have done for her in the past.  I don't think you're being selfish, really, given how generous you have been with your time in the past and how well you understand the responsibilities you'd be taking on if this sister came.

Good luck, and sorry for my earlier rude-ish comment.
[/quote]
I didn’t make any rude comments, but I agree with what you’ve written here. I’m not sure I’ve ever gone so completely from judging an OP at the start of the thread to taking her side at the end. She’s clearly a thoughtful person who is self-aware enough to know that there is zero way for the other middle sister to come without some combination of kids or grownups ending up hurt or annoyed for the reasons she’s clearly laid out re the differing ski abilities and ages and OP’s very close relationship with that sister’s kids.

OP, in your shoes, I would not invite the youngest sister and just proceed with the original trip with your older sister as planned. Do something else nice to celebrate the youngest’s marriage. There are a world of possibilities. You say you will only be able to afford this ski trip once in a lifetime, but that may not be true—you may have another opportunity when all the kids’ ages make more sense, even if it’s in a less spectacular area. At a minimum, you can all figure out another fun family trip that’s affordable at a beach or campground down the line. No need to let this one trip carry so much emotional weight. [/quote]

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