What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Everyone just needs to take a breath. There is a lot going on here and decisions do not need to be made today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are making choices I really would not make. I feel very sorry for your son.
I hope he recovers his life.

The woman has decided to keep the child and not place the boy up for adoption. Her choice. Grandma has decided to be a grandma to her grandson. What different would you make as the grandmother. OP's son needs to man the ef' up and stop acting like a boy. He is 27, not 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You told your son you would support him always.
But even in that post you sound like were getting into being a grandmother.
Then you say you were grandmothering up.
Now circling wagons. Team baby.

You lied to your son.
I am glad he has a lawyer.

The only thing a lawyer can advise is how much child support he will have to pay, with or without joint custody. The man-child needs to decide whether or not he wants to be a part of his son's life and seek joint custody. OP is supporting her son. It might not be the way her son wants, but that does not mean she is not supporting him.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Yes indeed

I don't think it was a wrong decision to ask my son's gf in the hospital what she would immediately need. Because I can provide for that. Why would I make her scramble for anything. That's not kind or moral.

So I ordered things to be delivered here. Diapers in many sizes. Some kind of pack n play thing that now resembles a crib changing table I can't keep track.

My son is going to be paying child support for up to 22 years. I just want to know what he's paying for. And if it's just to be paying for getting out of being a father then I've done it all wrong.

I'm not super ass happy with anything in my life except last week I would have said I was happy with this one son. And now I'm not.

But given the choice between my one son who supposedly "did everything right" vs. this child who had done nothing wrong at all .. I'm iike, I have to choose the child.

My ex keeps saying "let's let him make his own decision" and after today (she delivered today !!)

I am like NO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You told your son you would support him always.
But even in that post you sound like were getting into being a grandmother.
Then you say you were grandmothering up.
Now circling wagons. Team baby.

You lied to your son.
I am glad he has a lawyer.

The only thing a lawyer can advise is how much child support he will have to pay, with or without joint custody. The man-child needs to decide whether or not he wants to be a part of his son's life and seek joint custody. OP is supporting her son. It might not be the way her son wants, but that does not mean she is not supporting him.

And if he decides he doesn't want to be part of that child's life and pays child support as required...

Team Son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weighing in here - don't panic. He's smart to see an attorney to protect his rights. My DH became a dad at age 23 (nearly 40 years ago!), and he and his girlfriend at the time had stopped dating by the time the little girl was born.

When my SD was 3, her mom wanted to leave the DC area to move to the west coast. My DH engaged an attorney, and luckily even in the non-dad-friendly late eighties, he was awarded joint physical and legal custody. SD's mom was unable to leave the area unless she wanted to give up full custody. SD's school district was determined to be with my DH.

Obviously that was a long while ago, but it was genuinely helpful and important to establish custody, and it set the stage for a cooperative relationship that lasted until my SD's age of majority.

Don't catastrophize about losing your son. But do be aware that your contact with your future grandchild will and should be established through the time you spend with him. He will likely be granted 50/50 custody, so you'll have no need to interact with the mom of ppl the child if that circumstance is suddenly offensive to your son.

Ugh. You dated and married a man a lot of baggage.

You had time girl.

[Anonymous]

OP here

If you recognize me from another post, here goes

We are the ones who give our kids an Amex allowance

This son gets 3K a month

I'm on board with giving the girlfriend an amex with a 1K allowance every month and turning down the 3K allowance to the 28 yo who doesn't want his life to be changed

Like I am so PI$$$edd off

What is this 700 800 per month bull****

I am REALLY ANGRY his dad just took his girlfriend on a wild ** vacation

My ex and my son can su** my ** that I'm buying diapers and baby supplies like I am SO MAD I AM TYPING LIKE THIS I AM THIS MAD

This is a baby no one's baby actually delivered deserves to be treated like something to get rid of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

If you recognize me from another post, here goes

We are the ones who give our kids an Amex allowance

This son gets 3K a month

I'm on board with giving the girlfriend an amex with a 1K allowance every month and turning down the 3K allowance to the 28 yo who doesn't want his life to be changed

Like I am so PI$$$edd off

What is this 700 800 per month bull****

I am REALLY ANGRY his dad just took his girlfriend on a wild ** vacation

My ex and my son can su** my ** that I'm buying diapers and baby supplies like I am SO MAD I AM TYPING LIKE THIS I AM THIS MAD

This is a baby no one's baby actually delivered deserves to be treated like something to get rid of

Ewww

[Anonymous]

A baby surrendered for adoption goes to a home filled with love and with a person or people who have been longing for them. That's not a sad ending. It is the beginning of a happy story.

Open your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

If you recognize me from another post, here goes

We are the ones who give our kids an Amex allowance

This son gets 3K a month

I'm on board with giving the girlfriend an amex with a 1K allowance every month and turning down the 3K allowance to the 28 yo who doesn't want his life to be changed

Like I am so PI$$$edd off

What is this 700 800 per month bull****

I am REALLY ANGRY his dad just took his girlfriend on a wild ** vacation

My ex and my son can su** my ** that I'm buying diapers and baby supplies like I am SO MAD I AM TYPING LIKE THIS I AM THIS MAD

This is a baby no one's baby actually delivered deserves to be treated like something to get rid of

Why are you giving your son’s baby momma an allowance ?
She nor the baby are your responsibility..

Where is her job ? Or dare I ask her mother and father?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Sorry i am what I call

*OHUOPUJhseoyuuse:=*

drinking

Today qualifies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again

I was trying to just sit back and absorb and try not to interfere with things that are not my decision, and just told him I’d be here for whatever he needed when he needs me.

This all just started Wed night and today Tuesday he just texted me she’s delivering now at (kindly) approximately 33 weeks

Baby will need to stay in the NICU for at least a week

I have no more words, maybe they were both in such shock it caused her to go into preterm labor

His father has put him in contact with a lawyer. I don’t know what for yet. I just presume that he’s still in shock and doesn’t know how he feels about anything but it’s definitely about to get very real now.

I just hope that the actual presence of a live infant will help both of them decide where they are going to fall on all of this emotionally. I still don’t know how her mom & grandma feel about it or even if she’s told them.

He doesn’t want me to be there just now.

I imagine you never know until you’re actually there how it will all feel. I feel so helpless.

Hmmm, possible but unlikely that a 33 seeker would only spend a week in the NICU. Why did she deliver early?

I would honestly wonder whether she was more than 32 weeks, whether she’s known all along and whether your son is the father.

[Anonymous]

I'm actually just store quality drunk.

Today has been terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again

I was trying to just sit back and absorb and try not to interfere with things that are not my decision, and just told him I’d be here for whatever he needed when he needs me.

This all just started Wed night and today Tuesday he just texted me she’s delivering now at (kindly) approximately 33 weeks

Baby will need to stay in the NICU for at least a week

I have no more words, maybe they were both in such shock it caused her to go into preterm labor

His father has put him in contact with a lawyer. I don’t know what for yet. I just presume that he’s still in shock and doesn’t know how he feels about anything but it’s definitely about to get very real now.

I just hope that the actual presence of a live infant will help both of them decide where they are going to fall on all of this emotionally. I still don’t know how her mom & grandma feel about it or even if she’s told them.

He doesn’t want me to be there just now.

I imagine you never know until you’re actually there how it will all feel. I feel so helpless.

Hmmm, possible but unlikely that a 33 seeker would only spend a week in the NICU. Why did she deliver early?

I would honestly wonder whether she was more than 32 weeks, whether she’s known all along and whether your son is the father.

Yes. Oh, yes. Or wanted a baby no matter what and lied to him. I think maybe after 4 or 5 missed periods most people would do a pregnancy test.

And what is with her family? Abusive? Religious?

[Anonymous]

You need to calm down and set a better example.

Baby does need a paternity test.

Best advice for you now. Don't say rash things or threaten.

If you are supportive to the mother, you will likely be allowed to play a part in the child's life. But be prepared for that to change.

There is no need to jaw at your son about this right now. Just focus on your relationship with the grandchild and let him work out his mess. He's probably pretty mad at his gf, even if she's blameless.