Anonymous wrote:This is all very evident in the dating market.
Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.
Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money,
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age.
I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.
A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive
Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. Older women with experience are way more demanding and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.
Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.
DP. Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age). You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie!
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.
I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.
I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.
Woman, 49
Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men. You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed. That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner. If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar. But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.
This sounds like it was written by a sub-par man who wants beautiful successful women to settle for whatever garbage he has to offer. Why should women have to settle, just to have a partner? A man-child at home is NOT better than being single for a majority of women.
Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. I will not be rushed into it because of age or because I might end up lonely. Any man or women knows that marrying someone incompatible leads to resentment which is a horrible place to be. Look at all of these people who end up with dead bedrooms , affairs, and abuse. Having no husband is better than having a bad one.
Agreed. "Desirable" women are expected to be beautiful, smart, kind, well spoken, well travelled, fit, great makeup and hair without looking like you have done your makeup and hair, "bounce back" after kids, etc etc. And men can't even... try to be better? To attract one of these women? C'mon now.
For generations men have not had to do anything to snag a wife, because she literally had no other choices. Now that they are still expected to do all of the above but have the choice to find a man who does the same, all of a sudden men are trivializing this to "women have too high of standards and will end up alone" GMAFB.
Anonymous wrote:God I'd love it if my wife out earned me. I'd homemake so effin hard. I like cooking. I like woodworking and having the time to fix things. Work out and ride my motorocycle and do all the kids related things. Is sitting in front of a plastic box having teams meetings all day making me feel like a MAN anyway? lol
My DH got laid off during covid and it was seriously the best our lives have been lol. He was so dedicated to cooking, cleaning, shopping, fixing things, taking the dogs to the park, working out, etc. He still wishes he could be a "man of leisure" now.
My dentist friend's very intelligent workaholic husband was unemployed for 1.5 years, he took over household and parental responsibilities and executed everything with so much efficacy that everyone cried when he was rehired.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty sad my DH got a new job after a few months. I don't think homemaking is a gendered thing, a lot of men just think it's beneath them because it's "women's work".
Anonymous wrote:God I'd love it if my wife out earned me. I'd homemake so effin hard. I like cooking. I like woodworking and having the time to fix things. Work out and ride my motorocycle and do all the kids related things. Is sitting in front of a plastic box having teams meetings all day making me feel like a MAN anyway? lol
My DH got laid off during covid and it was seriously the best our lives have been lol. He was so dedicated to cooking, cleaning, shopping, fixing things, taking the dogs to the park, working out, etc. He still wishes he could be a "man of leisure" now.
My dentist friend's very intelligent workaholic husband was unemployed for 1.5 years, he took over household and parental responsibilities and executed everything with so much efficacy that everyone cried when he was rehired.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty sad my DH got a new job after a few months. I don't think homemaking is a gendered thing, a lot of men just think it's beneath them because it's "women's work".
A lot of families are happier with a parent at home, everyone can’t afford it or is willing to take the risk of losing earning potential jumping out of their careers.
Anonymous wrote:God I'd love it if my wife out earned me. I'd homemake so effin hard. I like cooking. I like woodworking and having the time to fix things. Work out and ride my motorocycle and do all the kids related things. Is sitting in front of a plastic box having teams meetings all day making me feel like a MAN anyway? lol
My DH got laid off during covid and it was seriously the best our lives have been lol. He was so dedicated to cooking, cleaning, shopping, fixing things, taking the dogs to the park, working out, etc. He still wishes he could be a "man of leisure" now.
My dentist friend's very intelligent workaholic husband was unemployed for 1.5 years, he took over household and parental responsibilities and executed everything with so much efficacy that everyone cried when he was rehired.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty sad my DH got a new job after a few months. I don't think homemaking is a gendered thing, a lot of men just think it's beneath them because it's "women's work".
My surgeon husband would make an amazing homemaker. Many of my friends have domestic husbands. All the husbands are highly competent. If you are a smart and successful man who once lived alone as an adult, he can handle house and kids.
Anonymous wrote:God I'd love it if my wife out earned me. I'd homemake so effin hard. I like cooking. I like woodworking and having the time to fix things. Work out and ride my motorocycle and do all the kids related things. Is sitting in front of a plastic box having teams meetings all day making me feel like a MAN anyway? lol
My DH got laid off during covid and it was seriously the best our lives have been lol. He was so dedicated to cooking, cleaning, shopping, fixing things, taking the dogs to the park, working out, etc. He still wishes he could be a "man of leisure" now.
My dentist friend's very intelligent workaholic husband was unemployed for 1.5 years, he took over household and parental responsibilities and executed everything with so much efficacy that everyone cried when he was rehired.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty sad my DH got a new job after a few months. I don't think homemaking is a gendered thing, a lot of men just think it's beneath them because it's "women's work".
My surgeon husband would make an amazing homemaker. Many of my friends have domestic husbands. All the husbands are highly competent. If you are a smart and successful man who once lived alone as an adult, he can handle house and kids.
And that's why they are happily married! Not some of these loser incels living in their moms basement complaining that women's standards are too high
Anonymous wrote:This is all very evident in the dating market.
Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.
Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money,
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age.
I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.
A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive
Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. Older women with experience are way more demanding and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.
Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.
DP. Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age). You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie!
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.
I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.
I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.
Woman, 49
Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men. You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed. That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner. If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar. But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.
Disaster for whom? Just the women? I don’t think so because on the flip side, there’s millions of men who are deemed subpar and end up alone too. They’re not all going to get mail order brides as a solution because that leads to problems.
This stalemate is most disastrous for society as a whole and will lead to plummeting birth rates and population collapse. Using scare tactics on women (“you’ll end up alone! You’re going to be a childless cat lady!”) isn’t persuading anyone.
PP you quoted. I agree! It's a disaster for men and society as well, not just the women.
I guess the issue is that women are driving this stalemate, not men. They are the ones that are basically choosing to remain single unless they can get a man that is out of their league. You could flip it around and say that maybe men need to be better or more feminist or what have you, but men are not going to overnight acquire more college degrees, double their incomes, or become more attractive (though they could and should work out more and eat better). But women *could* overnight accept that they cannot find someone who checks all their boxes and be willing to entertain someone who checks 70% of their boxes.
Women are not seeking anyone out of their league. Generally couples match by attraction level. If a fit person wants to sleep with other fit people it’s not “wanting to date out of your league”.
Wrong. I don’t understand why women cannot grasp this concept. BY DEFINITION, the very fact that women perceive that there are “so few eligible bachelors” who check all of their boxes means that these men are out of the league of most women, unless you are advocating for polygamy and for each of these men to marry five women. (Ironically, we now have de facto polygamy for these desirable men—except that they sleep with five women and marry none of them.)
You’re also wrong about a fit woman and a fit man necessarily being in the same league. As everyone knows, men disproportionately value looks in a partner and women disproportionately value the ability to provide financially. Therefore, it’s very possible for a schlubby man with a good income to be in the same league as a fit woman. However, women now view the income as a baseline requirement and expect that the man should be fit on top of that.
Moreover, the fit, high-earning man may still not be a suitable partner if his high income comes from a plumbing business and not from an endeavor with the cultural pedigree that would appeal to a college-educated woman. After all, intellectual stimulation, common culture and shared values are all important.
And on and on and on it goes. I think it’s clear as day that while the current situation harms both men and women, women have largely created this mess.
You are thinking in terms of some weird leagues, scores etc. As if women would pick fat higher earners over fit average earners all the time just for the money alone. This is simply not true. No matter what you think about a fat doctor being in same league with fit woman, it wouldn’t force her to have sex with him. And if she’s in need and forces herself into it, the relationship will be an unhappy one. Real life couples by at large match by looks, incomes etc.
So yes, women select solitude while they are in search (if they can afford a decent standard of living on their own). It’s a happier place than being with a fat doctor or nagging ex-husband.
You’re making PP’s point. If women’s standards are rising as society becomes more egalitarian then women are chasing and increasingly smaller percentage of men.
Take the PP above who says she earns a lot and is willing to date down to a $150,000 earning male (but below that is an incompatible lifestyle).
If you search all men and set the filters as follows:
At least 5 foot 8 inches tall
Under 42
Not obese
Not married
Open to having kids
Doesn’t smoke
You’re talking about 0.52% of all men in the USA (exclude divorced and/or already has kids and that percentage drops). That means a lot of single women are going to be left without a chair when the music stops.
Ok and? It looks like many women are fine with being single and left without a chair, as they are increasingly able to financially support themselves, unlike the past. Who is most bothered by this? I’m thinking men, because they’re unable to be alone indefinitely, and people like you. Why is that?
Do you think men are having difficulty finding partners? The article isn’t about wealthy men having difficulty finding partners. It’s about women. It isn’t a competition. Most wealthy men don’t even have wealthy women on their radar.
Yes, as we move closer to an equal society where women have greater job opportunities and less children hindering their careers, men will have difficulty finding partners. MC and LMC men are already experiencing this. Increasing numbers of women are also fine with being single forever, so all the hand wringing about it is unwarranted.
A lot of young men nowadays are failure to launch. My friend has a 21 year old son that flunked out of community college and got fired from Walmart for regularly being late and comes to me whining that girls don’t want to date him and he doesn’t leave the house. Go on the Adult children section and you will see a bunch of people talking about their failure to launch boys. A young woman who has done all of the right things she was told to do will not settle with any guy just so she can say she has a husband. Honestly it sounds like a punishment.
Boys are failing to launch because historical masculinity is no longer advantageous in a knowledge-based economy. The fact that universities have more women than men is a huge masculine failure.
Anonymous wrote:This is all very evident in the dating market.
Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.
Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money,
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age.
I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.
A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive
Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. Older women with experience are way more demanding and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.
Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.
DP. Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age). You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie!
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.
I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.
I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.
Woman, 49
Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men. You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed. That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner. If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar. But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.
Disaster for whom? Just the women? I don’t think so because on the flip side, there’s millions of men who are deemed subpar and end up alone too. They’re not all going to get mail order brides as a solution because that leads to problems.
This stalemate is most disastrous for society as a whole and will lead to plummeting birth rates and population collapse. Using scare tactics on women (“you’ll end up alone! You’re going to be a childless cat lady!”) isn’t persuading anyone.
PP you quoted. I agree! It's a disaster for men and society as well, not just the women.
I guess the issue is that women are driving this stalemate, not men. They are the ones that are basically choosing to remain single unless they can get a man that is out of their league. You could flip it around and say that maybe men need to be better or more feminist or what have you, but men are not going to overnight acquire more college degrees, double their incomes, or become more attractive (though they could and should work out more and eat better). But women *could* overnight accept that they cannot find someone who checks all their boxes and be willing to entertain someone who checks 70% of their boxes.
Eating better and exercising in your 40-50s does wonders. I would take a fit dude making $200k over an overweight law partner making $2mm. Because in my 40s I value quality of life and don’t want to become his nurse when I’m 60.
It’s the hardest part for 90% Americans. The attraction laws are the same for men and women. Single women do a better job taking care of their health
All the fat lawyers and bankers are now on injectables so aren’t so obese any longer.
No muscle tone though.
No hobbies or interests. Just work addicts still who throw money at their kids and dates.
Yea, I’ve met many of those! It’s surprisingly amazing how uninteresting are many top earners. These are people who only did one thing whole life: making money. Many are also drinkers/on drugs (particular NYC finance).
I’ve met more who aren’t on drugs nor are alcoholics. Rather they are self-centered, one trick ponies: got top grades, then work too much.
A few confessed they are aspergers. So that explains a lot and that nothing will be changing.
So those are less about money or drugs, more about ego and hyperfocused on work and that image.
But agree, if yours going to lose 50 pounds in a few months start lifting weights daily! Yuck. Flab and dripping skin. Yuck.
A lot of the billionaires seem weird AF. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates all seem a little off.
Tism, ???, Tism, ???, Tism
Yes but they’re also incredibly brilliant and literally one in a billion so their weirdness is excused. They can partner with anyone they choose. Your run of the mill wealthy guy with 10-20m net worth and no other skills or charisma isn’t worth being with for non desperate women.
LOL! Any DCUM boss babe making $250K a year would immediately start dancing on a pole, or whatever else were required, if she thought she had a realistic chance at landing a plain, boring $20 million man.
Anonymous wrote:This is all very evident in the dating market.
Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.
Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money,
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age.
I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.
A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive
Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. Older women with experience are way more demanding and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.
Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.
DP. Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age). You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie!
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.
I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.
I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.
Woman, 49
Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men. You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed. That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner. If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar. But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.
Disaster for whom? Just the women? I don’t think so because on the flip side, there’s millions of men who are deemed subpar and end up alone too. They’re not all going to get mail order brides as a solution because that leads to problems.
This stalemate is most disastrous for society as a whole and will lead to plummeting birth rates and population collapse. Using scare tactics on women (“you’ll end up alone! You’re going to be a childless cat lady!”) isn’t persuading anyone.
PP you quoted. I agree! It's a disaster for men and society as well, not just the women.
I guess the issue is that women are driving this stalemate, not men. They are the ones that are basically choosing to remain single unless they can get a man that is out of their league. You could flip it around and say that maybe men need to be better or more feminist or what have you, but men are not going to overnight acquire more college degrees, double their incomes, or become more attractive (though they could and should work out more and eat better). But women *could* overnight accept that they cannot find someone who checks all their boxes and be willing to entertain someone who checks 70% of their boxes.
Eating better and exercising in your 40-50s does wonders. I would take a fit dude making $200k over an overweight law partner making $2mm. Because in my 40s I value quality of life and don’t want to become his nurse when I’m 60.
It’s the hardest part for 90% Americans. The attraction laws are the same for men and women. Single women do a better job taking care of their health
All the fat lawyers and bankers are now on injectables so aren’t so obese any longer.
No muscle tone though.
No hobbies or interests. Just work addicts still who throw money at their kids and dates.
Yea, I’ve met many of those! It’s surprisingly amazing how uninteresting are many top earners. These are people who only did one thing whole life: making money. Many are also drinkers/on drugs (particular NYC finance).
I’ve met more who aren’t on drugs nor are alcoholics. Rather they are self-centered, one trick ponies: got top grades, then work too much.
A few confessed they are aspergers. So that explains a lot and that nothing will be changing.
So those are less about money or drugs, more about ego and hyperfocused on work and that image.
But agree, if yours going to lose 50 pounds in a few months start lifting weights daily! Yuck. Flab and dripping skin. Yuck.
A lot of the billionaires seem weird AF. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates all seem a little off.
Tism, ???, Tism, ???, Tism
Yes but they’re also incredibly brilliant and literally one in a billion so their weirdness is excused. They can partner with anyone they choose. Your run of the mill wealthy guy with 10-20m net worth and no other skills or charisma isn’t worth being with for non desperate women.
LOL! Any DCUM boss babe making $250K a year would immediately start dancing on a pole, or whatever else were required, if she thought she had a realistic chance at landing a plain, boring $20 million man.
Haha - I'm one of those mid 40s moms. In fact, I was dating a billionaire and he wanted pole dancing, among other things. It lasted for 4 months he was a mess on weed all the time. So I hear is Musk....
Anonymous wrote:God I'd love it if my wife out earned me. I'd homemake so effin hard. I like cooking. I like woodworking and having the time to fix things. Work out and ride my motorocycle and do all the kids related things. Is sitting in front of a plastic box having teams meetings all day making me feel like a MAN anyway? lol
My DH got laid off during covid and it was seriously the best our lives have been lol. He was so dedicated to cooking, cleaning, shopping, fixing things, taking the dogs to the park, working out, etc. He still wishes he could be a "man of leisure" now.
My dentist friend's very intelligent workaholic husband was unemployed for 1.5 years, he took over household and parental responsibilities and executed everything with so much efficacy that everyone cried when he was rehired.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty sad my DH got a new job after a few months. I don't think homemaking is a gendered thing, a lot of men just think it's beneath them because it's "women's work".
Exactly. You see men cooking or cleaning if the job pays. It's just suddenly "not their thing" or "they just don't notice it" when it is unpaid domestic work.
Life is lonely for most guys and it’s hard to get interest from women. For some though, it just seems to come naturally whether it’s looks, confidence, charisma or something else - they seem to get all the “at bats” when it comes to women.
For women, lots of male interest is just a swipe away. They can (almost) order sex to be delivered at their doorstep like its a pepperoni pizza. They could also sleep with someone exciting and in a different league without even trying. In a way, they’ve got so many choices that it leads to disinterest and disdain for guys. The guys they’re all hooking up with also have so many choices that there’s no way they’re committing or taking any sh*t. So then women think men are all a**holes.
Anonymous wrote:This is all very evident in the dating market.
Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.
Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money,
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age.
I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.
A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive
Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. Older women with experience are way more demanding and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.
Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.
DP. Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age). You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie!
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.
I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.
I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.
Woman, 49
Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men. You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed. That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner. If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar. But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.
Disaster for whom? Just the women? I don’t think so because on the flip side, there’s millions of men who are deemed subpar and end up alone too. They’re not all going to get mail order brides as a solution because that leads to problems.
This stalemate is most disastrous for society as a whole and will lead to plummeting birth rates and population collapse. Using scare tactics on women (“you’ll end up alone! You’re going to be a childless cat lady!”) isn’t persuading anyone.
PP you quoted. I agree! It's a disaster for men and society as well, not just the women.
I guess the issue is that women are driving this stalemate, not men. They are the ones that are basically choosing to remain single unless they can get a man that is out of their league. You could flip it around and say that maybe men need to be better or more feminist or what have you, but men are not going to overnight acquire more college degrees, double their incomes, or become more attractive (though they could and should work out more and eat better). But women *could* overnight accept that they cannot find someone who checks all their boxes and be willing to entertain someone who checks 70% of their boxes.
Eating better and exercising in your 40-50s does wonders. I would take a fit dude making $200k over an overweight law partner making $2mm. Because in my 40s I value quality of life and don’t want to become his nurse when I’m 60.
It’s the hardest part for 90% Americans. The attraction laws are the same for men and women. Single women do a better job taking care of their health
All the fat lawyers and bankers are now on injectables so aren’t so obese any longer.
No muscle tone though.
No hobbies or interests. Just work addicts still who throw money at their kids and dates.
Yea, I’ve met many of those! It’s surprisingly amazing how uninteresting are many top earners. These are people who only did one thing whole life: making money. Many are also drinkers/on drugs (particular NYC finance).
I’ve met more who aren’t on drugs nor are alcoholics. Rather they are self-centered, one trick ponies: got top grades, then work too much.
A few confessed they are aspergers. So that explains a lot and that nothing will be changing.
So those are less about money or drugs, more about ego and hyperfocused on work and that image.
But agree, if yours going to lose 50 pounds in a few months start lifting weights daily! Yuck. Flab and dripping skin. Yuck.
A lot of the billionaires seem weird AF. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates all seem a little off.
Tism, ???, Tism, ???, Tism
Yes but they’re also incredibly brilliant and literally one in a billion so their weirdness is excused. They can partner with anyone they choose. Your run of the mill wealthy guy with 10-20m net worth and no other skills or charisma isn’t worth being with for non desperate women.
LOL! Any DCUM boss babe making $250K a year would immediately start dancing on a pole, or whatever else were required, if she thought she had a realistic chance at landing a plain, boring $20 million man.
Haha - I'm one of those mid 40s moms. In fact, I was dating a billionaire and he wanted pole dancing, among other things. It lasted for 4 months he was a mess on weed all the time. So I hear is Musk....
Anonymous wrote:Life is lonely for most guys and it’s hard to get interest from women. For some though, it just seems to come naturally whether it’s looks, confidence, charisma or something else - they seem to get all the “at bats” when it comes to women.
For women, lots of male interest is just a swipe away. They can (almost) order sex to be delivered at their doorstep like its a pepperoni pizza. They could also sleep with someone exciting and in a different league without even trying. In a way, they’ve got so many choices that it leads to disinterest and disdain for guys. The guys they’re all hooking up with also have so many choices that there’s no way they’re committing or taking any sh*t. So then women think men are all a**holes.
It’s really a sad cycle.
These wild women hooking up with hot strangers is not as common as you think.
Anonymous wrote:There isn’t one in the near-term. Women’s desire to marry “up” is basically biologically hard-wired, our academic systems result in more women than men going to college, which has downstream effects on professional success. Solve for the equilibrium.
This will continue until it can’t anymore, but there is long runway for this continued dynamic. Eventually this results in sub-replacement fertility, and ultimately replacement by populations with more traditional sex roles and thus higher fertility rates. The future belongs to those who show up. At least until AI makes all humans obsolete, with unpredictable outcomes. That said, it’s never been a better time to be a successful man, one’s choices are endless.
People want sex and children. They will figure it out. Smart women will find the right puzzle piece male and have kids, even if he’s a public school teacher to her VP.
I’m amused by the quote that men are happiest when women earn 40% of income — for most of human history I’m pretty sure women were almost never happy. Look at the Valium soaked 50s housewife, with labor saving devices, high earning stable husbands but still miserable.
In reality, what is happening is that some women are having children via sperm donor with family support and having sex with whatever hottie is available on Tinder when they get the itch. While some other women are trying to find the right puzzle piece male and having kids, and then eventually divorcing due to mutual resentment. It really is a mess.
Anonymous wrote:I got a couple high earning high status male friends and privately they lament their choices and essentially have nothing outside of work to talk about. Worlds tiniest violin. They seem to be propelled through some sort of compulsion or all eggs in one basket mentality.
They cannot multi task.
They must have apartment cleaners and order take out a lot.
Ultimately they are immature and developmentally behind. A far cry from the engineering dads we had who worked fulltime, coached and taught his kids, played on a softball or tennis league, and worked with power tools to fix the house or build cool things for the yard.
Today’s male college grad can’t even use a drill properly. And then they’ll lose the drill bit.
Hard to climb to the top of the ladder if you don't go all in. Maybe the engineering dads of yesteryear could pull it off working a same 40 work week.
That’s false
I know lots of well-rounded married with kids men in private equity and VC.
They give a damn about more than work. And prove it all the time.
Plan wife’s bday trip to Montreal. Find lax programs for their son. Work their butts off, true. Read a hard cover a month. Go to music concerts a few times a year. Stay in shape.
And yes they’re very successful at work. Moreover in life.
Successful private equity/VC men and women are some of the most able to get reasonable work-life balance. Their investments don’t require day-to-day involvement. Their boys are probably some of the best adjusted, because mom/dad’s involved, secure and kind.
Anonymous wrote:I got a couple high earning high status male friends and privately they lament their choices and essentially have nothing outside of work to talk about. Worlds tiniest violin. They seem to be propelled through some sort of compulsion or all eggs in one basket mentality.
They cannot multi task.
They must have apartment cleaners and order take out a lot.
Ultimately they are immature and developmentally behind. A far cry from the engineering dads we had who worked fulltime, coached and taught his kids, played on a softball or tennis league, and worked with power tools to fix the house or build cool things for the yard.
Today’s male college grad can’t even use a drill properly. And then they’ll lose the drill bit.
Hard to climb to the top of the ladder if you don't go all in. Maybe the engineering dads of yesteryear could pull it off working a same 40 work week.
The forty hour work week is eroding on all class levels. Tradesmen do an astronomical amount of overtime and I think it’s part of the problem. All of the hard working men have no time to dedicate to dating.
No they don’t. They work 8am to 4pm. OT when? Weekends and Fridays off for more pay?
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GMAFB.
