Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is a trend as it has been happening for more than a generation. I never changed my name and neither did either of DH’s sisters. We have been married 30-45 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

What studies? Citations or you’re talking out of your nether end.

Here are the titles and sources of five academic studies and articles related to family members sharing last names:

1. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" by Hayley Davies, 2011 (SAGE Journals)
2. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" (ResearchGate)
3. "Last name analysis of mobility, gender imbalance, and nepotism across academic systems" (PNAS)
4. "The Power of Naming: Surnames, Children, and Spouses" (Oxford Academic)
5. "A Study of Family Communication & the College Experience" (STARS, University of Central Florida)

These studies explore the implications of shared family last names in various contexts including family dynamics, academic settings, and societal norms.

Can you summarize what they say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

I'm so happy not to be average! My whole social circle too!

The 85% stood out to me because it is so different from my experience. I'm a millennial and know maybe 2 or 3 women total who changed their last name out of all of my friends from childhood and college. Largely UMC and graduate level education, which I suspected was a factor.

I was curious so I looked it up and found this from a recent CNN article/PEW research: https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/07/health/women-change-names-marriage-wellness/index.html
"About 9% of women ages 50 and older said they kept their last name, in comparison with 20% of women between 18 and 49, the survey showed. And 26% of women with a postgraduate degree said they kept theirs."

I kept my name and am in academia. I suspect it may be even more common to keep your name once you have a real publication record. FWIW our children have my husband's name and it has never been an issue.

I understand that your personal experiences and social circle, including friends in academia, may have a more liberal and feminist leaning. This perspective is important and contributes to a diverse range of viewpoints. However, it's crucial to recognize that your specific demographic may not be representative of the broader population, especially when considering naming practices.

The 85% statistic, while a widely cited figure, reflects a general trend in the United States, where naming choices can be influenced by various factors, including cultural norms, individual values, and regional differences. Your observations within your more liberal and academic social circle are certainly valid, but they may not align with the overall statistical trend.

Ultimately, the decision to change or keep one's last name is a deeply personal one, and it can vary widely across different demographics and regions. Your insights are valuable in highlighting the diversity of perspectives on this issue.

My post cited updated, stratified data on the same statistic you are using. From Pew research. 1 in 4 women with a postgrad degree don’t change their name. That’s not only my experience, or my ‘circle’, it’s literally the statistical trend nationally, stratified by education level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call yourselves what you like, but if you are keeping your father’s name instead of taking your husband’s, you aren’t exactly fighting the patriarchy.

So girls just never have their own names? That’s absurd. The name I was given at birth is my name. Just like it is for my brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

I'm so happy not to be average! My whole social circle too!

The 85% stood out to me because it is so different from my experience. I'm a millennial and know maybe 2 or 3 women total who changed their last name out of all of my friends from childhood and college. Largely UMC and graduate level education, which I suspected was a factor.

I was curious so I looked it up and found this from a recent CNN article/PEW research: https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/07/health/women-change-names-marriage-wellness/index.html
"About 9% of women ages 50 and older said they kept their last name, in comparison with 20% of women between 18 and 49, the survey showed. And 26% of women with a postgraduate degree said they kept theirs."

I kept my name and am in academia. I suspect it may be even more common to keep your name once you have a real publication record. FWIW our children have my husband's name and it has never been an issue.

I understand that your personal experiences and social circle, including friends in academia, may have a more liberal and feminist leaning. This perspective is important and contributes to a diverse range of viewpoints. However, it's crucial to recognize that your specific demographic may not be representative of the broader population, especially when considering naming practices.

The 85% statistic, while a widely cited figure, reflects a general trend in the United States, where naming choices can be influenced by various factors, including cultural norms, individual values, and regional differences. Your observations within your more liberal and academic social circle are certainly valid, but they may not align with the overall statistical trend.

Ultimately, the decision to change or keep one's last name is a deeply personal one, and it can vary widely across different demographics and regions. Your insights are valuable in highlighting the diversity of perspectives on this issue.

My post cited updated, stratified data on the same statistic you are using. From Pew research. 1 in 4 women with a postgrad degree don’t change their name. That’s not only my experience, or my ‘circle’, it’s literally the statistical trend nationally, stratified by education level.

DP. That can't be right, though. It would mess with the golden 85%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name because I didn't want to. If you want to, you should. Have fun.

But the idea that your DH is "ecstatic" about you taking his birth name, yet you simultaneously cannot understand why anyone would want to keep their birth name, rings very false.

Why would I change my last name? I spent 30+ years with my current one and 2 years with him and sporadically see his parents. There’s no meaning their except dowry days BS.

[Anonymous]

I changed my name upon marriage because I like my husband's name better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

What studies? Citations or you’re talking out of your nether end.

Here are the titles and sources of five academic studies and articles related to family members sharing last names:

1. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" by Hayley Davies, 2011 (SAGE Journals)
2. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" (ResearchGate)
3. "Last name analysis of mobility, gender imbalance, and nepotism across academic systems" (PNAS)
4. "The Power of Naming: Surnames, Children, and Spouses" (Oxford Academic)
5. "A Study of Family Communication & the College Experience" (STARS, University of Central Florida)

These studies explore the implications of shared family last names in various contexts including family dynamics, academic settings, and societal norms.

Can you summarize what they say?

I don't think the poster of those links has read them. #1 and #2 are the same article which I can't open without a subscription. #3 is about nepotism in departmental appointments in academia measured by frequency of the same surnames. #4 is about paternal ownership, particularly fathers in divorce situations preventing their children's names from being changed. #5 is about whether family communication affects loneliness and depression in college students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my father gave my future husband a goat and an acre of land it just made sense to take his last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

What studies? Citations or you’re talking out of your nether end.

Here are the titles and sources of five academic studies and articles related to family members sharing last names:

1. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" by Hayley Davies, 2011 (SAGE Journals)
2. "Sharing Surnames: Children, Family and Kinship" (ResearchGate)
3. "Last name analysis of mobility, gender imbalance, and nepotism across academic systems" (PNAS)
4. "The Power of Naming: Surnames, Children, and Spouses" (Oxford Academic)
5. "A Study of Family Communication & the College Experience" (STARS, University of Central Florida)

These studies explore the implications of shared family last names in various contexts including family dynamics, academic settings, and societal norms.

Can you summarize what they say?

I don't think the poster of those links has read them. #1 and #2 are the same article which I can't open without a subscription. #3 is about nepotism in departmental appointments in academia measured by frequency of the same surnames. #4 is about paternal ownership, particularly fathers in divorce situations preventing their children's names from being changed. #5 is about whether family communication affects loneliness and depression in college students.

Oddly enough, ChatGPT-ing a short list of articles with "surname" in the title and a vague blurb of meaningless sentences does not an argument make.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t want to. No deeper reason, I always liked my last name and wanted to keep it.

[Anonymous]

OP,
The nice thing is you can do whatever you want. Keep your name or don’t! That’s what we all really want, right? Choice? The freedom to follow what we want to follow?

I took my DH’s name. I’m a professional woman with multiple degrees, FWIW. I liked the idea of being a single unit, and I felt the united name helped achieve that. My sister chose to keep our last name when she got married. Guess what? We’re both happy with our choices.

Congratulations on your marriage!

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read the replies but this might blow your mind: when you give birth in hospital with a different last name, the children are given your last name, whether you’re married or not. You have to specifically change it if you want them to have your husband’s last name. So you can still have the same name as your children. And if your husband wants to share the name as his children then he can change his name to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call yourselves what you like, but if you are keeping your father’s name instead of taking your husband’s, you aren’t exactly fighting the patriarchy.

So girls just never have their own names? That’s absurd. The name I was given at birth is my name. Just like it is for my brother.

This. The assumption that men have their own names and women are always just borrowing them from men is deeply sexist. My name is my name. Why is my husband's name his name and my name is my father's?

[Anonymous]

No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name