Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

Birthing babies is not an "achievement".

Whatsoever. You reproduced sexually and created a young of your own species. So do rats and cockroaches. You don’t get a cookie for that.

Another poster who I hope doesn’t and won’t have children.

You just read through 20 pages of anonymous comments and commented on like a dozen of them. Yes, we see you. And you obviously don’t have kids because that would require someone wanting to see you naked and I think we all know that’s never happened

[Anonymous]

Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

[Anonymous]

Men are no longer Men. thats the real reason.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird how angry it seems to make some people when a woman chooses not to have children. Maybe she wanted to but didn’t find the right guy (or didn’t find the right guy in time)? Maybe she wanted to but was afraid of burdening her theoretical offspring with heritable mental or physical illnesses? Maybe she hates kids? Maybe she lives kids but thinks she’d be a terrible mother?

Women aren’t choosing not to have kids AT YOU. This thread is bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

Because they don't need to anymore. There is no pressure forcing them to settle down (and by them I don't just mean women, i also mean men, it is a problem across both genders).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird how angry it seems to make some people when a woman chooses not to have children. Maybe she wanted to but didn’t find the right guy (or didn’t find the right guy in time)? Maybe she wanted to but was afraid of burdening her theoretical offspring with heritable mental or physical illnesses? Maybe she hates kids? Maybe she lives kids but thinks she’d be a terrible mother?

Women aren’t choosing not to have kids AT YOU. This thread is bonkers.

On any individual level, you are right. But on a social/generational level, it is all our business. Because people with no family and kids will be more reliant on society and our tax dollars. Maybe it's because I come from a society with a strong emphasis on family. The expectation is that family takes care of each other. We don't rely on government help or policy. That attitude makes us, as a family unit, more resilient to the ups and downs of modern life and economic surprises. So yeah, when I see people freely choose to shun family (cutting off "toxic" family or not having kids when they can), I think it's selfish. And then when I hear all the people protesting for more government handouts and welfare, I get pretty annoyed. We are responsible for our own success and security in this life and family is the number one factor in obtaining that security.

Again, caveat about individual circumstances. But i think it's clear as a whole people are becoming more selfish and focusing more on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird how angry it seems to make some people when a woman chooses not to have children. Maybe she wanted to but didn’t find the right guy (or didn’t find the right guy in time)? Maybe she wanted to but was afraid of burdening her theoretical offspring with heritable mental or physical illnesses? Maybe she hates kids? Maybe she lives kids but thinks she’d be a terrible mother?

Women aren’t choosing not to have kids AT YOU. This thread is bonkers.

Misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting WAPO article -
"Millennials aren't having kids"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/11/03/millennials-only-children/
I love seeing the data on this. It really follows closely what I see in my personal life among my friends. What do you think are the reasons? I don't think it will turn around, millennial are rapidly approaching 40 or are already there.

It is very obvious to me ( Gen x) Women are expected to earn and make a good living AND also be the perfect homemaker/wife/mom. Until men step up women are smart not to fall into the trap.

And stay thin and have enthusiastic sex a min of 4x a week.

You mean, you don’t like having a healthy physique and active sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

Because they don't need to anymore. There is no pressure forcing them to settle down (and by them I don't just mean women, i also mean men, it is a problem across both genders).

Idk. I feel the opposite is true. Every single guy I know doesn’t want kids and feels the single women in their late 20s/early 30s are somewhat baby crazy. These are fairly successful guys and feel like they’re just viewed as a means to an end when they speak to these women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird how angry it seems to make some people when a woman chooses not to have children. Maybe she wanted to but didn’t find the right guy (or didn’t find the right guy in time)? Maybe she wanted to but was afraid of burdening her theoretical offspring with heritable mental or physical illnesses? Maybe she hates kids? Maybe she lives kids but thinks she’d be a terrible mother?

Women aren’t choosing not to have kids AT YOU. This thread is bonkers.

On any individual level, you are right. But on a social/generational level, it is all our business. Because people with no family and kids will be more reliant on society and our tax dollars. Maybe it's because I come from a society with a strong emphasis on family. The expectation is that family takes care of each other. We don't rely on government help or policy. That attitude makes us, as a family unit, more resilient to the ups and downs of modern life and economic surprises. So yeah, when I see people freely choose to shun family (cutting off "toxic" family or not having kids when they can), I think it's selfish. And then when I hear all the people protesting for more government handouts and welfare, I get pretty annoyed. We are responsible for our own success and security in this life and family is the number one factor in obtaining that security.

Again, caveat about individual circumstances. But i think it's clear as a whole people are becoming more selfish and focusing more on themselves.

Well you’re living in this society now, presumably by your own choice, and quite frankly we have plenty of people. The capitalist infinite growth rationale when applied to reproduction for the purpose of producing future taxpayers is an especially stupid position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

Because they don't need to anymore. There is no pressure forcing them to settle down (and by them I don't just mean women, i also mean men, it is a problem across both genders).

I actually think that while it’s much better to have a partner to raise kids with, it’s now doable without one. And there are ways to raise kids together that aren’t as traditional (guest marriages or no marriage at all).

Also I think people underestimate the need to have kids. They think things will magically take care of themselves when they get old. It’s not about money, however; it’s about managing the money. You need someone to look out for you when you are old and kooky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

Because they don't need to anymore. There is no pressure forcing them to settle down (and by them I don't just mean women, i also mean men, it is a problem across both genders).

Idk. I feel the opposite is true. Every single guy I know doesn’t want kids and feels the single women in their late 20s/early 30s are somewhat baby crazy. These are fairly successful guys and feel like they’re just viewed as a means to an end when they speak to these women.

Men need to stop imagining they are some prizes and understand that yes, both men and women are means to an end if you like - they are partners in procreation, essentially.
The only time you get unconditional love is when you are a baby. Some babies aren’t even that lucky.
Time to grow up and realize that life isn’t about love and other fantasies - it’s about being good reliable partners. If there is also love - perfect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting WAPO article -
"Millennials aren't having kids"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/11/03/millennials-only-children/
I love seeing the data on this. It really follows closely what I see in my personal life among my friends. What do you think are the reasons? I don't think it will turn around, millennial are rapidly approaching 40 or are already there.

It is very obvious to me ( Gen x) Women are expected to earn and make a good living AND also be the perfect homemaker/wife/mom. Until men step up women are smart not to fall into the trap.

And stay thin and have enthusiastic sex a min of 4x a week.

You mean, you don’t like having a healthy physique and active sex life?

Thin is not healthy. No I don’t consider 4x healthy either nor does my OBGYN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids has always been difficult and lots of work. Difference is whereas people in the old days knew they needed kids (to support them in old age, to have family support in general), people today don't think they need kids anymore. They think because they have their degrees and hobbies and friends, they don't need family or kids anymore. There is an argument that the bigger the govt safety net, the less people think they need family (and kids). So while kids have always been a tremendous sacrifice, the cost analysis just isn't there anymore.

Caveat that i'm talking about millennials in general. On individual level, I recognize many would love to have kids but just never found the right partner. But as a generation, if enough people feel like they can be comfortable and happy and self sufficient without family, then the rate of coupling/marriage will go down.

I am the poster who argued that people are just spoiled nowadays. One of the issues is also wanting a perfect partner who doesn’t really exist.
Again, we as a contemporary US society have moved very far from common sense. Just take a decent guy who isn’t a douche and is reasonably responsible and have family with him. Get coupled in college and engaged soon after and marry and start having kids by 30-32. Yet, people insist on complicating the obvious basic needs and common sense rules.

Because they don't need to anymore. There is no pressure forcing them to settle down (and by them I don't just mean women, i also mean men, it is a problem across both genders).

Idk. I feel the opposite is true. Every single guy I know doesn’t want kids and feels the single women in their late 20s/early 30s are somewhat baby crazy. These are fairly successful guys and feel like they’re just viewed as a means to an end when they speak to these women.

Men need to stop imagining they are some prizes and understand that yes, both men and women are means to an end if you like - they are partners in procreation, essentially.
The only time you get unconditional love is when you are a baby. Some babies aren’t even that lucky.
Time to grow up and realize that life isn’t about love and other fantasies - it’s about being good reliable partners. If there is also love - perfect!

Women don’t need men to procreate.