Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

They travel in packs to brunch and on IG-inspired vacations. They talk about themselves and their own feelings ad nauseum. How would children even fit into their lives?

[Anonymous]

I think it's really about the expectations for parenting. You can't have kids and keep living your pre-kids life without being branded a bad parent. As soon as you have kids, your life becomes kid-centric with playgroups, music classes, sports practices, and on and on. If you aren't interested in this shift, then you don't have kids. In prior generations, people just ignored their kids and went on with their adult lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a gen x'r, but most of my friends and coworkers are millennials. What I'm seeing is one and done; I'm not really seeing them not having kids. Out of my best girlfriends, they all got married in the last 6 years or so, and one has had two children and 6 of them are one and done. They mention juggling work and life, as well as expense, regarding why only one.

I do wonder, though, how much of it is a choice.

At 24 I had a brutal introduction to Motherhood with a child that didn't sleep through the night for well over a decade and then a medical condition that also meant waking up in the middle of the night.

Since I was 24 I had time. #2 was just about 7 years later. If I had my first at 30+ I know I would have been infertile and the choice would have been made for me.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for another paywall but this article blew my mind:

The World’s Population May Peak in Your Lifetime. What Happens Next?
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/09/18/opinion/human-population-global-growth.html

Basically, a bunch of smart folks at the UN basically agree that the world's population is going to peak at 10 billion in the late 21st century. Then, it will decline fairly quickly before stabilizing at several billion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They travel in packs to brunch and on IG-inspired vacations. They talk about themselves and their own feelings ad nauseum. How would children even fit into their lives?

+10000. Ig and tik tok are truly the death of the west.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

Agree.

[Anonymous]

We'll see what they think of their decision in 40 years when they end up in a nursing home with no kids or family to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They travel in packs to brunch and on IG-inspired vacations. They talk about themselves and their own feelings ad nauseum. How would children even fit into their lives?

[Brunch Granny has entered the chat]

[Anonymous]

Many are childless NOT by choice, this is why cultures with arranged marriages will come out on top..so many intelligent highly educated women are not having kids due to lack of partner. Just dealing with this with my close cousin.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting WAPO article -
"Millennials aren't having kids"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/11/03/millennials-only-children/
I love seeing the data on this. It really follows closely what I see in my personal life among my friends. What do you think are the reasons? I don't think it will turn around, millennial are rapidly approaching 40 or are already there.

It is very obvious to me ( Gen x) Women are expected to earn and make a good living AND also be the perfect homemaker/wife/mom. Until men step up women are smart not to fall into the trap.

And stay thin and have enthusiastic sex a min of 4x a week.

That has been the expectation of women/wives/mistresses since time immemorial. That's nothing new.

what is new is that women have to do all of the above. F* that. If women have to be all that and up their game, then so should men.

Many men actually do. It wouldn’t be any better if the man were stepping up but his female partner was dropping the ball.

oh, right, that's why the majority of housechores/childcare are done by women, and millennial women are choosing to not have kids or just one... because "many men" are upping their game. OK, sure. I wouldn't want to burst your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really about the expectations for parenting. You can't have kids and keep living your pre-kids life without being branded a bad parent. As soon as you have kids, your life becomes kid-centric with playgroups, music classes, sports practices, and on and on. If you aren't interested in this shift, then you don't have kids. In prior generations, people just ignored their kids and went on with their adult lives.

You have to go pretty far back for that. My boomer parents (and many others) experienced this same shift. In fact many boomers were extremely helicopter-ey IME (not mine, but many of my friends' parents).

[Anonymous]

One reason I'm glad I had a kid is that as I get older, it's the one relationship that stays pretty great. There's just a lot of mutual acceptance and we always had good communication. I think being able to start out a relationship from scratch with a new person is an underrated aspect of being a parent.

I am not saying my kid is my best friend. Our relationship is and will always be parent-child, there are good boundaries and I don't view my kid as a confidant or my support system. But I do really like her, enjoy her company, and appreciate that we have a very mutally respectful and loving bond.

I compare that to every other relationship in my life and realize how rare that is. I have a good marriage and we have good communication and respect, but we have more conflict and struggle than I ever have with my kid. Part of that is that we are equals in a marriage, it creates different dynamics that just being someones mom where the responsibilities are very clear and obvious.

Friends are great but they can come and go. My FOO is a huge PITA. Marriage is solid but takes a lot of work. My relationship with my kid feels easy and super rewarding by comparison. Extremely strong ROI. Not why I had a kid but really great result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting WAPO article -
"Millennials aren't having kids"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/11/03/millennials-only-children/
I love seeing the data on this. It really follows closely what I see in my personal life among my friends. What do you think are the reasons? I don't think it will turn around, millennial are rapidly approaching 40 or are already there.

It is very obvious to me ( Gen x) Women are expected to earn and make a good living AND also be the perfect homemaker/wife/mom. Until men step up women are smart not to fall into the trap.

And stay thin and have enthusiastic sex a min of 4x a week.

That has been the expectation of women/wives/mistresses since time immemorial. That's nothing new.

what is new is that women have to do all of the above. F* that. If women have to be all that and up their game, then so should men.

Many men actually do. It wouldn’t be any better if the man were stepping up but his female partner was dropping the ball.

oh, right, that's why the majority of housechores/childcare are done by women, and millennial women are choosing to not have kids or just one... because "many men" are upping their game. OK, sure. I wouldn't want to burst your bubble.

DP. Maybe it's just my cohort but my DH and all of the millennial dads I know are extremely involved with parenting. Some even take on more of a role than the mom.

[Anonymous]

Women are opting out of the BS where they have to earn $$$, look perfect, haul Johnny to upteen zillion dollar extra-curriculars . . . while their husband earns less than them and scratches his crotch on the couch while they frantically pack lunches while answering a work email and tripping over the dog. Women have been sold a total scam and this is the fallout.