Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a doc who sees people at end of life. If you don’t have kids then it’s really important to focus on building a community of people younger or investing in nieces / nephews. The us is not set up for the elderly without support systems. It’s hard not to have an advocate when you are sick and elderly.

I would encourage everyone to have advance directives. My dad is a doctor who had a lot of elderly patients who couldn't self advocate and their children or loved ones often advocated for painful unnecessary procedures that would prolong their life but not improve the quality of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our system isn't set up for disabled, childless, family less adults. It'll be interesting to see how that all plays out.

and our current system is also not set up to support pregnant women, postpartum women, and children under the age of 5. Societally and culturally, children are treated horribly in the US and have effectively, no rights.

Our society isn't really set up to help anyone at all, is it? SS and Medicare aren't "help", we pay for them. Disability income in this society is a joke.

We are a survival of the fittest society. We don't really care about individual suffering. Individual suffering is part of America's soul.

This past weekend, I was working at a volunteer event and with three separate people who very recently moved to the US from different countries - Poland, Taiwan, and Germany.

The immigrants from Poland and Germany said they had to leave Europe and that the "social safety net" will be Europe's destruction and, mark their words, it will not be there in 10 years. These were separate conversations. I have no opinion on their conclusions but those were their conclusions.

The lady from Taiwan? She was happy to be there and ready to pitch in.

I am not AT ALL touting the US system. However, I think people don't have a good grasp on the state of life in other places.

I am from an Eastern European country that’s not in the EU.
I think the US social safety net is pretty good, for low income mothers with kids and for low income seniors if they are smart.
That’s why people should take advantage of it while it’s still here. Live with boyfriend, get pregnant, have kids and stay home with them (single mother on paper) and get WIC and SNAP and whatnot.
Even without it - it’s doable. I moved here as a married woman with a small child, middle class level income. It’s not super expensive if you are ok living in a small house.
People are just spoiled honestly. They want a big house, they don’t want to bother with kids, they don’t realize what happens if you are alone and out of your mind and there is no one to safeguard you. Hence they don’t have kids.
People from family oriented cultures who came here from nothing - they know what they are doing and making full use of their new opportunities. They will be the ones at whose mercy the lonely elderly will be pretty soon (in terms of elder care and arranging benefits etc)

Social safety net is not great. Wic and snap means you won't starve but housing is almost impossible and you often need a job to get daycare vouchers but it's hard to get a job without childcare so it's a catch 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They travel in packs to brunch and on IG-inspired vacations. They talk about themselves and their own feelings ad nauseum. How would children even fit into their lives?

Oh, look, it only took until the top of page three for this idiotic stereotype to surface.

Pssst! PP! Your insecurity is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

I’m sorry you and your “cohort” are idiots. That must be hard for those around you.

—married mom

[Anonymous]

I’m okay with this if it means because maybe it will mean that the women who do chooose to have children will be moms who prioritize family of her the 9 to 5 grind and the “importance” of showing their children how great it is to be a mom who works outside the home.
Funny think is these millennial women as adukts are the product of the working mom who valued paying profession and contribution to the workforce above motherhood. So why wouldn’t their daughters take it a step further and just opt out of having children entirely. After all—didn’t they learn from their own moms that being a mother is not enough?
Why weigh down career advancement and enticing escapades of liberated sexual encounters with a pesky commitment to family and children. Better to just ladder climb and romp your way through life, right? Then hopefully by the time they are 75, they’ve saved up enough from all that $$ saved from not having kids —we’ve fixed social security so that there’s enough money for the state to take care of them—because …….well……there sure won’t be any children around to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'll see what they think of their decision in 40 years when they end up in a nursing home with no kids or family to visit.

Go to the nearest crappy nursing home, take a poll of how many of the residents without visitors or involved family had kids, then slink back here to apologize. Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

Birthing babies is not an "achievement".

Whatsoever. You reproduced sexually and created a young of your own species. So do rats and cockroaches. You don’t get a cookie for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

Birthing babies is not an "achievement".

It's the most important achievement. Passing on one's genes is the reason for being.

LOLOLOLOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cringe. Imagine the thousands of years of couples that got together and sacrificed to ultimately get you into this world (including your parents) only to have that genetic line come to an abrupt halt because you think you know better because you went to university and read Twitter. Sad world to live in.

You sound like a dinosaur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cringe. Imagine the thousands of years of couples that got together and sacrificed to ultimately get you into this world (including your parents) only to have that genetic line come to an abrupt halt because you think you know better because you went to university and read Twitter. Sad world to live in.

Or only having a daughter who marries and rids the family name! The horror!!!

No, having a daughter is completely fine. At least you did your part to continue the unique history of your family tree. The tree didn’t just wither and die bc “I want to go to brunch for the rest of my life”. And this rant is only directed at people who are “childless by choice” or people who have just given up on family formation due to lifestyle. If you are medically unable that’s a tragic burden to bear and I feel for you.

Begone, Brunch Granny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and chalked up the lack of kids to being in a high-achieving cohort. Maybe half of us have kids? The other half aren't married. I don't many that are childless by choice (as far as I know). My friends both gay and straight that are married by in large have kids usually 2-3. But I myself hit total unexplained secondary infertility at 35 so have 2 kids but am unlikely to have 3.

My husband is in the military and in his friend group we only know 2 childless by choice couples. Most men have 1 if not 2 sets of kids by different women thanks to the damage the many years in war did on their personal lives.

It’s funny how individual the definition of “achievement” is because if you’re in your 30s unmarried and/or married and childless for a reason other than infertility I would define this as a massive life failure. As would most of my “cohort” (all who have good high paying jobs).

Birthing babies is not an "achievement".

Whatsoever. You reproduced sexually and created a young of your own species. So do rats and cockroaches. You don’t get a cookie for that.

Another poster who I hope doesn’t and won’t have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and I adore them, but I can *fully understand* why someone might elect not to have children.

Yep this. My sister has no kids. She has a pretty awesome life.

I think the lifestyle would be awesome until you hit like your 70s/80s. I see these childless old people, and it's very sad to see how no one visits them. Their friends have mostly died off, and they have very few friends left.

Hopefully your sister will be close to her nieces/nephews. My SIL is childless, and I've told my kids to remain connected to her.

I don't tell my kids that at all. My sister is vehemently child free. No way are my children obligated to take care of her later on. She made her own choices.

Cool story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our system isn't set up for disabled, childless, family less adults. It'll be interesting to see how that all plays out.

and our current system is also not set up to support pregnant women, postpartum women, and children under the age of 5. Societally and culturally, children are treated horribly in the US and have effectively, no rights.

Our society isn't really set up to help anyone at all, is it? SS and Medicare aren't "help", we pay for them. Disability income in this society is a joke.

We are a survival of the fittest society. We don't really care about individual suffering. Individual suffering is part of America's soul.

This past weekend, I was working at a volunteer event and with three separate people who very recently moved to the US from different countries - Poland, Taiwan, and Germany.

The immigrants from Poland and Germany said they had to leave Europe and that the "social safety net" will be Europe's destruction and, mark their words, it will not be there in 10 years. These were separate conversations. I have no opinion on their conclusions but those were their conclusions.

The lady from Taiwan? She was happy to be there and ready to pitch in.

I am not AT ALL touting the US system. However, I think people don't have a good grasp on the state of life in other places.

I am from an Eastern European country that’s not in the EU.
I think the US social safety net is pretty good, for low income mothers with kids and for low income seniors if they are smart.
That’s why people should take advantage of it while it’s still here. Live with boyfriend, get pregnant, have kids and stay home with them (single mother on paper) and get WIC and SNAP and whatnot.
Even without it - it’s doable. I moved here as a married woman with a small child, middle class level income. It’s not super expensive if you are ok living in a small house.
People are just spoiled honestly. They want a big house, they don’t want to bother with kids, they don’t realize what happens if you are alone and out of your mind and there is no one to safeguard you. Hence they don’t have kids.
People from family oriented cultures who came here from nothing - they know what they are doing and making full use of their new opportunities. They will be the ones at whose mercy the lonely elderly will be pretty soon (in terms of elder care and arranging benefits etc)

Social safety net is not great. Wic and snap means you won't starve but housing is almost impossible and you often need a job to get daycare vouchers but it's hard to get a job without childcare so it's a catch 22.

The people I know get subsidized housing (it isn’t dirt cheap but around 50-70% of the market rent) and don’t bother with the daycare vouchers. They have their kids with them until universal preK or K.
If they have several kids their snap amount is decent (economies of scale).
Sometimes their partner who works and has an income uses a different address but not always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We'll see what they think of their decision in 40 years when they end up in a nursing home with no kids or family to visit.

Go to the nearest crappy nursing home, take a poll of how many of the residents without visitors or involved family had kids, then slink back here to apologize. Thanks in advance.

DP. yes you are right it’s not a guarantee having kids but at least we try

[Anonymous]

Is this broken down by income bracket? The vast majority of my friends are married with kids (we are early 40s). I went to an Ivy and we are all UMC.