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In tears about my daughter
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Anonymous
| College tuition is a gift. You don't attach strings to a gift. |
Anonymous
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I can empathize to parental concerns but their good intentions are controlling.
Math and CS aren't everybody's cup of tea and pre med eats away 10+ years of your youth so its unfair to limit her choices like this. |
Anonymous
| English majors at Ivy's can go on to do lots of things. I'd encourage her to take a couple econ classes and stats but beyond that, let her make her own decisions. She will be fine!!! |
Anonymous
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https://hellogiggles.com/lessons-felicity/
It will all be fine. Remember: Felicity started out pre-Med, then switched to art, but ultimately went back to pre-Med. Don’t worry about her major. If Felicity taught us anything, it’s that you should worry about who she is sleeping with. Boys like Ben are a mistake. She needs to opt for someone like Noel. |
Anonymous
Yeah, like barista, law school student, or underpaid adjunct… |
Anonymous
Felicity was one of my favorite shows. I would have struggled with that choice too. The boy choice, not the career plan choice. |
Anonymous
+1 Nothing is worse than someone in a profession they merely tolerate, or even loathe. They will not be good at what they do and will visit their unhappiness on their families and others around them, eventually. While no one is owed happiness and no one is owed the ideal job, everyone should be able to choose paths they think will potentially be the best ones for them as individuals. |
Anonymous
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Shout out to the daughter. That took real guts.
Controlling Mom and her husband- better backpedal on that condition if you want her to stay there. Otherwise, not sure why you are even seeking advice. You offered your daughter a choice and she made one. |
Anonymous
This is a good lesson for you on control. You cannot control your children. It is bad for them and you. You set yourself up for grief with your ultimatum. Did you get to choose your career or did your parents choose it for you? Why shouldn’t your daughter get to choose what she studies? You told her that if she chooses what SHE wants and it differs from what you want that you won’t pay. DONE! Don’t pay. And now you have to suck it up mom. |
Anonymous
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Please be trolling. You are relegating your child to a career of misery because you don't value education unless it's on your terms.
Let her go to the community college. She'll be happy in life which seems to be better than how you are doing in life. |
Anonymous
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Hey, OP, if you're still here: Where does the parental wisdom and your imparting of it really end? Once this college major dispute is settled --whether it goes your way, or your DD sticks to her guns (and I openly hope for the latter) -- Will you then feel it imperative to comment on other aspects of her adult life? If you're willing to yank tuition over this, what will you do next, in hopes she'll be the kind of successful you want? Note that I don't say, "in hopes she'll be successful"; I say, "in hopes she'll be the kind of successful YOU want." Because that's what a lot of us here are trying to tell you: You've made this about what you want. You dress it up with articles and your "research" into majors and incomes etc. etc., but it's about what you picture for her versus what she pictures for herself. A parent who would pull tuition away on the basis of "I disapprove of your major" is also a parent who seems very likely to do the following things, at least some of them: Insist that in summer she must get an internship in consulting or whatever you still hope she'll do with her English degree Denigrate her choices if she decides to, for instance, go to grad school for anything other than those high-dollar-value fields as you determine them (even if she pays for grad school herself) Denigrate her choices if she wants to work as a teacher (of any type), or work in a nonprofit, or work in academia, etc. Tell her that her chosen location for a job is terrible, unsafe, she'll never advance there Tell her that the people she's dating are not good enough for her, are not in high-earning careers, won't be able to provide long-term Tell her that it's too early to marry or too late Tell her that it's too early to have a child, or too late Criticize her choice of apartment or condo or house Criticize how she raises those kids with that spouse you don't like because, not enough earnings/prestige.... Sure, I'm catastrophizing and looking way into the future. You should too. You are on track to be THAT parent, not just about college, but about everything that doesn't fit into the track you have planned. I seriously doubt your vision for your DD stops at her getting the desired major; surely it extends to her getting the type of job of which you approve. So it's very likely to keep on being about your approval, which you think is actually "I want her to be financially secure!" Believe me, she sees it now, and will see it for the rest of her life, as your expecting her to want and gain your approval with her choices. And I mean choices far beyond her major. You're soon going to be the parent doing the things above if you don't wake up now and realize your DD isn't clay for you to mold. That point is long past. |
Anonymous
This! I went to an Ivy - she will be fine whatever she majors in as long as she puts some effort into her internships and job search/interviewing. Trying to push someone into pre-med and CS courses they don't like is just stupid and setting them up for failure. If she were at a non-Ivy I could see wanting her to identify a career path (with a salary acceptable to HER) that aligns with her major - but not boxing her in to the 2-3 majors you think are the only careers that are worthwhile. But with an Ivy degree, major is not quite as important (although helpful) and with good grades she can go on to grad school if she finds a field she likes that will require more coursework/degrees. |
Anonymous
There is no one path. People start with a plan and end up veering off and falling into careers they never would have dreamed of having. Life is short. Let this child live her own life, not her parents’ dreams. |
Anonymous
| This is one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read on this site which is quite an accomplishment. |
Anonymous
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OP we are 20 pages in and still no one thinks you're correct. The issue isn't actually about whether english majors can be successful or not (though I agree they can be)...the issue is that as a PARENT your #1 priority should be to support your daughter and her happiness. Having a "successful" career in STEM, doesn't mean she's set for life. I would much rather have a child who is happy, fulfilled and secure. Being unhappy for years in college will do more harm more than good for your daughter.
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