Deeply regret marrying my low earning husband

[Anonymous]

What if he brought you outside and there was a brand new or lightly used car with a big red bow on it, would that help the situation? Or perhaps a basket of jewlry? What would improve the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably hiding the money in the business.

How old are you? If you are unhappy and don't have kids and he cheated on you, why don't you divorce?

Agree. She should get a divorce. AND her own career...STAT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else find is odd that OP is more upset about the money than the cheating and drinking? Priorities, people.

I mean it's pretty obvious OP is a complete idiot.

Either an idiot or a troll trying several story lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

Bad example fir egg hi server you were trying to prove. Something about you made you pick and stick with a loser.

[Anonymous]

Now is a terrific time to find a new job. There's a TON of turnover in all sorts of fields. We recently had an admin who raised her hand for a project and ended up getting a big promotion after kicking ass. Talk to HR at your current organization, talk to a career advisor, take some online classes if you're not ready to jump into grad school or finishing up an undergrad degree.

Take control of your own narrative! Don't rely on a man to make you whole (signed, my husband was a high earner when we married, he lost his job and floundered for three years during which we had two babies and I worked my ass off and he stayed home. Even though I wanted to. He's back on track and... I have a worthwhile career, fat 401K and beautiful healthy children and a nice marriage. Sometimes you make the best of what you've got!)

[Anonymous]

Op is a troll

"never been able to afford kids"
common!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now is a terrific time to find a new job. There's a TON of turnover in all sorts of fields. We recently had an admin who raised her hand for a project and ended up getting a big promotion after kicking ass. Talk to HR at your current organization, talk to a career advisor, take some online classes if you're not ready to jump into grad school or finishing up an undergrad degree.

Take control of your own narrative! Don't rely on a man to make you whole (signed, my husband was a high earner when we married, he lost his job and floundered for three years during which we had two babies and I worked my ass off and he stayed home. Even though I wanted to. He's back on track and... I have a worthwhile career, fat 401K and beautiful healthy children and a nice marriage. Sometimes you make the best of what you've got!)

Yeah, but you worked. She obviously expects someone to take care of her so she doesn't have to do... stuff. (just imagine it was a guy posting this)

She is going to end up wrecking a second and maybe third man's life and then will spend her time posting here about how awful guys are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

Bad example fir egg hi server you were trying to prove. Something about you made you pick and stick with a loser.

Some men do not care about their wife's salary. Some do.
Yeah...family pressure saying I was "too old' to be single...it was a mistake. (He would not call himself a loser...he does okay...GS-15).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

Bad example fir egg hi server you were trying to prove. Something about you made you pick and stick with a loser.

Some men do not care about their wife's salary. Some do.
Yeah...family pressure saying I was "too old' to be single...it was a mistake. (He would not call himself a loser...he does okay...GS-15).

A GS-15 is not a loser. The fact that you do says more about you, none of it good. If you can't afford kids on a GS-15 salary, it's on you. You might have to compromise on your home's location or size, but $170K+ is not peanuts. Certainly it's way more than you earn, so it's not clear what gives you the standing to look down on him.

[Anonymous]

News flash OP, you can be the breadwinner and a mom

[Anonymous]

I assume he's in his 30's, and is breaking six figures. That's not really "low earning."

Assuming you're similar in ages and earning, it seems like you're doing pretty well.

[Anonymous]

OP, first see a lawyer because your husband has likely done that.

Then work on kick starting your career, stash away some money, and get counseling before actually divorcing. If he has started to do well, take some of those gains to put yourself in a better situation before divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get divorced. I have zero sympathy for whiny, vapid, and pity me people like you. It's pathetic

+1

[Anonymous]

You wanted to be a SAHM?

You mean you wanted to have kids so that you didn't have to work and just got to stay at home all day, right?

Lazy and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about burying the lede:

"Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else."

I mean, he's making money now so low earnings is no longer the issue. Be glad you don't have kids because your DH is a cheating drunk. GET OUT

Op here. Citing work stress and frustration my husband went on a bender where he would get blackout drunk and not come home.

He finally got that under control, quit his job and started a business. It’s surprisingly doing well.

But I am now bitter and angry and hurt.

And you will be bitter and angry and hurt if you divorce. And bitter and angry and hurt if you stay. Either way you cannot get back time you consider "lost."

The fact he got the drinking under control is good. The fact the business is doing well is good. The cheating must be dealt with, either with absolute and genuine contrition on his part or departure on yours.

You need to get past your own frustration. Note that I do not say "get over" it, but "get past" it. Either decide to work on the marriage (IF and only if he is no longer cheating and is truly contrite) or get out now before more time passes.

But one big red flag (besides cheating) remains: If he coped with stress at one point in his life by drinking and cheating, then how do you think he will cope when stress occurs next time? Unless he has willingly sought and accepted professional help, he is likely to turn right back to the crutches he used before, if his now successful business starts to slip.

So it's a crossroads for you and your marriage. Either double down on a lot of professional help if you want to stay, or suck up the lost time and get out. But please get help for yourself because you are eaten up with resentment and that does not help you in any way.