Deeply regret marrying my low earning husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband out of love. He had good liberal arts degrees and was smart and more importantly, kind.

We married in 2014 at the courthouse as we did not have money. I was ok with it, thinking we would make more.

It’s now been 7 years and we still rent in a small miserable apartment, we have never been able to afford kids, and we still have low paying jobs. I never wanted to be a breadwinner as I always wanted to be a mom, so I admit I never put much effort into my career. Meanwhile he was stuck in a low paid job for years until recently when he started his own business and is finally breaking 6 figures. Things are looking up, financially at least, but I’m still resentful and angry for all my wasted youth when I could’ve been a mom or a home owner.

Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else.

Why was I so stupid?

That's on you.

A man is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren't stupid, just entitled.

Seems like she's both. Too stupid to actually plan out a future. Made a whole lot of assumptions based on nothing

[Anonymous]

Oh please don't reproduce OP. The world is already over populated. We don't need the world filled with more people like you

[Anonymous]

You sound vapid and shallow. Divorce him so he can be happy and focus on yourself. Freeloader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband out of love. He had good liberal arts degrees and was smart and more importantly, kind.

We married in 2014 at the courthouse as we did not have money. I was ok with it, thinking we would make more.

It’s now been 7 years and we still rent in a small miserable apartment, we have never been able to afford kids, and we still have low paying jobs. I never wanted to be a breadwinner as I always wanted to be a mom, so I admit I never put much effort into my career. Meanwhile he was stuck in a low paid job for years until recently when he started his own business and is finally breaking 6 figures. Things are looking up, financially at least, but I’m still resentful and angry for all my wasted youth when I could’ve been a mom or a home owner.

Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else.

Why was I so stupid?

Not stupid, helpless and entitled -- and apparently responsible for making your husband miserable and driving him away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk about burying the lede:

"Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else."

I mean, he's making money now so low earnings is no longer the issue. Be glad you don't have kids because your DH is a cheating drunk. GET OUT

More likely the stress SHE created by tormenting him for not giving her the life she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband out of love. He had good liberal arts degrees and was smart and more importantly, kind.

We married in 2014 at the courthouse as we did not have money. I was ok with it, thinking we would make more.

It’s now been 7 years and we still rent in a small miserable apartment, we have never been able to afford kids, and we still have low paying jobs. I never wanted to be a breadwinner as I always wanted to be a mom, so I admit I never put much effort into my career. Meanwhile he was stuck in a low paid job for years until recently when he started his own business and is finally breaking 6 figures. Things are looking up, financially at least, but I’m still resentful and angry for all my wasted youth when I could’ve been a mom or a home owner.

Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else.

Why was I so stupid?

low earning husband=breaking 6 figures=never been able to afford kids??? The problem is you. If you can't adopt or figure out how to feed and shelter kids with that salary, nothing your husband does will ever be good enough. You will be a horrible mother--you can't even look for a new apartment yourself. I'd be willing to bet you were so unappealing to men you couldn't get a high-earner. I see why you drove him to cheating, drinking, and stress. You should let him leave you, he sounds way too good for you. Good moms pick up the slack when hubby gets laid off until he's back on his feet to keep the fam together. Good moms don't think "homeowner" is solved with bitterness vs a real estate agent/mortgage broker. You really sound good for nothing other than finger-pointing; take some responsibility for your own laziness.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

Maybe you wouldn't be divorced if you'd married someone who was ok with you stopping working though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. Get that money yourself girlfriend. I wanted to be a sahm too. But then I had a fantastic job and was a bit miserable on maternity leave. Glad I had kids and made my own money instead. Why are you putting your life on hold for some sahm pipe dream?? Get a good job and have kids. Put them in a great daycare.

Op here. I have realized too late that I made a mistake by prematurely mommy tracking myself even when I had no kids in anticipation of kids.

Problem is I am an admin and I don’t know how to get out and make more money. I feel trapped.

Yes you do but you don’t want to make the effort. Go back to school.

[Anonymous]

Not sure I get why the burden to fund the life you wanted is solely on your husband though. Could you have found a better job and prepared financially for when you became parents? Lack of money can erode love if the relationship is not strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband out of love. He had good liberal arts degrees and was smart and more importantly, kind.

We married in 2014 at the courthouse as we did not have money. I was ok with it, thinking we would make more.

It’s now been 7 years and we still rent in a small miserable apartment, we have never been able to afford kids, and we still have low paying jobs. I never wanted to be a breadwinner as I always wanted to be a mom, so I admit I never put much effort into my career. Meanwhile he was stuck in a low paid job for years until recently when he started his own business and is finally breaking 6 figures. Things are looking up, financially at least, but I’m still resentful and angry for all my wasted youth when I could’ve been a mom or a home owner.

Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else.

Why was I so stupid?

That's on you.

A man is not a plan.

Could it be he has a second career you don't about and, as a result, a very large cash stockpile (and/or stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit, precious metals) that he is waiting to surprise you with on a special occasion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. And get a career.

I think you have a mistaken view of what it takes to be a homeowner and a parent. Most people are not SAHMs in areas like DC.

FWIW, my exH and I built our life because both of us worked. In fact, he would not let me stay home with kids (which is why I did not want kids with him because I wanted to stay home only in babyhood). Babies came anyway. I worked.

When we were dating, he would not date a woman who was not making six figures. I am divorced and okay only because I never stopped working.

You need a career first.

Maybe you wouldn't be divorced if you'd married someone who was ok with you stopping working though...

I would not be divorced if I married the right person to begin with. Kids were not on my list unless I could stay home for a few years, but I did not necessarily need kids. I needed the right spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband out of love. He had good liberal arts degrees and was smart and more importantly, kind.

We married in 2014 at the courthouse as we did not have money. I was ok with it, thinking we would make more.

It’s now been 7 years and we still rent in a small miserable apartment, we have never been able to afford kids, and we still have low paying jobs. I never wanted to be a breadwinner as I always wanted to be a mom, so I admit I never put much effort into my career. Meanwhile he was stuck in a low paid job for years until recently when he started his own business and is finally breaking 6 figures. Things are looking up, financially at least, but I’m still resentful and angry for all my wasted youth when I could’ve been a mom or a home owner.

Meanwhile, the stress of not being able to make ends meet turned who was once a wonderful man into a mean and cheating drunk. Yes he has cheated on me on top of everything else.

Why was I so stupid?

That's on you.

A man is not a plan.

Could it be he has a second career you don't about and, as a result, a very large cash stockpile (and/or stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit, precious metals) that he is waiting to surprise you with on a special occasion?

Could it be he has a second career you don't know about and, as a result, a very large cash stockpile (and/or stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit, precious metals) that he is waiting to surprise you with on a special occasion?

[Anonymous]

He's probably hiding the money in the business.

How old are you? If you are unhappy and don't have kids and he cheated on you, why don't you divorce?