Did NOT have my dream wedding and many years later I’m still sad

[Anonymous]

She had her fantasy about her wedding at that is OK.

But OP, you have to let this go.

Throw yourself - spend the money NOW on yourself! - a giant 10th wedding anniversary party. Renew your vows if you want. Put your wedding dress back on (or buy a freaking new one!!!) DO IT. And stop bemoaning the fact that you didn't get exactly what you wanted when you wanted it. That's life, my dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A big wedding is all for show. It's meaningless, wasteful consumerism. What matters is 5, 10, 30 years after the wedding. Mediate on your gratitude for finding true love and being still married.

A big wedding is of course not necessary but it’s also not “meaningless, wasteful consumerism.” It’s just a big party! It was great to have family and friends together. We had a great time. The end. It’s just. a. party. You don’t have to be obsessed with loving or hating them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to so many nice expensive weddings and half of those couples are no longer married. Count your blessings.

That’s her issue - she’s unable to count or appreciate her blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wedding was $15k and I thought it was very fancy!
Seriously, let this go. If you have a happy marriage, that is soooooooo much more important. Most people don’t, regardless of how much they spend.

This. Congrats on staying married.

[Anonymous]

I think I am the winner here - we got married at the courthouse and my generous in-laws, worth gazillions of dollars, took us to lunch at I Hop. Not even a DIY event from
FWIW, I'm also an immigrant who my piece-of-shit MIL thinks is inferior to them.

So OP, I get it. It's not about the wedding itself, it's about how you are being treated. I was never crazy about the wedding industry so I am not sad like you are But I am not in touch with my in laws and am secretly looking to the day when I can come and spit on their graves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How childish OP. Grow up.

+100. Jealousy is a hell of a drug. Get thy self into therapy quickly. OP, this really is a non-thing that you are making a thing. The root of the issue seems to be your IL's disapproval with you being an immigrant, not the other weddings. Nothing you can do to change that but get comfortable with the fact that your IL's are prejudiced a$$holes. As long as you and your DH are solid, that's really all that should matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am the winner here - we got married at the courthouse and my generous in-laws, worth gazillions of dollars, took us to lunch at I Hop. Not even a DIY event from
FWIW, I'm also an immigrant who my piece-of-shit MIL thinks is inferior to them.

So OP, I get it. It's not about the wedding itself, it's about how you are being treated. I was never crazy about the wedding industry so I am not sad like you are But I am not in touch with my in laws and am secretly looking to the day when I can come and spit on their graves.

I like you. A lot.

[Anonymous]

OP- just plan another wedding for yourself if you want it. What’s stopping you?

[Anonymous]

All that money you saved but not spending multiple tens of thousands on a single day. I would count it as a blessing.

[Anonymous]

I hope you are able to find peace with your wedding. It's okay to feel like it wasn't your dream wedding but hopefully you instead can focus on your marriage. Wedding season for your family will be over soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am the winner here - we got married at the courthouse and my generous in-laws, worth gazillions of dollars, took us to lunch at I Hop. Not even a DIY event from
FWIW, I'm also an immigrant who my piece-of-shit MIL thinks is inferior to them.

So OP, I get it. It's not about the wedding itself, it's about how you are being treated. I was never crazy about the wedding industry so I am not sad like you are But I am not in touch with my in laws and am secretly looking to the day when I can come and spit on their graves.

Gross, no wonder your in-laws keep their distance. They had your number from jump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big wedding is all for show. It's meaningless, wasteful consumerism. What matters is 5, 10, 30 years after the wedding. Mediate on your gratitude for finding true love and being still married.

A big wedding is of course not necessary but it’s also not “meaningless, wasteful consumerism.” It’s just a big party! It was great to have family and friends together. We had a great time. The end. It’s just. a. party. You don’t have to be obsessed with loving or hating them.

You can have a great, big party that does not cost a fortune. The super fancy venue, flowers, etc. IS for show. It is an ego thing, and don't try to make it seem more meaningful than that.

[Anonymous]

We had a small wedding because it was what we could afford and my sister had a huge wedding because she and her husband could afford it. We’ve been happily married for 29 years and she got divorced after about five years. I think a nice wedding is great but they really seem to have gotten out of control the last 10-15 years and I’m clueless as to why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I got married under a myriad of different stressful circumstances and as much my wedding day is a very disappointing memory for me.

I was a broke grad student when I fell in love with my equally broke grad student boyfriend who proposed to me upon learning that I’d have to leave the country after my studies. We didn’t have money nor our parents support ( birth our parents were struggling financially at that point) so we went to the courthouse to get married. We wanted to have a proper wedding however so we said in a few years when we had some money we could do it. Meanwhile we got poorly paid jobs and due to the high cost of living saved just enough for him to finally buy me a proper engagement ring and then we had about 12k to plan a wedding party. Meanwhile his parents weren’t thrilled that he was marrying an immigrant and they were unsupportive emotionally and also financially.

We picked the cheapest venue, the cheapest caterer and the flowers were from Costco.

Overall it came together beautifully as it by magic and it was very sweet that it was all of our effort to put it together.

But these days both my sister and sister in law are planning their weddings. Each of them is planning the typical DC posh wedding extravaganza with tons of money thrown at it personal and special touches.

I wanted all of that too! I’m 35 years old now and it still hurts!

Grow up. You're mad that your parents and in-laws didn't give you money, although you acknowledge that they were struggling financially at that time. They were supposed to go into debt to give you more expensive flowers? My whole wedding cost less than $12K.

Also, am I reading this correctly -- you got married at the courthouse because you didn't have money, and then you saved up money to buy a "proper" engagement ring AFTER you were married, and when you, poor struggling couple, finally saved up $12K, you blew it on a party?

You HAD a proper wedding, in that you got married. You even got a catered party. Most people don't have a "typical DC posh extravaganza." Most people IN DC don't have this. Wealthy people have this, or people who are dumb enough to go into debt for a wedding. You're unhappy because you're obsessed with what's "proper," which you apparently define based on cost, and which you determine by comparing yourself to people with more money than you. You'll never be happy if that's how you evaluate your life.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have an engagement ring and we only had a small wedding and I think my wedding ring cost about $200 which at the time felt like a lot of money. We’ve been married 35 years and I can’t imagine being happier. I will admit that on our 25th anniversary I did get the engagement ring of my dreams! If you are a parent and spend a ridiculous amount on your daughter’s wedding I wonder how you feel when the marriage falls apart five years later?