Did NOT have my dream wedding and many years later I’m still sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am the winner here - we got married at the courthouse and my generous in-laws, worth gazillions of dollars, took us to lunch at I Hop. Not even a DIY event from
FWIW, I'm also an immigrant who my piece-of-shit MIL thinks is inferior to them.

So OP, I get it. It's not about the wedding itself, it's about how you are being treated. I was never crazy about the wedding industry so I am not sad like you are But I am not in touch with my in laws and am secretly looking to the day when I can come and spit on their graves.

Gross, no wonder your in-laws keep their distance. They had your number from jump.

DP. You are the problem. The PP should not have to put up with xenophobic ILs.

So she says, maybe it's just her stank attitude? Just because she's blaming xenophobia doesn't make it true. Sometimes the problem is staring back at you in the mirror. But spitting on graves because of Ihop? Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

You sound incredibly immature, OP. It's stupid to dwell on this. Maybe see a therapist and stop blaming your husband's parents for all your problems.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe OP is upset that a $12,000 wedding wasn't enough for her. TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Are you kidding me?

OP - where are you from?

I had a big fat Indian wedding and I barely remember any of it. Like a PP said, I don't think about it. It was a fun party, but I don't remember things like the decorations, flowers, etc...not a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe OP is upset that a $12,000 wedding wasn't enough for her. TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Are you kidding me?

OP - where are you from?

I had a big fat Indian wedding and I barely remember any of it. Like a PP said, I don't think about it. It was a fun party, but I don't remember things like the decorations, flowers, etc...not a bit.

If you are trying to stretch $12K to have a 250 person wedding, it isn't going to go far. I had about a $12K wedding but we only had 50 people. In that case the 12K goes pretty far. I didn't want a big wedding, or to blow too much money, and I didn't expect in-laws to help pay for it. Why should they? We were both in our early 30s getting married and didn't want or expect parental help.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP! I too had a disappointing wedding. It was small and not a big deal to anyone. I wanted to feel celebrated and supported by family and friends. Is that where your disappointments lie, instead of the cost and the external presentations?

Btw, I’m getting a divorce after 30+ years of marriage. Perhaps family and friends saw something that we didn’t?

[Anonymous]

I didn't get my dream wedding either, but I also don't have a husband who I was lucky enough to meet at 25 . Count your blessings!

[Anonymous]

I’m envious you don’t have real life problems to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Boo hoo… I didn’t get my dream car many years ago. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

This smells like a cultural thing. All of my south Asian family and friends are obsessed with huge, decadent parties. Easier to pull off in Delhi or Karachi where things are cheap and there is family to help.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this the drawback to marrying young. My sister had a jop wedding because it was all she could afford. I had something more extravagant but didn't get married until years later. I was much older and more established in my career.

Just because a person doesn't like you doesn't mean they have xenophobia. Sounds like you are placing your issues on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big wedding is all for show. It's meaningless, wasteful consumerism. What matters is 5, 10, 30 years after the wedding. Mediate on your gratitude for finding true love and being still married.

A big wedding is of course not necessary but it’s also not “meaningless, wasteful consumerism.” It’s just a big party! It was great to have family and friends together. We had a great time. The end. It’s just. a. party. You don’t have to be obsessed with loving or hating them.

You can have a great, big party that does not cost a fortune. The super fancy venue, flowers, etc. IS for show. It is an ego thing, and don't try to make it seem more meaningful than that.

It’s not for “show,” it’s for enjoyment. My dad’s 60th birthday cost more than my wedding. It was a great party. They’re just parties. All you really need are booze, food, good lighting, music and places for people to sit. But I love flowers and a great band! Just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it’s terrible. And honestly when you throw a giant party, you spend a lot on local small businesses (and so do your guests if they have traveled). Of the things you can splash out on, it’s pretty good. It’s not “meaningful” but it’s fine! Enjoy the party!

[Anonymous]

You couldn’t afford a fancy wedding. No adult is entitled to someone else paying for a wedding they can’t afford. Whether they kick in for someone else is irrelevant (I would also note that traditionally the groom’s family doesn’t pay for their son’s marriage anyway).

[Anonymous]

These PPs are mean. I get it OP. I feel for people whose weddings were disrupted by the pandemic in the same way.

My wedding was truly the best day ever and it was amazing to have all my friends and family in one place, perhaps for the only time ever. It's a unique thing. I feel so lucky that we could afford it and it all worked out.

It's okay to be sad or bummed about things that you wish could have gone differently, even if they don't "matter" in the grand scheme of things. It's human

[Anonymous]

My husband and I had 20 guests and spent about $5k. My brother had 300 guests and spent way more than I did. Guess which one of us is still married 20+ years later?

This is not important.

[Anonymous]

Have some kids OP. It will take your mind off this plus you are getting old.