Did NOT have my dream wedding and many years later I’m still sad

[Anonymous]

So I got married under a myriad of different stressful circumstances and as much my wedding day is a very disappointing memory for me.

I was a broke grad student when I fell in love with my equally broke grad student boyfriend who proposed to me upon learning that I’d have to leave the country after my studies. We didn’t have money nor our parents support ( birth our parents were struggling financially at that point) so we went to the courthouse to get married. We wanted to have a proper wedding however so we said in a few years when we had some money we could do it. Meanwhile we got poorly paid jobs and due to the high cost of living saved just enough for him to finally buy me a proper engagement ring and then we had about 12k to plan a wedding party. Meanwhile his parents weren’t thrilled that he was marrying an immigrant and they were unsupportive emotionally and also financially.

We picked the cheapest venue, the cheapest caterer and the flowers were from Costco.

Overall it came together beautifully as it by magic and it was very sweet that it was all of our effort to put it together.

But these days both my sister and sister in law are planning their weddings. Each of them is planning the typical DC posh wedding extravaganza with tons of money thrown at it personal and special touches.

I wanted all of that too! I’m 35 years old now and it still hurts!

[Anonymous]

How childish OP. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Are you still married? Do you have a house? Are you happy?

I’m sorry it hurts OP. It sounds like you’re jealous. But I also didn’t even have a wedding (eloped) and many years later it doesn’t hurt because 1) I’m still married and that’s what counts; 2) I have kids now and those types of things don’t matter now (not saying you need to have kids but aren’t there other hopes and dreams you have done your future???); 3) pretty much everyone in the past year didn’t have their ideal wedding due to the pandemic; 4) we saved a lot of money rather than spending a lot on one night and we now are financially better off than many of our peers.

[Anonymous]

OP, yes, it is childish. And you should have the grace to be happy about having made it through to a place where you are happy in your lives. But if you can't do that, have a big anniversary party (post-COVID) to make up for your feeling of missing out.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. My brother and sister both had fancy weddings. Mine was more like yours-- poor grad students, backyard, catering from Whole Foods, lots of DIY and help from friends. But years later, people still talk about what a wonderful time they had. It was warm and fun, and honestly, I don't even remember it all that well. It was one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How childish OP. Grow up.

+1. That’s how much my wedding cost and it was beautiful.And it sounds like yours was too. AND you married a man you loved. To yearn for something like a posh wedding and let it eat you up and rob you of your ability to appreciate your good fortune, is a recipe for an unhappy life. What a waste! And so very sad.

[Anonymous]

It's okay OP. But that ship has sailed. Try to focus your energy on what else you would like out of life including enjoying your marriage. I get so cynical these days when attending weddings, knowing half of the people, who whose extravagant weddings I attended, won't make it. The wedding seems irrelevant if the marriage doesn't survive.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have my dream wedding because we couldn’t afford it! But 34 years later I’m as happy now as I’ve ever been. The wedding was perfect!

[Anonymous]

My wedding was $15k and I thought it was very fancy!
Seriously, let this go. If you have a happy marriage, that is soooooooo much more important. Most people don’t, regardless of how much they spend.

[Anonymous]

Start saving now and throw yourself a gorgeous silver wedding anniversary party.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you aren't regretting the marriage rather than that wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start saving now and throw yourself a gorgeous silver wedding anniversary party.

This.

I get it, OP. I eloped and sometimes wish I had a « proper » wedding ceremony w lots of guests and fancy everything. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

It took a while in that unending second paragraph but you finally got to the point that you were expecting your in-laws to pay more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took a while in that unending second paragraph but you finally got to the point that you were expecting your in-laws to pay more.

p.s. It was obvious the whole time so glad you finally included it.

[Anonymous]

This is not a problem. I think you need therapy to figure out what’s really bothering you. With all that is happening in the world this is a bizarre fixation, particularly if you are otherwise happy. You should be pleased you didn’t waste the money!