Should I Pursue Him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

I agree with this PP. My first reaction to him offering a massage is... um yes he is likely into you.

And, my husband is similar to this PP's. I kind of had to initiate the dates. He obviously was really into me, but for some reason was not very adept at just asking me out, setting up a date, etc. So, i ended up making the suggestions. He was so glad. I don't know why some men are like this. He's a manly man, confident, really into me, just not good at making a move. I think it is a bit to do with being careful, not wanting to seem too agressive or sexual. Kind of how you, OP, seem to be overthinking all this. Someone just needs to make a move - you or him.

Oh - and yes I suggested/planned 90% of our dates in the beginning, but he after only our 3rd date said he was "deeply in love" with me, we married 7 months later, and have been married now for 5 years and are expecting baby #3. Just saying that some people still hang on to that "but a man wants to pursue!" idea but obviously, that's not always the case

[Anonymous]

Scroll, scroll, scroll. He helped you put furniture together and massaged your neck. What other signals do you need? He’s into you. Kiss the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scroll, scroll, scroll. He helped you put furniture together and massaged your neck. What other signals do you need? He’s into you. Kiss the man.

+1. I’m sure he’s been thinking of another workout he wants to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will pursue you when he's ready. Don't do anything other that what ever you were doing, let it grow organically.

OP here. My worry is that I’m misreading and he’s really not into me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and making it weird for our friends if I pursue him or show interest and he’s not interested.

Why would it be weird for your friends? It's between the 2 of you. Let him know youare are interested he either is or isn't you go out and it works or it doesn't. If it's not worth the risk to you, you aren't that into him.

OP here. We all hang out together. It would be weird if something goes wrong and we don’t hang out as a group anymore.

You are concerned about this, but not concerned about how his now ex who you say is also your friend will feel about you dating your ex-boyfriend?

Quite simply you don't tell people until it's a serious thing, and if after that you act like the adults you presumably are and deal with seeing each other. I mean presumably, your friend group is chill enough that you can date each other's exes it shouldn't be a big deal for you to behave like civilized humans should things not go the way you want.

Just out of curiosity how old is everyone involved?

OP here. She is not a close friend. We have not kept in touch and she had moved back home. She’s already dating someone else ( was on FB) and I will likely never see her again.

I’m not talking if we start dating and introduce the relationship to our friends. I’m talking about me misreading signals, making a move, and then finding out he identifies interested. It would be awkward and I’m sure he probably won’t want to hang out. This will likely be weird for our friends since we all hang out as a big group. It may be fine and we can brush it off, but it may end up making things weird.

We are all in our thirties.

I would have guessed 20s. Too old for this shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scroll, scroll, scroll. He helped you put furniture together and massaged your neck. What other signals do you need? He’s into you. Kiss the man.

+1. I’m sure he’s been thinking of another workout he wants to do with you.

This means he possibly wants to have sex with her which does not equal date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

I agree with this PP. My first reaction to him offering a massage is... um yes he is likely into you.

And, my husband is similar to this PP's. I kind of had to initiate the dates. He obviously was really into me, but for some reason was not very adept at just asking me out, setting up a date, etc. So, i ended up making the suggestions. He was so glad. I don't know why some men are like this. He's a manly man, confident, really into me, just not good at making a move. I think it is a bit to do with being careful, not wanting to seem too agressive or sexual. Kind of how you, OP, seem to be overthinking all this. Someone just needs to make a move - you or him.

Oh - and yes I suggested/planned 90% of our dates in the beginning, but he after only our 3rd date said he was "deeply in love" with me, we married 7 months later, and have been married now for 5 years and are expecting baby #3. Just saying that some people still hang on to that "but a man wants to pursue!" idea but obviously, that's not always the case

It's been 5 years. come back and tell us about your deep love and your manly husband in another 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

I agree with this PP. My first reaction to him offering a massage is... um yes he is likely into you.

And, my husband is similar to this PP's. I kind of had to initiate the dates. He obviously was really into me, but for some reason was not very adept at just asking me out, setting up a date, etc. So, i ended up making the suggestions. He was so glad. I don't know why some men are like this. He's a manly man, confident, really into me, just not good at making a move. I think it is a bit to do with being careful, not wanting to seem too agressive or sexual. Kind of how you, OP, seem to be overthinking all this. Someone just needs to make a move - you or him.

Oh - and yes I suggested/planned 90% of our dates in the beginning, but he after only our 3rd date said he was "deeply in love" with me, we married 7 months later, and have been married now for 5 years and are expecting baby #3. Just saying that some people still hang on to that "but a man wants to pursue!" idea but obviously, that's not always the case

It's been 5 years. come back and tell us about your deep love and your manly husband in another 5.

I’m the first poster quoted above and what the next poster described fits my relationship exactly. My DH is a stereotypical dude, into sports and beer and sex and successful in his career but not very good at dating. I set up almost all of our dates early on, and he eagerly accepted but never initiated. A lot of friends told me to stop making the first move, let him call me for a change, but I would wait and he wouldn’t call so then I would call him and he was happy to go on another date. We’ve been married 15 years with 3 kids and I still take the lead on a lot of things. Not all men want to be the one to make the first move!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

I agree with this PP. My first reaction to him offering a massage is... um yes he is likely into you.

And, my husband is similar to this PP's. I kind of had to initiate the dates. He obviously was really into me, but for some reason was not very adept at just asking me out, setting up a date, etc. So, i ended up making the suggestions. He was so glad. I don't know why some men are like this. He's a manly man, confident, really into me, just not good at making a move. I think it is a bit to do with being careful, not wanting to seem too agressive or sexual. Kind of how you, OP, seem to be overthinking all this. Someone just needs to make a move - you or him.

Oh - and yes I suggested/planned 90% of our dates in the beginning, but he after only our 3rd date said he was "deeply in love" with me, we married 7 months later, and have been married now for 5 years and are expecting baby #3. Just saying that some people still hang on to that "but a man wants to pursue!" idea but obviously, that's not always the case

It's been 5 years. come back and tell us about your deep love and your manly husband in another 5.

I’m the first poster quoted above and what the next poster described fits my relationship exactly. My DH is a stereotypical dude, into sports and beer and sex and successful in his career but not very good at dating. I set up almost all of our dates early on, and he eagerly accepted but never initiated. A lot of friends told me to stop making the first move, let him call me for a change, but I would wait and he wouldn’t call so then I would call him and he was happy to go on another date. We’ve been married 15 years with 3 kids and I still take the lead on a lot of things. Not all men want to be the one to make the first move!

And not all women like to put up with a bum. But hey at least you get to say you have husband right?

[Anonymous]

Yes. It sounds like he likes you.

[Anonymous]

if he's willing to give you a massage he's willing to have sex with you, too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It sounds like he likes you.

Agreed. My take is that since you were "just friends" he’s struggling with your relationship moving forward from "just friends" to now being a couple. He’s definitely interested but has the same concerns as the OP in reading signals.

[Anonymous]

Make a move or move on! I worked with a guy for 2 years and we were great work friends but we were both dating others....and then we weren't. We started to hang out together sometimes after work and I really began to like him as maybe more than just a friend but he didn't make any kind of move. So one day we had lunch together and I started flirting and teasing him and I invited him to my place for dinner that Saturday and he accepted. Once I had him at my place I really had him cornered! We got married a year later! I'm so happy I made the move.

[Anonymous]

Sigh! Some women have it so freaking easy. Break up with a guy and have your good friend who you have been crushing on for years serving himself to you on a platter. Such a freaking hard life you lead op. My heart bleeds for you!

[Anonymous]

Ask one of your girlfriends in this group of friends what she thinks. I second the PP who said get drunk, try to kiss him, see what happens, blame the alcohol if he's not interested, stay friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask one of your girlfriends in this group of friends what she thinks. I second the PP who said get drunk, try to kiss him, see what happens, blame the alcohol if he's not interested, stay friends.

These people are freaking 30 + years old. They should be able to handle directly expressing interest in one another and hanging out as friends if it doesn't work out.