Should I Pursue Him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

Sounds like you were way to involved in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him to do something hobby related. See what he says. Or, see if he wants to do something outside. Act casual. If he says no, make it not a big deal.

OP here. We already do this. We have always hung here and there, but it has increased over the last month.

Okay, but who is asking who? DO you always invite him to this hobby? Who does most of the asking or is it 50/50? Have you tried extending the hobby like suggesting getting a bite to eat before or after?

OP here. He started asking first and then it became 50/50. We never hung out alone while he was dating his ex. He asked about a week after if I wanted to workout ( run) with him, and that became a weekly thing. Then he asked me to get dinner with him about a month ago when he didn’t have plans. We have hung out together for working, lunch, and dinner 1-2 times a week the first time. I had him over at my place for dinner on Friday ( he offered to help put my new furniture together), and we hung out at his place last night. I had a sore muscle from moving and he offered to massage my neck. He hasn’t made a move or anything besides that. I don’t know if he’s just lonely and wants someone to be there or if he likes me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will pursue you when he's ready. Don't do anything other that what ever you were doing, let it grow organically.

OP here. My worry is that I’m misreading and he’s really not into me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and making it weird for our friends if I pursue him or show interest and he’s not interested.

Why would it be weird for your friends? It's between the 2 of you. Let him know youare are interested he either is or isn't you go out and it works or it doesn't. If it's not worth the risk to you, you aren't that into him.

OP here. We all hang out together. It would be weird if something goes wrong and we don’t hang out as a group anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

Sounds like you were way to involved in the relationship.

OP hurt. I heard this from his ex, not him. She used to talk to us about it when they were dating because she was not sure what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him to do something hobby related. See what he says. Or, see if he wants to do something outside. Act casual. If he says no, make it not a big deal.

OP here. We already do this. We have always hung here and there, but it has increased over the last month.

Okay, but who is asking who? DO you always invite him to this hobby? Who does most of the asking or is it 50/50? Have you tried extending the hobby like suggesting getting a bite to eat before or after?

OP here. He started asking first and then it became 50/50. We never hung out alone while he was dating his ex. He asked about a week after if I wanted to workout ( run) with him, and that became a weekly thing. Then he asked me to get dinner with him about a month ago when he didn’t have plans. We have hung out together for working, lunch, and dinner 1-2 times a week the first time. I had him over at my place for dinner on Friday ( he offered to help put my new furniture together), and we hung out at his place last night. I had a sore muscle from moving and he offered to massage my neck. He hasn’t made a move or anything besides that. I don’t know if he’s just lonely and wants someone to be there or if he likes me.

It sounds like you’re just a friend or a possible hookup. He would have made a move already if he was interested in you.

[Anonymous]

I'm not understanding your reference to "a massage." Kind of the key to unlocking this riddle, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will pursue you when he's ready. Don't do anything other that what ever you were doing, let it grow organically.

OP here. My worry is that I’m misreading and he’s really not into me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and making it weird for our friends if I pursue him or show interest and he’s not interested.

Why would it be weird for your friends? It's between the 2 of you. Let him know youare are interested he either is or isn't you go out and it works or it doesn't. If it's not worth the risk to you, you aren't that into him.

OP here. We all hang out together. It would be weird if something goes wrong and we don’t hang out as a group anymore.

You are concerned about this, but not concerned about how his now ex who you say is also your friend will feel about you dating your ex-boyfriend?

Quite simply you don't tell people until it's a serious thing, and if after that you act like the adults you presumably are and deal with seeing each other. I mean presumably, your friend group is chill enough that you can date each other's exes it shouldn't be a big deal for you to behave like civilized humans should things not go the way you want.

Just out of curiosity how old is everyone involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

Sounds like you were way to involved in the relationship.

OP hurt. I heard this from his ex, not him. She used to talk to us about it when they were dating because she was not sure what to do.

Girl do you not see how effed up this is? You "befriended" his ex all the while knowing you had feelings for him, let her vent to you about their relationship etc, and now you're trying to get with the guy! Maury Povich! Jesus Christos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your reference to "a massage." Kind of the key to unlocking this riddle, maybe?

OP here. I had a sore muscle from setting up new furniture in my place and he offered to give me a massage last night when I was at his place. I told him how my muscles were sore in my neck and he offered to give me a massage. I accepted and it be massaged my neck and upper back for about 10 minutes and then that was it. He didn’t make any moves.

[Anonymous]

I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will pursue you when he's ready. Don't do anything other that what ever you were doing, let it grow organically.

OP here. My worry is that I’m misreading and he’s really not into me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and making it weird for our friends if I pursue him or show interest and he’s not interested.

Why would it be weird for your friends? It's between the 2 of you. Let him know youare are interested he either is or isn't you go out and it works or it doesn't. If it's not worth the risk to you, you aren't that into him.

OP here. We all hang out together. It would be weird if something goes wrong and we don’t hang out as a group anymore.

You are concerned about this, but not concerned about how his now ex who you say is also your friend will feel about you dating your ex-boyfriend?

Quite simply you don't tell people until it's a serious thing, and if after that you act like the adults you presumably are and deal with seeing each other. I mean presumably, your friend group is chill enough that you can date each other's exes it shouldn't be a big deal for you to behave like civilized humans should things not go the way you want.

Just out of curiosity how old is everyone involved?

OP here. She is not a close friend. We have not kept in touch and she had moved back home. She’s already dating someone else ( was on FB) and I will likely never see her again.

I’m not talking if we start dating and introduce the relationship to our friends. I’m talking about me misreading signals, making a move, and then finding out he identifies interested. It would be awkward and I’m sure he probably won’t want to hang out. This will likely be weird for our friends since we all hang out as a big group. It may be fine and we can brush it off, but it may end up making things weird.

We are all in our thirties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

Sounds like you were way to involved in the relationship.

OP hurt. I heard this from his ex, not him. She used to talk to us about it when they were dating because she was not sure what to do.

Girl do you not see how effed up this is? You "befriended" his ex all the while knowing you had feelings for him, let her vent to you about their relationship etc, and now you're trying to get with the guy! Maury Povich! Jesus Christos!

OP here. This is not how it went down. We all as a group befriended her. I was attracted to him when we met but the feelings never developed until they broke up we hung out alone that first time we worked out. She vented to all of us the issues they were having and asked people for advice. I never gave any advice, only my married friends did. The group also accepted a guy I was dating for 6 months and became friends while we dated. I developed an interest in him since we started hanging out.

I was never close friends with his ex and don’t owe her anything. She moved back to her hometown and has not contacted anyone from our group. We were more acquaintances than real friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this and made a move and he is now my husband. I knew him well enough then to know he wasn’t the type of guy who perused girls, way too laid back and just kind of clueless. I did it by getting drunk and kissing him. Not very mature, but we were in our 20s and went out drinking a fair amount. I figured if he wasn’t into me, I could sort of blame it on the booze and try to pretend it didn’t happen. I also knew him well enough to know that we wanted the same things in life and he was worth the risk of an awkward friend group. Your guy is fresh off a long term relationship so maybe just looking for a fling. If that’s not what you want, be careful.

Giving you a massage seems like not something people do with people they aren’t attracted to. I would be extra flirty and maybe he will pursue you?

OP here. I don’t really know well enough to know if he’s they type of guy to pursue other women. I’ve known him for a little over a year. He dated his ex for a year ( they were causal for first 6 months when we met) and only recently this last month I’ve really talked or hung out with him without a group.

I will start being more flirty. I’ve been very reserved because I don’t know if he’s interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably one of if not the reason his relationship ended so you may as well go for it.

OP here. I was not the reason his relationship ended.

Oh you were there when they broke up?

Not saying you did anything wrong, but you and your friendship, and your hobby hangouts were one of the reasons. I'd put money on it.

OP here. I became friends with his girlfriend. I was dating someone for part of the time when they were dating and we all hung out together. We never hung out alone when they were dating. They mutually agreed it was best to break up because they had very different views of their future. She wanted to move back to her hometown and be close to family, and he wanted to stay here. There were some others things too but the break up had nothing to do with me.

Sounds like you were way to involved in the relationship.

OP hurt. I heard this from his ex, not him. She used to talk to us about it when they were dating because she was not sure what to do.

Girl do you not see how effed up this is? You "befriended" his ex all the while knowing you had feelings for him, let her vent to you about their relationship etc, and now you're trying to get with the guy! Maury Povich! Jesus Christos!

OP here. This is not how it went down. We all as a group befriended her. I was attracted to him when we met but the feelings never developed until they broke up we hung out alone that first time we worked out. She vented to all of us the issues they were having and asked people for advice. I never gave any advice, only my married friends did. The group also accepted a guy I was dating for 6 months and became friends while we dated. I developed an interest in him since we started hanging out.

I was never close friends with his ex and don’t owe her anything. She moved back to her hometown and has not contacted anyone from our group. We were more acquaintances than real friends.

Don’t listen to PP. You don’t owe this girl anything.